It's positive

[FluffyPersian]

It's positive.

I was am 5 days late, I have already taken 2 tests and thought it was just the stress of starting my new job a month ago. I took another one this morning as my period still hadn't started and it's positive.

I have been with my Boyfriend for 7 years - we live 1/4 a mile away from each other and are currently saving for stamp duty to buy a house early next year. I was / am planning on proposing next year and he's already said he'd marry me tomorrow, but I wanted to wait until we'd sorted the house.

We both want children, I'm 33.5 (so is he) and so I said 'let's just see how it goes', we'll deal with it, if it happens... however as you hear so many stories about 'women over 30's fertility declining', I thought it would take 6-9 months.....

It took 4 weeks... We literally stopped using condoms a few weeks ago and my 3rd test has come back positive.

I'm in utter, utter shock and so terrified - I don't qualify for maternity leave at work (stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid me - I didn't realise you counted 'pregnancy' from your last period... I thought it was when sperm met egg.... ) and all I would have had to do is wait another MONTH and I would have qualified.

I phoned him 20 mins ago crying down the phone and he was his normal 'Don't worry, things will be fine', but... I'm just petrified and crying.

I don't even know why I'm posting, I guess I'd just like someone to say that things will be OK and that being scared is normal... Are you supposed to feel different? When do I start potentially being sick? Should I start taking folic acid now?

I drank wine on Saturday - I know I won't touch another drop, but could this be detrimental?

Oh God.Oh God. Oh God.

It's normal to worry. So don't worry!

Congratulations

Start taking vitamins/folic acid asap.
You might not get any morning sickness at all, I didn't (I'm pregnant with my 2nd)

I was extremely drunk 2 days before I had my BFP with my DS - he's now a very healthy 5yo

It is normal to worry, but just take a deep breath.

You might not qualify for maternity pay through your work, but as long as you have been working somewhere else prior to that, you will get SMP (statutory maternity pay) through the government. You will still be granted maternity leave in this case

First of all, congratulations!

I'm with you on the pregnancy happening much quicker than expected, so I can sympathise with the shock and worry. It is totally normal. I also worried about drinking alcohol before I knew, but everything seems to be going fine.

Start taking vitamins, book an appointment with your GP, and take everything one step at a time.

I'm only 18 weeks in so I can't advise much more than to say, you'll slowly start to get your head around it all. The most important thing is to take care of yourself, as you're likely to start to feel more tired soon and may get sick /nauseous too (although not necessarily, I didn't, but still find the exhaustion crippling).

As wannabelaracraoft said, you can still take maternity leave and will get statutory pay, even if you don't quality for your employer's maternity package yet.

Life rarely goes as we plan but the great thing is you are expecting a child with a man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. That's pretty amazing . Hold onto that and everything else will fall into place.

Thank you both so much. I know I'm very lucky in some ways - My Boyfriend is absolutely amazing and completely supportive. He came home at lunch time and gave me a cuddle. I was freaking out (I plan everything... massive control freak and anxiety issues)... How will we cope? I'm not ready... I even apologised for 'trapping' him whilst bursting into tears (he was fully aware it could happen as we both talked about having kids, but I feel really guilty it happened so soon).

He was like 'It will be fine, just calm down'... so I'm going to try and take one day at a time, and just.... chill.

I won't be touching alcohol and am trying to get my head around all the lingo - I guess I never thought it would take 'one attempt' as I have been reading all the stories about dwindling fertility after 30 and thought we'd have 6-9 months of 'fun' before hand.

I'll buy some vitamins tonight - Thank you again.

And breathe.

I'm 17 weeks and I promise, once the shock dies, it does get better.

My Husband and I were so over the moon when we found out, but that didn't stop us freaking out. For all the planning and discussion in the world, we suddenly realised we were going to have to actually make space for a third person, someone who we would be entirely responsible for.

Absolutely don't panic about the drinking thing. I was hammered a week before I found out, as long as you don't go on a bender now (and obviously cut back!), your baby will be fine. I've known so many friends who were bladdered before they knew and their babies are perfect (if not always Angels).

As ruby said, it's about looking after yourself now. Vitamins are the starting point, book an appointment with the GP/Midwife (in this area it's straight to the midwife) and eat as well as you can.

