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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

OH doesn't seem that interested

17 replies

sepa · 11/09/2015 11:18

i am 14 weeks along in my first pregnancy and I don't feel that my OH even cares that we are expecting. Since our scan last week he has seemed more distant from me and when I spoke about baby names last night he refused to speak about it as "he believes it's a jinx"
I'm not sure if it's me being emotional and feeling like this or him being tired (he has just started a phisically demanding job) but I feel as though he is putting a downer on this.

I know that when the baby comes he will be a fantastic dad and he will be really excited by it I just can't help feeling a little upset my what appears to be a lack of enthusiasm at the moment.

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ARV1981 · 11/09/2015 11:20

My dh was a bit like this until my bump started to grow.

I think it's hard for them to imagine the baby before the bump.

He's now almost as excited as I am (being induced on Monday!!!)

Original poster

sepa · 11/09/2015 11:22

ARV1981 - good luck for Monday. You must be so excited!

OP posts:

ARV1981 · 11/09/2015 11:23

Oh I am... also terrified and know there's no going back! Lol

OctoberCupcake · 11/09/2015 11:25

Hi Sepa

I wouldn't worry too much at the moment; especially as you say if he's just starting a demanding job & is probably more tired and distracted than usual.

Granted we haven't had our 1st scan yet, but my DH has been nonchalant to the point of disinterest - but he's always like that until whatever it is to be excited about is actually HAPPENING (our wedding, birthdays, holidays etc).

We had a chat the other night about how it's HAPPENING for me right now, so perhaps he could bear that in mind rather than waiting until he's actually holding a baby, and he's been much better since.

Perhaps after your scan it's really hit home & he's having a bit of a freak out but doesn't want to worry you by saying anything? Perfectly normal though.

Give him a bit of time to get used to everything maybe & then see how he is?

Micah · 11/09/2015 11:28

For some people it's a bit abstract- the fact that a baby will actually be along fairly soon.

Others are educated on things that can go wrong, and know it's practically a miracle if things go smoothly.

I was the one who was pregnant and tbh I couldn't really get excited at all. I'm not overly keen on babies either so couldn't see what there was to get excited about- sleepless nights? Screaming small thing?

I was better in my second pregnancy as I understood more- I finally got what people meant when they said "can't wait to meet my baby". A new person, what colour eyes, what would they be like. I was still reserved though as I have a medical background- scans for example weren't fun and a chance to look at a baby, the 12 week was to check for MMC and downs, the 20 was an anomaly scan to check organ development.

I couldn't discuss names, I bought very little until the baby was actually here and real.

SunnyL · 11/09/2015 11:31

My DH bought a 2 seater sports car 6 weeks before my due date. When I asked him where the baby would sit he said he'd forgotten about the baby. Maybe it could sit in the footwell?

Cue one of our rare but epic arguments.

He's proven to be one of the best dad's I could have hoped for. He loves his little girl to bits and sold his 2 seater.

Don't worry too much. 14 weeks seems v early for some men.

Original poster

sepa · 11/09/2015 11:40

Thank you for your reassuring messages. Hopefully he will come round and get more excited when a bump is visible.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 11/09/2015 11:50

Sometimes people around us focus on the negatives - Life's going to change! No freedom! no boozy late nights! no sleep when the baby's here! no sex for a while! - if he's going to wobble about the new role ("Am I ready for this? What do I know about being a dad?") he might not show much enthusiasm yet.

It's new to you too and you want to know that it's a team effort. I bought a book that I left lying around all about the stages of pregnancy and how the baby was developing and physical changes I could expect. Pregnancy isn't an illness but there are obvious and less obvious changes afoot. It's a lot to get your head round and as everyone says he personally isn't affected early on.

Maybe he is by nature resistant to change. It can be scary but it can be exciting and positive. Any of his mates a dad yet?

Is his dad around, do/did they have a good relationship? Are his parents looking forward to being grandparents?

Artandco · 11/09/2015 11:58

Maybe get him researching? My dh is a researcher, he likes to be fully informed and get the most useful/ practical/ safe items. Can you set dh a list to research such as a car seat ( dh spent about 6+ months researching all the benefits of each and every one on the market I think!)

Charlottelidelle · 11/09/2015 12:40

Sounds like he's a little bit superstitious and just nervous! my husband was the same, he told me he stopped himself getting too excited incase something went wrong
Your OH is probably protecting himself in the same way! I wouldn't worry too much, as ARV1981 said when the bump starts showing it will become more of a reality and when the baby comes you'll both be happier than you ever thought you could be!!
hope this helps :)

Original poster

sepa · 11/09/2015 13:58

Thank you for your words. It has made me feel better. I think I'm just getting over emotional which I'm finding hard to deal with.

I think I will wait a few more weeks and see what he is like. I think I recall him being similar when we bought our house and him stressing that it was too much to take on so maybe it is the same now for him.

OP posts:

Micah · 11/09/2015 14:05

It might not be any different in a few weeks.

If you know he wants the baby, and is overall happy with the pregnancy, I wouldn't stress too much until the baby is actually here. If he's still disinterested then, I'd worry slightly.

Even when I had a massive bump I still couldn't get the reality of a baby. even when I had the baby it was more a case of getting on with the responsibility. I didn't really start to feel connected until a few weeks in and I'd got to know her.

CerseiLannistersEyebrow · 11/09/2015 14:21

It sounds like the scan made him realise the enormity and he's scared of it going wrong so is distancing himself to protect himself. I did the same thing when I was pregnant.

Grizzer · 11/09/2015 18:45

My dh is the same Sepa. With dd1 we didn't discuss names until we were on our way to the hospital! This time round he is very anxious (I've lost 3 babies) & won't even feel my tummy when the baby kicks! He won't talk about the baby & hates all the scans (in case it's bad news) but he is doing more cooking & cleaning & checks I'm ok a lot more so I know he is thinking about it. I think it can be either a very anxious time for men, or not real because they don't feel the growing process like we do. I'm sure your dh will be very excited nearer the time.

TenForward82 · 11/09/2015 18:51

My DH was like this too. I think he was frightened to get excited in case it went wrong. Now I'm 18 weeks, he's talking about it constantly!

Lucy61 · 11/09/2015 20:41

My dh didn't seem interested in my pregnancy the first time round, not even when I was huge and the baby was moving a lot. It just seemed abstract to him. He is now a brilliant and affectionate father to our ds. I'm pregnant again. This time round, he is much more interested as he now really understands what a new baby means and how much he would love one.

At this stage, op, your pregnancy feels very real to you as you are experiencing it but for him, it is very much abstract.

Pigriver · 12/09/2015 22:43

My dh was never very forthcoming in the early days (and honestly..14 weeks is early! I feel like I've been pregnant for years) he needed time to process and slowly began to initiate conversations etc. when he could feel baby kick it began to feel real. He was also very wary of making too many plans in case the worst happened.
I'd say be 22 weeks he was definitely much more involved. Our baby is now overdue and he chats to bump and talks about when baby is here etc.
Good luck, I'm sure he'll come round.

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