really worried - reassurance / advice

[Frillsandspillsx2]

over a month ago my dad was diagnosed with mouth cancer. It's been a very stressful time for the family but eventually we were told it was expected he would make a full recovery as he was in the early stages and he'd just be having an operation to remove the tumour.

Yesterday he had his operation and we were told it went well. I live with my parents at the minute so I'm constantly with my mum. at 5 past 1 this morning we had a phone call to say he'd been taken back down to theatre as he was bleeding from his throat as her had an operation on his neck to remove his glands and he'd probably end up in intensive care. I was so worried I felt my heart was going to burst out my chest and I could not stop shaking. My mum and my grandmother went down to the hospital and he'd been placed on a life support machine. When operating they found a lot of congealed blood in his throat and they are not sure where the bleeding was coming so they're hoping that the treatment he's been on will stop it, and he's hopefully going to be weaned off the life support machine.

Apologies for rambling on, but what I wanted to ask was about whether so much stress will affect my baby? I'm trying to stay calm as I don't want to get all worked up before we know anything more. If the worst case scenario happens and my dad doesn't make it off the life support machine, I'm terrified about what the stress will do to my baby/pregnancy. I have all sorts of fears about going into labour early due to stress or not eating as much and that causing a problem as it's very hard to eat when you feel so sick with worry.

I'm worried about my dad of course but that is completely out of my control, but on top of that I feel even more stressed worrying about my baby and what stress levels can do as im terrified periods of such a rapid heart rate will do harm. I'm not sure how stupid that sounds because I know everyone gets stressed in pregnancy.

Any advice about how to deal with this in the calmest way, or any reassurance that stress will be fine would be really appreciated.

TIA

Forgot to add I'm 25 weeks

Hi there, I'm pretty sure that I've read that only exceptional levels of stress (such as living in war torn country where life is in danger daily) cause harm to your baby but having said that the situation you're in is incredibly difficult and you might feel you'd benefit from seeing the gp and getting a referral for support.
It sounds like a very stressful time and you seem like you're coping brilliantly. The symptoms described (racing heart etc) are related to the flight/fight release of adrenaline that happens under stress. Daily mindfulness and relaxation techniques may help (check out mood gym and head space online or by app).
Try to get your calories up by eating what you fancy when you fancy it. Milkshakes and smoothies might be good if you're not feeling like eating much. I'm no expert- I'd def chat to your gp and midwife.
Have you got support from friends, partner etc in rl to talk to?

Thank you CarShare I have a midwife appointment on Wednesday so I will mention it then and see if there's anything that can help, I'm
Just a bit worried about the mean time but I will definitely try those apps.
I have lots of support in RL, but nobody really knows what to say or do until we know what's really going and I think the waiting around is the worst part.
I daren't Google anything about stress in case that does more harm than good!

Glad you have lots of support. Yes- good idea to stay away from Google. Wishing your dad all the best

Thank you CarShare fingers crossed!

Hi Frills, I just couldn't read and run, even though I don't have much expert knowledge re stress in pregnancy, I just wanted to wish your Dad a quick recovery and get well very very soon, it must be such an awful time for you and you family, but you sound very strong and I'm sure you'll cope brilliantly. As for the baby, like I said I don't know much about the subject, but personally I wouldn't think it'll do any harm, firstly because at 25 weeks all the major organs are formed and your baby is mainly just growing, and secondly what they mean when they say stress is bad in pregnancy, they are talking about constant very high levels of stress throughout pregnancy, like say constant life danger or something like that. Really I'm sure your baby will be fine, meanwhile try and relax as much as you can (easily said I know).

All the best wishes of recovery to your Father again.

Wishing your dad a speedy recovery.

My friend last year lost her step-father who she was really close to. She was about the same way through as you. The baby wasn't harmed by the stress of it and she now has a healthy 10 month old. The Dr put her on a sort of protein shake for her to get nutrients so should you find your food intake not being as it should then go to your Dr and see what they reccomend