A few things I learnt in the early days:

1. Don't panic about cramping unless it's severe and accompanied by bleeding. It's perfectly normal as your body prepares for the new addition
2. Sleep now, or forever hold your peace. As the pregnancy develops, you're going to feel exhausted, so start to calm the schedule down a bit if you're inherently busy - it will also help if you don't necessarily want to tell the world before 12 weeks. It will start to ease in the 2nd trimester.
3. Not everyone gets sickness (as you can see from pp) - I didn't. I had occasional nausea but that was it. If you do get it, I apologise for this one.
4. Drink lots of water - yes you will need to pee more than you have ever peed before, but it'll help you and baby and hydration will keep you going when you're ready to fall asleep on the desk.
5. Cut back on the coffee or change to decaf.
6. Don't panic. When the shock is over, it's amazing.

Hello & Congratulations!

I'm also new around here and in a similar boat to you! I'm 6 weeks gone after only 2 weeks not being as careful as we previously had been, and also assuming it would take months!

I'm also scared & stressing out; we live in a studio flat so will have to move, and I'm working on a project that culminates next July (due date is early May!) so work aren't exactly going to be thrilled.

BUT what's done is done, and the best thing we can do is relax, take care of ourselves and let everything else take of itself.

Don't panic about the drinking; I also drank a fair bit the weekend before I found out, I'd say that many people do - as long as you're aware now and doing everything accordingly there's no reason to think baby will be anything but fine.

x

Coffee - That's just so helpful.

That's exactly how I feel to a T... I'm thinking I won't be able to do 'cheese and wine' with my sisters at Christmas, or go to the Spa in the Sauna... and work out childcare stuff - I've been all 'me, me, me' for 33 years and now it's like 'BOOM'.

I do have incredibly busy social life - I work in the City and commute 1.5 hours each way a day.. and then see friends 4/5 week nights, it's totally full on and I feel knackered 'normally'.

At the moment I don't want to tell anyone at all (apart from my counsellor who I see every Tuesday as I'm massively needlephobic and needed counselling to go under a GA for wisdom teeth removal) - As I know there will be needles / injections involved in the next 9 months and that is really upsetting at the moment (I know I'll do whatever is necessary, but it's a massive thing for me).

Even the cramping - I kept thinking it was my period so was getting a bit frustrated when nothing was coming - Now I've got the positive test (which I keep staring at, as if I've read it wrong the last 100 times ) I think it's all in my head, but I can 'feel' little cramps in my lower left tummy.. I was just googling 'ectopic pregnancy' to ensure I could work out if that happens to me... Such a muppet.

The shock is just subsiding - I'm working from home today and think I sounded totally normal on the conference calls.

I am a total tea addict, but since I did the test this morning, I'm now on water . I'm wondering if I should add decaf teabags to my list of vitamins for tonight.

It's just.. like, well .. grown ups have babies - I just never thought it would actually happen to me .

Deep breath, it will be fine

(and thanks again)

Tbh, I think not being scared is the less-than-normal response esp to a first pregnancy. Suddenly you are confronted with an impending very real change to all aspects of your life. If it makes you feel any better, I am 38, coming to the end of my pregnancy with baby no. 3 and still quietly terrified. Says it all. I remember very clearly with my first ever pg (which ended in mc but was rapidly followed by my pregnancy with dc1), although it was very much wanted, thinking 'oh no, oh no, what have we done?' and wanting to turn the clock back and use contraception. Suffice to say that over eleven years on from that moment, I am beyond thrilled with my brilliant boys, and I am rather guessing I will be with this baby too.

It's a pity about work, but might you be able to negotiate a package of some kind with them? It may involve committing to go back for a certain period, but if they value you and want to keep you they may be amenable.

Yes to the folic acid. No to worrying about the wine - it is extremely common, to say the least, to have indulged before realising you were pg. In terms of pregnancy info/risks in general, I found 'Expecting Better' by Emily Oster a good and reassuring read - her rather hard-headed approach takes some getting used to, but the book is a great balanced view beyond the 'touch one drop of alcohol within 3y of conceiving and you are a Terrible Mother and your baby is Doomed' hysteria.

