2 under 2, well, almost!

[jugglingmonkey]

I'm 21 weeks with DC2 (it's a girl)! I already have DS1 who will have just turned 2 when new baby arrives.

What sorts of things can I be doing to prepare myself as much as possible for the onslaught of 2 very little ones?

I've accepted that I'll probably need a double buggy so doing some proper research into that now, but what other things will help?

Specifically interested in how I arrange available childcare for DS1? He's currently in nursery two days a week, which will continue for the first 4 months of my mat leave. DM is offering me 2 days help, however/whenever I like, but she'll need a regular rota as she works freelance so needs to plan it in her diary.

I'll be doing the usual bulk cooking/stocking up, but any practical tips for preparing for no.2 would be much appreciated.

*aversion

I had 24 months and one day between my eldest 2 (my mother loves to wave her 2 under 2 flag as if its a special club of unique super beings and totally different and much harder than a 2 year gap - her gap was 1 year 363 days,she had 2 under 2 for two whole days, during which she was in hospital with the new baby anyway :o and it was 40 bloody years ago )

Anyway... :o

Sling.

Don't potty train just before DC2 is born - very bad idea even if it does click in 2 weeks (which is unlikely at 2) as DC1 absolutely definitely will need the toilet every single time you settle down on the sofa to feed DC2.

DC2 lived in a sling for his first 6 months - breast fed in it, napped in it, and I continued almost exactly as I had during the last months of my pregnancy with DC1. I attribute DC2's bloody brilliant sleep and the total lack of any jealousy to the sling and continuing normal toddlers group/ play park routine with DD... but of course it could just have been luck / their personalities. I didn't need / use the sling so much with DC3 as the gap was bigger and he was a terrible sleeper...

Also have DH or whoever collects you from hospital bring DC1 along so that he doesn't come home to a "new" family set up ready made and settled into his house... I do think that is where a lot of resentment starts...

Yes and pack the big changing bag the night before / when you have a free moment without a child in your arms and keep it ready to go by the door, with changes of clothes and nappies for both kids and snacks for DC1 to eat while you feed DC2.

Congratulations first off.

I have an 11 month age gap between DS2 & DD3. It's been rough sometimes but when it's good it's great.

I second the double buggy, I so wanted the bugaboo donkey but it was out of our price range, I went with the city mini double in the end with a carrycot and it is good.

Just cut yourself some slack, it's ok to just sit there and ignore the washing sometimes when you feel like doing absolutely nothing.

2 years 1 day difference here, DC2 is 6 weeks. We don't have a double buggy, but sling/carrier is an absolute must (didn't use them much with DC1).

I have 20 months between my DC. I tried (not always successfully to get them to have a nap in the afternoon together by walking them round in a double buggy until they fell asleep. Just half an hour to myself helped. A sling helped with a baby and a toddler. Dd would not be put down so a sling helped me give Ds attention and playtime/baking time, our local park was a godsend. I would walk Ds there and back or let him take his scooter.
Walk to the shops/supermarket every couple of days. The double pushchair held about a weeks shopping but it's a scenic 30 min walk so I could tire Ds out walking there, stopping to look at trees/pine cones/gardens/snails/pebbles and then he would (mostly) nap whilst I shopped in peace. The supermarket had a cafe so I could feed dd there and treat Ds to a drink and a snack.
Again, snack/tv time for Ds whilst dd needed feeding at home.
Co-sleeping. We all went to bed at the same time (DH works away so this worked for us).
Don't expect too much from yourself or them. Concentrate on eating well and giving both attention. Housework will get done when you can. No big changes to the elder as they will associate it with the new baby.
I didn't potty train either until they were 2.8 and 2.4 respectively. Ds just wasn't ready and dd did it herself with minimal input from me. I remember lots of you tube peppa pig too.

oh and how funny that there are several people with the same gap on this thread!

One thing I will say is that the first few weeks are almost the easiest - with the newborn sleepy stage. And then (sorry) you will possibly get a "wham" moment at about 6/8 weeks where you are pulled in two - 2yo needs a poo/has done a poo. Newborn needs a feed/crying as needs a nap/soothing/etc etc.

At this point you may thing wtaf how the fuckity fuck am I supposed to do this. Just remember it is OK. We have all been there. Just remember that the best thing to do is to put the newborn somewhere safe (bouncy chair, in their cot, in their car seat with you rocking it with you foot - where ever) and deal with the 2 yo. Often quicker to sort out a 2 yo and the newborn, even if crying, will not come to any lasting harm. Also helps prevent the 2yo feeling pushed out by the baby.

