17 weeks and feel soooo ill

[monkejedi]

This is my first post and I am desperate to see if anyone else feels like me. This has been a terrible pregnancy so far and is not getting any better, JI am under the peri natal mental health team and they have tried me on 2 meds to help my mood, quetiapine I was on for 7 weeks but I felt the side effects were debilitating so I stopped them and stopped sleeping completely so they had do send psychiatrist to my house and they put me on amytriptyline, I ve been on that for 2 weeks and feel awful. I cannot tell if my symptoms are pregnancy, vertigo or side effects from the meds. I wake up feeling very dizzy and this can last all day with nausea, I feel pressure in my head on and off, I cannot function. I have no motivation and barely get off the sofa. I am very happy to be pregnant as i am nearly 41 and this will be my 1st but I was completely unprepared for this. The doctors all disagree with what is wrong with me, I am very scared all the time. My partner is very supportive but does not know how to help me and I can't imagine feeling well again, I cannot go out and have withdrawn from all my friends.....have I made a terrible mistake....am i not cut out for this I have 23 weeks to go and don't know if I can make it.

I'm sorry you are feeling so awful, I, too, an under a mental health team and I've been taking quetiapine for six years. It does has some heavy duty side effects but the tiredness does get better but it takes some weeks - is there a particular reason that they have picked it as it usually used for schizophrenia or anxiety. Also did they put you on a slow release dose as that is better taken just before bed. There are certain antidepressants like sertraline that can also help with anxiety and there are old drugs like buspirone which act a bit like an anti-psychotic but without so much tiredness.

You say you feel dizzy and sick - have you thought about requesting something like prochlorperazine which is used to treat inner ear issues like labyrinthitis where you have dizziness and nausea - it was also originally an anti-psychotic and so can help anxiety.

It sounds as if you have a combination of pregnancy and mental health concerns which are having a physical effect on you - especially with the lack of motivation and the withdrawal from your friends. Have they offered you any talking therapies like CBT? Pregnancy can be an overwhelming time even if you desperately want a baby - in my first pregnancy despite it being a very wanted baby, I considered a termination because I had HG and was so depressed.

Use all the support that you have - partner, mental health team and push to find the right medication. It will get better and we all think we are not cut out for being mums but we manage to muddle our way through.

Hi JJXM. Thanks so much for responding I ve been feeling so alone.

I ws put on quetiapine for severe anxiety asI had come off diazepam to get pregnant, so far any attempts to get me on an SSRI have ended up with me in hospital unless i am heavily sedated for the first few weeks which is not really viable right now. I have suffered with severe anxiety for 10 years and they have relied on diazepam to treat that and insomnia.....now they are left with few options as is seems I cannot tolerate more sedating anti depressants / anti psychotics.

I have been prescribed plochlorperazine yesterday by GP but it did not help with the dizziness. I am seeing a psychologist twice a week which helps but is very challenging as it seems I have so may issues to deal with and I am afraid I am too unwell to be a mother. I have not considered termination as I would not be able to live with my decision but I have been suicidal for the first time, I feel such a failure.

I will discuss buspirone with them but am so scared of any medication right now, for the last 2 weeks I have had 5 mg of diazepam to try and keep me calm and I feel so guilty as this is cat d but I would not be able to cope without it, it is the only anti anxiety med that I seem to be able to tolerate.

I would appreciate hearing anyone else's experiences of these king of struggles as I feel so alone and scared.

Hello. I am under specialist midwife and consultant care for mental health issues, anxiety mostly. Not on medication at the moment but I have found pregnancy very challenging and I've been trying for 4 years to get here. This is partly why I'm so hyper anxious. I also now have complications (you can see my placenta previa thread) which have taken my existing anxiety about bleeding to a whole new reality now I actually have. Anyway. It is possible to be happy to be pregnancy and yet scared and feeling like you can't cope, they really do co-exist.