I'm another who only had minimal sickness. With no. 1 I felt sick precisely once, with nos. 2 and 3 there were a few weeks of vague queasiness and one vomiting incident with no. 2. I was definitely on the very lucky side with this (a total of 6 mcs perhaps balances that out a bit) and i do think most people have some degree of feeling crap, but it isn't inevitably debilitating.

Take your time to let things sink in.

Oh, on the caffeine, the NHS says you can have 200mg a day and be under the levels at which some studies have suggested mc rates begin to rise. When I had my first two it was 300. I actually went off coffee for most of my pregnancy this time round, but even with 3 cups of tea a day you will probably be under the 200mg figure. I switched to decaf some of the time and had a cup of caffeinated tea in the mornings to get me going. If you like Coke (I don't) that's another source of caffeine to consider.

You might be eligible for Maternity Allowance if you're not eligible for Statutory Maternity Pay.

Congratulations

October - Congratulations to you too (and all the other lovely ladies who have posted).

I left my job as my Boss was sleeping with one of the women (third time he's done it) and was trying to push me out - Secret meetings, handing over some of my departments to her etc... My new Boss / Team / Company seem incredibly lovely and even though I'm working in a team of 100% male contractors - they all talk about their wives with respect and most of them have children... even my Boss has kids, so whilst it's really early days, I think I'm settling in well and should be OK.

It's also very similar that we were going to start house hunting next January - I'm going to move in with my boyfriend so lots of moving and logistics fun to come in the next few months.

I'm really grateful that everyone says 'Don't worry about the drinking'. It was 1/3rd of a bottle of red wine and a pint of pims (normal strength), drunk over about 6 hours.... It makes me feel less 'stupid', that other people have done it as well and things have worked out absolutely fine.

I've been trying to healthy eat for a while and whilst I'm not skinny by any means (size 16), I was planning on continuing to eat healthy, not over eat and just ensure I'm not eating the wrong things.

So far, not feeling any sickness whatsoever, so I'm hoping that will continue - apparently my Mum (who had 4 kids) had no morning sickness, so I guess we'll have to see!

I feel better if I plan stuff.. like, everything... spreadsheets, 'to do' lists... my calendar is always up to date - Thinking my body can take care of itself is just very... alien to me, but you're totally right!

HeteronormativeHaybales:

'thinking 'oh no, oh no, what have we done?' and wanting to turn the clock back and use contraception' That's exactly it.. that's exactly what I'm thinking. Why didn't we use contraception for just 1-2 more months and then everything would be a lot easier and simpler... but noooo, I thought this would take some time to happen, so thought we may as well 'get some fun practice in' - However, I will take full responsibility for this. I'm sorry to hear about your mc - Congrats on your 3rd PG!

That's a really good idea about discussing a package - I never even thought that might be an option and certainly something I could do. The idea of being financially dependant on my Boyfriend, even for a mere 3 months is not something I want to do.... I've always been so independent, I've always wanted to 'pay my way' and feel quite... evil? selfish? thinking about 'How will this work financially?' and blaming myself for just 'going for it' and not thinking about the consequences.

But yes, what's done is done - I love Cherry Pepsi Max (my sin), however I'll check the can before drinking my usual amount per day....

Thanks for telling me about maternity allowance, Culture - I didn't know there was a difference, so will be looking into that, too!

Hi Fluffy... Doesn't maternity allowance count from the 11th week? Xx

I've been at my company for 3.5 weeks gem - So I don't know if I qualify. I believe I needed to be working for my company for approx 4 weeks before getting pregnant and then I'd be OK.... I think it's basically 41 weeks by the time your baby is due so you can't be pregnant when you join...

Congratulations! I also got pregnant on the first month of 'seeing what happens' and also felt a little shocked! It sounds like everything will work out for you- a stable and happy relationship is a brilliant starting point I've found. It has really helped me to be honest about what scares me/fearful for the future- even though we're both delighted to be expecting, it's a bit of an unnerving time.
Sounds ridiculous but feeling comfortable (buying a bigger bra as your boobs expand, loose waistband, comfy knickers etc) helped me. After the pre-natal vits, bigger knickers, bras and leggings were top of my list!

I had a very big weekend before getting a positive test (two nights where I probably had more than a bottle of wine each eve and a large gin or baileys- we had guests staying from Ireland and really enjoyed ourselves ). I guess I just felt 'what's done is done' and after a bit a research on potential effects realised there's very little chance I'd done any damage.