My life felt better once I realised that the newborn really, really was going to be OK if left crying whilst I sorted the 2yo. I just repeated "they are safe, they are fine, I will go to them as quickly as possible" It felt a bit sickening, as listening to any of your DCs crying does - but it will be OK. And it was.

There are moments when 2 feels like wayyyy more than twice the work iyswim. But oh, my it is worth it. My two are now 9 & 7 and the joy and friendship they get from each other is amazing.

You could always get a 2nd hand double if you're not sure or think you'll only need it a few months. I didn't get one but then DD wouldn't go in a buggy anyway by 2 (she's been walking securely from 9 months), and we live rurally so buggies are for walks or around town - to actually get to anywhere its car or bike trailer - its several miles to the nearest village shop and double that to a supermarket or toddlers group... Of course by almost 3 she did want to get in the buggy with DC2, but that's a different story and used to I let her get in the sturdy big single travel system push chair with him for a bit if we were away from roads as he was a sturdy chunk by 11 months and she was a tiny petite thing at nearly 3

mrsnec- will your husband be staying at home with the children? No?mthen he doesn't get to dictate what you will need !

Mine were 28 months apart and I had a double buggy for a few weeks when sent it back. I then had a sling and buggy and and then had a baby 22 months after baby number two and managed with a sling and buggy again with a buggy board when school started. Four year old on the board, two year old in buggy a dn nine week old I the sling.

I had just under 2 years between mine. Had a double buggy as dc1 still at nursery 3 days a week and was a mile+ away.

Sadly dc1 dropped nap at 2, I think I had maybe 3 days when both napped at same time, but double buggy meant could strap both in and go for walk which was a sort of downtime for me.

As pp have said, don't potty train. You'll forever be leaping up to respond to wails of "I need a wee" and if dc1 is at all put out by baby's arrival it won't take long for them to suss that is the perfect way to get your immediate attention.

I found it OK with 2, but did horrify a friend who said couldn't imagine managing to get themselves and 2 DC dressed in morning by revealing I didn't dress the baby, just left it in overnight sleepsuit and changed when milk / sick / poo / recent bath dictated. So perhaps the secret to coping is very low standards?

Just remembered, dh was working away 4 nights a week for first 6-8 weeks of dc2 life.

Bedtimes I washed, changed and fed dc2 and put them in Moses basket and left them while dc1 got story and mummy time. Even in dc2 cried, they were left until dc1 routine finished so at least one was in bed and ready to sleep. I then spent hours with cluster feeding dc2 but without having to deal with unsettled and over tired toddler.

I think I probably had it quite easy in some ways as DC1 could dress herself (aside from still needing me to change her nappy, and buttons and zips, but she had mainly pull on clothes!) long before she was 2... aside from potty training, which she did at a very average 2.5, she was quite advanced with her self care skills and language. The more DC1 can do for themselves the easier of course... but I know that depends more on the child and there's not much you can do to force it, as although my DC2 wasn't far behind DC1, DC3 was still refusing to dress himself at 3!

I agree lower standards especially in regards to TV if your older one doesn't nap - DC1 had stopped napping at 18 months (when I was 12 weeks pregnant, thanks DC1) and always got up at 5.30am - a habit I couldn't break her of til she turned 6 no matter how many walks I took her for or how late I put her to bed, and starting preschool made no difference either... so I used to pre record Mr Tumble and Night Garden and put them on when she got up, and snooze on the sofa til 6/6.30am while she watched...

There are 17months between dc2&3 they're 4&5now) I couldn't have managed without a double (babyjogger City mini) because although I used slings for school run it was excellent to be able to put both in the buggy and go for a walk and they'd nod off and I would get a few precious minutes to myself!

DC2 was an early walker but double buggies are just great for crowd control! 17month olds don't always want to walk in the right direction.

Also (and I'm sorry this isn't environmentally friendly advice!) depending on the refuse collection service in your area you may be able to get a second rubbish bin if you have two in nappies at the same time.

16 month gap between DC1 and DC2 here. I didn't use a double buggy - much prefer single + sling. It also allowed me to swap around who was in the buggy and who in a sling. I did have a good sling though - wouldn't want to do that with a Bjorn etc. If you can, get to your local sling library and get sorted with a sling even if you do decide to go for a double buggy….it's much easier to meet the elder one's needs with the little one happy on your front.