Be proud of yourself, you have got to 17 weeks and that is epical. You WILL get through this. The therapy I've had has been useful to some extent though is failing me a bit now but things that have helped are forcing myself to do distracting things, box sets, books (tried colouring wasn't for me) etc. calming relaxation podcast things can be helpful if you can get in the zone, though I know for me that can be the hardest step, just listening to the bloody thing. I can't advise on the meds but do keep talking about how they are making you feel with your team. Being ill makes it difficult to find a calmer place, I've had appalling sickness which has only just left and really pregnancy has been a marathon. But I'm 26 weeks now and it does go by, albeit slowly. It's felt like about five years long! Keep talking on here, you aren't on your own.

Also monke, are you able to be honest about how you are feeling to your team? Do they know you have been feeling suicidal? And do you have support around you at all?

Thanks for all you said goldenlemon. I m sorry to hear you are having complications, Im sure all will be fine....you have made it to 26 weeks so you are going into your 3rd trimester. Well done for managing without meds I wish I could although after the last attempts maybe I will.

Getting to 17 weeks has bee the hardest thing I have ever done and Ive not had an easy life, each day has been like wading through mud physically and mentally and Ive been keeping my team busy. I have spoken to them about feeling suicidal, my baby is the only thing that keeps me going also I promised my sister I would never try it again after an attempt 3 years ago. My partner is very supportive but he works long hours and 2 children so is not around alot. I move house on weds and do not how I will cope, I ve lived in my home for 13 years and all this change is too much for me. My next goal is the half way mark....so 3 weeks. Just trying to take each day as it comes but I am scared even when I get to the birth (c sec as that has aleady been agreed) then I will likely have PND to deal with and no meds I can take to help.....I want this baby so much just so scared I will not be able to give it what it deserves.

I wouldn't terminate either but I wanted to demonstrate how desperate I was at the time. I think you need to find the best medication to get you through these next few months. I have taken irregular doses of diazepam throughout all three of my pregnancies after the first trimester - as the baby of a mother who commits suicide has no chance of survival whereas a baby who has taken diazepam will live - it's about weighing the risks.

I started taking buspirone as a substitute for diazepam as I get the benzo hangover the next day. Buspirone is class B. Anxiety is terrible to live with and people don't understand that it takes over your life - the physical reactions like nausea and dizziness are side effects of the anxiety on your body - so if you can find the right medication to get your anxiety under control then hopefully you will start to feel physically better.

You are working towards giving your baby what it deserves by seeking help, taking your meds and being concerned about its well-being.

It sounds like you think in similar ways to me, focusing on post pregnancy pad for example which I feel is something I'm a candidate for but - you have pre empted this and identifying there are problems is crucial. I'm sure lots of people would struggle to ask for help/recognise feelings/speak those feelings. You are doing this so again, acknowledge just how well you are doing.

I aimed for twelve weeks and twenty weeks but found after each I had another little wobble about how far I still had to go. That is not meant to take wind out of your sails but just to say that might be a feeling you have, just ride it out. To someone who is not me I find it easy to say that for some people, pregnancy is not the earth mother, golden glowy experience we might hope for. I was a bit naive and it came as a shock to the system that actually this was going to be an endurance test. But there are nice parts. I'm not sure if you have movements yet but that is a comfort to me (apart from when he's sleeping). Do keep chatting here if it's helpful. We can do this!

Hi JJXM. I understand the need to make them understand the desperation somehow.....sometimes they tell me to hold a ice cube....this is not going to touch the anxiety. I agree that meds could help me feel less anxious and then maybe physically better but finding a med I can tolerate is difficult. Thanks for understanding that i need to take a small dose of diazepam right now some are very judgemental about this as it is cat d but I, like you, have only taken it after the 1st trimester and I do not think that anyone who has suffered with severe anxiety would judge as it is terrifying.

The psychologist says I am too concerned about my baby's welfare and that is causing me anxiety as I want to be perfect and cannot and am worrying about everything and I need to set my standards lower and stop beating myself up but i don't mean to. I will ask about Buspirone but I googled it and it has a serotonin component and I suspect that is what I am intolerant to. Diazepam works for sleep for as I don't get a hangover effect but I do not want to be taking it by the birth due to potential withdrawal for the baby. My GP thinks I should stay on the diazepam as we know it helps me but my psychiatrists don't seem too agree and are intent on getting me on an anti depressant....I just don't know....I am at my whits end as it is my life and my distress that they are toying with.