On the work front- www.gov.uk/maternity-pay-leave/eligibility- this website will help you work out your entitlements. I have a feeling you won't qualify for SMP but def check out mat allowance and try to negotiate something with HR. You are entitled to the full mat leave allowance of up to 52 weeks. I know what you mean about feeling financially dependent on someone. I have similar misgivings but the fact is I will be financially dependent on my OH but I am having his baby so we're totally in it together and have shared responsibility- I'll do the majority of the childcare off on mat leave and he'll bring home the bacon :-)

You might feel like relaxing your busy social life in a few weeks time. I felt knackered from weeks 8 to 14 but you never know- you might entirely get away with it :-) try not to be hard on yourself if you can't keep up with everything you'd like to do. It won't be forever and the odd quiet night on the sofa under a blanket eating chips a lovely nutritious dinner might be a really nice thing.

Take each day/feeling/symptom/funny abdominal twinge as it comes

Firstly congratulations, I was in a similar position and hadn't been at my job very long when I fell pregnant and only just qualified by 2 weeks for Materniy pay which they only do as statutory. I think the rule
Is that you have to be working there 16 weeks before the 14th week before expected due date, which sound confusing but basically I counted 16 weeks forward from when i started and then you count 14 weeks from your due date backwards and as long as the two dates don't meet in the middle or overlap then you qualify, but if not you should be entitled for Statutory maternity allowance from the government but your HR will be able tell you all about it.

Try not to stress and worry it will all sort itself out x

Thank you all for your kind comments - I thought I'd continue this thread rather than post another one as I don't want to upset anyone. Although it's only 'day 3' of knowing, I'm not feeling any happiness at all - just total anxiety, worry and unhappiness, which I appreciate isn't probably normal. I haven't really slept for the last 2 nights as my thoughts are so negative - most are around blood tests / vaginal birth / Doctors touching and doing things to me without my permission and I feel so guilty for not being happy yet, but I'm consumed with these feelings.

I've been having private counselling for 11 months for anxiety over needles / injections and also Medical Professionals not respecting / listening to my wishes - This all started when I had suspected meningitis when I was 4 and was taken in an ambulance to hospital where I was held down, didn't know what was happening and had a lumbar puncture (which went wrong and had to be redone) only to be on a drip for a week.

I had to have 2 widsom teeth out in January and had a full blown panic attack with the lovely anaesthetist told me that the pre-op nurse was incorrect, and I couldn't be gassed to sleep, the cannula had to be in my hand before I went to sleep.

I also was present for the birth of my niece 3 years ago which was incredibly traumatic and resulted in my sister having a 3rd degree tear needing 2 hours of stitches, a double prolapse and the next morning she fainted due to blood loss. Her 'birth debrief' was her, in a room with a Dr and Nurse telling her that the 'problem was that labour is hard and that if 'Gold stars were given out, she'd have one as her technical labour was only 7 hours long'...

My poor sister was induced at 42 weeks and gave birth to a 9lbs 3oz baby. She has diagnosed PTSD and refuses to even contemplate the idea of having another child due to what happened.

I just can't have that as a possibility. I know everyone is different, but the potential of something similar happening to me (and my sister had a lot of injections / blood tests, was refused an epidural so only had gas and air) - Noone seemed to respect her wishes, she was a 'non entity' in some ways and it's terrified me.

I had to go to the Drs today for another matter, so mentioned I was just pregnant and burst into tears, saying I see that I have two options - ELCS or termination and I would like clarification on how I can potentially get an ELCS, I know there are risks, I know that there could be potentially problems - but the process seems more controlled, I'd have much more input, my wishes would be respected...and I feel able to enjoy the next few months, rather than currently feeling as if I'm standing on top of a massive cliff.

The Dr was really nice, spoke to another Dr and came back in the room saying I could make an appointment with a midwife and discuss my fears / options - turns out there's an appointment today.

I feel the most evil person in the world for even mentioning the 'T' word, I want to be happy and I really want to be a Mother. I just don't feel I can cope with 8 months of constant negative thoughts / worries and fears. I appreciate this may sound stupid, however these anxieties have literally ruled my life and whilst my counselling has helped enormously, I don't feel I can go through a vaginal birth .