You will be fine. I had no childcare (I was a SAHM after the first so she wasn't in any nursery), and DH not home until after bedtime Monday-Friday and I coped! Albeit without a very tidy house….

Well Dh does sort of have a point because we have similar circumstances to NurNoch but yes I will get whatever I need.

I also think we got it right with dd.She has everything she needs without us buying too much which is what dh wants to avoid.

I do look at fb sites etc for second hand stuff but people are so greedy here. The last buggy I saw on there was a single one, mothercare own brand 400e! So it's cheaper to buy new from amazon for us.

It's funny about the 2 under 2 club. Heard the same from dm. There is the same age gap between db and I and she raised us as if we were twins. We've ended up not being close but that's another thread.

Still undecided about the room.I think both of us are reluctant to give up the guest room just yet.

21m gap here. Kids now 2 and 3 months.

Keep your eldest in nursery as long as possible! Mine goes 2 dpw.

Get a sling, but be prepared to try different ones.

Accept all offers of help!

Make sure your dp does his fair share. Mine works ft yet does the night/early morning shift with toddler which helps me a lot. Yes we're both knackered but it's how it is for now.

Get out and about as much as you can (playdates, playgroups etc.)
so that toddler can let off steam and you don't feel guilty putting cbeebies on when you get home.

I think lowering your standards re housework is important too but I've not cracked that one just yet.
My house is a tip but I don't have the time or energy to sort it and it permanently annoys me.

Oh and we've coped without double buggy for now, though we don't walk long distances.
Have buggy board and a sling and if we go on a bug family expedition we have a compact stroller for toddler so we take 2.

Big not bug!

23 month gap here.

Double buggy (Phil and Teds) was invaluable, I tried single and sling, or single and buggyboard, both gave me backache, I never got on with slings at all, they always made me too hot and the baby was permanently in the way. Only way to find out if they are right for you is to try though.

Will you be going back to work? If so think about keeping that nursery place going for DC1 otherwise they might lose it.

Don't try any big changes for DC1 in the first few months with DC2, eg potty training, moving bedrooms, they already have one big change to contend with. We planned to move DC1 out of the cotbed into a proper bed at around 2 yrs 3 months when DC2 would need to come out of the moses basket, he really wasn't ready so we bought another cotbed secondhand and let him stay in his for another 6 months. We kept them in separate rooms, but they did end up moving in together aged about 6 and 8 for three years or so.

14 month gap

Phil and Teds- lifesaver

Sort clothes and have seperate draws for tops, vests, trousers. Ours has seven drawers and we use the top as a changing surface. Great job.

Toddler eats everything by themself - ikea bibs with sleeves - stock up

Out every morning - just keep changing bag full at all times. I keep a reserve of stuff in the car too so all I have to worry about is getting ourselves dressed and into the car.

I usually bring baby in sleepsuit and feed and change into daytime outfit while at toddler group.

Toddler groups occupy the older child and frees you up

definately bath together. I bring the bouncer into the bathroom, Strip toddler then as he plays, strip baby and quick wash and nappy and change and back into the bouncer and thenthe same with toddler.

Long car journey to shopping centre once a week - babies sleep in the car I get a coffee at the drive through. Hour around the shops and home. Lifesaver and I look forward to it so much.

We got a local babysitter when baby turned 6 months so go out once a fortnight for meal, cinema

We don't have nursery of other help so that is a must.

Oh and CBeebies is your friend!

CBeebies is already my friend (and YouTube peppa pig!).

Any tandem buggy recommendations? I can't see DS in the bottom of a P&Teds... I love my single city mini GT but don't want to go side by side.

Loving this thread and all your tips!

Tandem buggies are heavy to push. I remember when I nannied trying to tip the buggy up on to the kerb with a heavy toddler in the front. I have used two side by side doubles -one at work and one at home - and I would never chose a tandem.

3 in 18 months here. Youngest two were twins. You sound well organised!

I quite liked the Topsy and Tim and the new baby book for preparing DD for the new babies.

It's invaluable that your DM is going to help out like that. I'd prefer two full days of minding but you will know best what works with your routine.

When the eldest was steady on her feet i like the double buggy with a buggy board.

I found a baby swing, vibrating baby chair and fisher-price jumparoo quite useful for keeping one of the babies occupied (though these take up space).

I'm reading these tips with interest as am expecting number 4 unexpectedly after a gap.

Congratulations

Loving this thread as I'm due my DC2 in February and there will be a 20 month age gap and my DH works 7 days a week - agh!