Really down about pregnancy.

[TheABC]

In first trimester of pregnancy - a genuine accident as we have just moved house and my work situation is extremely unstable. It's my second child and very much wanted, but I just feel so flat about the whole thing. All I can see ahead is work, sleep deprivation and nappies. DC1 is two years old and still not sleeping through the night (or potty trained...yet). I will not be going back to work after the pregnancy, as two sets of nursery fees are more than my wages are worth. So I have screwed up my career, body, sanity and home life in one swoop.

I'm in a very similar situation. I've done some reading and apparently it just happens to some people, even if it was planned and isn't going to "screw up" anything.
Speak to your midwife or GP about it, or just other mums. It can help put your mind at ease and just getting it off your chest can sometimes even help. I know some women feel guilty for feeling like this, but don't. It's just the way it goes sometimes, it's not saying anything about you.
I know it's not much help, but just know you aren't the first and won't be the last mother to feel like this, you aren't alone.

If your career matters to you, perhaps working part time to keep it going? after all get 15hrs free funding when your first child is 3, and the current government was promising 30hrs free childcare in 2017, ie in time for your second? yes you may not make much - apart from pension contributions for a bit but would it help you maintain a career, life outside of nappies etc? I always see my dh and I as equal in laying nursery fees - so your salary may not clear 2 nurseripy fees but does yours and dh's? and in a few years time funding is provided and school.

Sorry - know does not help, but I am a believer that if a woman wants to keep her job going, the it is worth looking into.

Thanks, macdat and roobos. I started a 3 month contract last month, so aside from anything else I am wondering how to find new work in November with a bump! Part time work is being debated, but realistically I will not have a job to go back to (I won't even get paid time off for antenatal appts) and trying to find one from scratch in my sector will be tricky. Between the two of us, we could just clear both the mortgage and nursery fees, but there would be no money left over - something like a car repair bill would kill us. Ironically, my staying at home would be cheaper as I would not have the associated travel and clothing costs of work.

Unless people have great salaries and maternity packages I doubt many people have much spare. I am not a feminist at all, but I have recently seen several colleagues who gave up their careers or went down scales and part-time due to nursery fees and housework duties (!) to enable their dh's to maintain theirs - to discover their husbands had affairs or left them.

Ironically I am considering being a SAHM after this pregnancy if all goes well, but that is due to a still birth in last pregnancy and my age partly ( had nearly 20yrs of a career thank you).

can see contract work being difficult. hope you find an answer that makes you feel better. My dh does half of all night waking a whilst we both work which helps btw!

Unless your eldest has turned 2 in the last few days then from a childcare point of view now is actually a very good time to get pregnant!

Your eldest will be going to school in Sept 2017 presumably and the baby will be born in Spring 2016. With a year's maternity leave and then all your holidays tacked on the end you will be up to maybe May / June 2017 before you need to go back. So only 2 or 3 months of double fees. (My son was born end of May and I managed to fiddle it so I was only working 2 days in July and then my "full" 3 days in August.) It's a lot for those few months but it is a very short amount of time that you have to do it for before school starts and the cost falls dramatically.

It's obviously harder for you as you don't have a job to go back to but (assuming you don't get something permanent in November) you could take a year off and then start job hunting in the May / June time saying that you've just finished maternity leave. By the time you actually start it will be nearly September.

Before you found out you were pregnant did you have future plans for a second child?

I very much wanted this baby but as soon as I fell pregnant I could only see the negatives, was distraught all the time and wanted to terminate the pregnancy, despite terminating a previous pregnant for the same reasons and regretting it.

So what I'm asking is could this be ante natal depression taking over?

I had a neighbour who gave up work when her second arrived due to the financial issues, and by chance she found herself in a different but related job, and has now gone back full time, so your career is not necessarily over, it may just alter. It depends to some extent on you, and the opportunities you might be able to find.

I would second the PP who asks if you have always felt like this. I always get down when I'm pregnant, it is hard to see the light at the end of the 9 month tunnel... Best of luck with everything...

Thanks, everyone. Apologies for the delay in responding ; work has been hectic. To answer all your questions; no I don't normally feel like this, but I figured it was just work.and first trimester tiredness whilst caring for a rocket-fuelled toddler. We did have plans for a second child, but we were going to review finances/house at Christmas before ttc.

Thank you for the positive replies; when you just see it as extended maternity leave rather than a career break, it does feel more manageable!