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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Ugh, WHY did I agree to this????

17 replies

24hourM0MMY · 13/09/2015 13:51

Currently 31 weeks, and My FIL is visiting from overseas. He'd planned it ages ago, originally wanted to come around the birth time but we did forsee that being awkward so asked him to come a bit before and sometime after if he wanted to meet the new little one. Problems is, he something like 25 stone and is constantly eating. He's not been helping himself to anything but cups of tea even though we've said to him to make himself at home and help himself to whatever he fancies. So guess who's making his toast for him??? (And everything else)Yours truly. He's going back in 2 days, but now I'm really thinking that a visit after baby is born is going to massive trouble. He's already booked that trip though!!! How do I get him to change the date to a later one (a lot later) without offending anybody. I just don't want to be expected to be a hostess when I don't want to be/can't be. Btw, this pregnancy hasnt been easy and its quite obvious I'm struggling. Where's hubby you might ask? Well he's doing his bit keeping 4 year old DS occupied as well, and helping with the 'food prep' and aftermath clean up where he can. Not to mention running to shops as we run out of things. (An entire container of cashew nuts in 1.5 days???? Just ewww)

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RooibosTeaAgain · 13/09/2015 14:02

Perhaps say to him - now I have a baby I cannot make your breakfast, so here is where cereals, bread, toaster etc is - if you do not help yourself then afraid you will not likely get any! Oh and feel free to offer to make me something when you do. And so on?

brookeberry · 13/09/2015 14:12

I'm with Rooibos! Start as you mean to go on when he does come. People have continued expectations when they are met. I know it may be hard, but just don't pander to his needs. Yes, give him a tour of the kitchen when he arrives and make him feel like your home his home, so please help yourself!

Darcourse · 13/09/2015 14:13

I don't get this. Are you offering him food? If so stop - just prepare lunch and offer him some of the same etc.

Is he asking for food? If so, just say - oh yes, there's bread in the breadbin, butter in the fridge and the toaster's on the side - help yourself etc.

Darcourse · 13/09/2015 14:15

Or am I missing something?

Original poster

24hourM0MMY · 13/09/2015 14:20

He doesn't ask! He jyst sirs at the dining table and when I say, oh have you had some breakfast (cause I know he hasn't) he just says no. So then I ask, did you want some toast or whatever, and of of course he'll say yes please! And then 'oh I could do with another thank you'
It's ridiculous I know, but I don't know how to say it to him without letting my inner seething bitch let him have it.

OP posts:

Chchchchangeabout · 13/09/2015 14:22

Just say 'help yourself' instead then.

Original poster

24hourM0MMY · 13/09/2015 14:27

One lunch I made fairly large ham sandwiches for everyone, and mentioned that where we were going that afternoon had food snacks drinks available (so don't fill up as we'll probably take a snack break). I made everyone else's first and then sat down with my own and mentioned that there was ham enough for a half sandwich if anyone wanted. Of course he says he could do with another half, but he never got up to go put it together (i left all the stuff out). I didn't make it for him, I wdnt upstairs to have a quick lie fown before getting dressed to go out. I have no idea if he or anyone made it in the end. I never asked.
Maybe I am s little hormonal, but I'm seriously annoyed that he's in my house. I just don't want to hurt feelings of anyone.

OP posts:

TheSpottedZebra · 13/09/2015 14:28

'You're really going to have to help yourself you know, I have my hands full with the baby'.

Repeat as necessary.

Or just tell him that you're finding it tougher than you thought, and could he delay /stay in a hotel etc?
Or invent mysterious but very explicitly yucky post birth problems and put him off?

Original poster

24hourM0MMY · 13/09/2015 14:37

I might just say it like it is. 'As birth time is getting closer, I'm feeling anxious and not sure that having anyone in the house pist birth is going to be a comfortable situation for me/us. Can you please delay your trip to much later date, to when baby is a few months old' etc. would that sound harsh to oblivious ears?

OP posts:

lauraa4 · 13/09/2015 14:59

Its your house, your family, and your food he is constantly consuming so you have every right to ask him to postpone his trip. Why does he feel the need to be there when you've just given birth? Does he plan on cleaning your house, making dinner for everyone or helping with your other DC?

I have a friend who was asking to come over and stay with us for 4 weeks when my DS will be 6 months old. At first I initially said OK, but when I actually thought about how long a whole month actually is when you are catering for someone, trying to plan trips etc and have a baby I emailed her and said no it was too long. She's now staying for 6 days and wasn't offended at all when I explained my reasons why it would be to much. Sometimes people are oblivious and you need to basically spell it out for them.

Original poster

24hourM0MMY · 13/09/2015 15:25

I don't mind really about food consumption, he's family, I just don't want to have to 'serve' him whatever he's munching!

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Original poster

24hourM0MMY · 13/09/2015 15:34

Oh! He's made his own cheese on toast, and burnt the toast and set off all the smoke alarms in the house!! Superfab.

OP posts:

Darcourse · 13/09/2015 15:59

Oh OP! Do you think he did it on purpose! You know 'I'm so crap at this it would be much better if you did it'.

I'd ask DH to ask him to delay his post baby visit.

Original poster

24hourM0MMY · 13/09/2015 16:19

Darcourse, who the hell knows...

OP posts:

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 13/09/2015 17:11

Oh God, are you me? I mean my fil isn't severely overweight, but still manages to use infuriating phrases, such as 'oh, is that the sound of the kettle', or 'spot of lunch going?' All from the comfort of our sofa, whilst hogging our TV remote. Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy, just really takes 'being a guest' as if he's staying in a hotel, not my front room . Anyway, I'll be 38 weeks at his next visit, and suffering SPD. All 'demands' will be met with 'you hear that, partner? Your dad wants some tea/sandwich/kick up the bum, you know where it is '. I'm hoping either fil will get the hint, or partner will snap. Either way, I'm not budging either before or after baby arrives, not for quite a few weeks. You need to make clear to your husband, his dad is his problem - you won't be doing anything for him if he does visit anytime soon.

Original poster

24hourM0MMY · 13/09/2015 19:48

He leaves tomorrow. I can't wait. Then I'll devise s plan to halt his plans for revisit after baby is born.

OP posts:

LumpySpaceCow · 13/09/2015 19:53

Could he not stay in hotel/b and b? If not, get DH to speak to him x

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