Just had a meltdown over tonight's dinner....

[RockerMummy184]

Just had a complete meltdown over tonight's dinner and now I need a hand to hold, or some sense knocking into me if I've been completely unreasonable.

29wks pg with twins. I'm huge. I have a 2yo son, am still at work full time, I have SPD, absolute debilitating exhaustion, suffering from migraines and nausea, I'm uncomfortable and generally a bit hormonal (but this is the first time I've let DH see me cry because he gets angry if I do)

Anyway, I've been in bed with a migraine for a few hours this afternoon, DH took DS to the beach. After some strong anti-sickness meds and painkillers I'm feeling a bit better albeit a little woozy and still bloody exhausted! So I said to DH I couldn't be bothered cooking dinner tonight (I'm the 'head chef' of the household, in 5 years he's cooked for me around 4/5 times) and was going to order Chinese food. He complained that I was throwing money away (fair point) and that it was unreasonable to have take away for dinner 2 nights in a row (also a very fair point). So I told him I wouldn't order and he said 'no problem, I'll just grab something for myself later.'
I replied that I would quite like to eat at some point today too, so could I have something and he said 'well you'd better order Chinese food then!'
I tried to speak to him and find out why he was happy to cook for himself but wouldn't make his heavily pregnant wife some dinner when I have been ill all afternoon, but I just ended up getting upset and broke down in tears.

How hard is it to make someone something do eat!?
Reading this back I appreciate it sounds ridiculous but I'm so upset.

It doesn't sound ridiculous at all and your husband is not a nice man.

You are not ridiculous. He sounds awful. Why are you with him? He gets angry when you're upset?! Can you show him this thread? He doesn't need to do gourmet cooking, just provide a meal - a sandwich for an ill person is fuel and a weight off your mind.

Wait, what? You've been completely unreasonable? How the hell did you come to that conclusion?

Taking to your bed when you're heavily pregnant and in pain is not unreasonable. Neither is not wanting to cook.

If your partner is going to cook for himself why the hell can't the selfish arse do a little extra for you?

If I were you , I would stop cooking for him! You are ill and he is just going to grab something for himself?! He's selfish!

That crazy! Why isn't his default position that he makes dinner? He sounds like a twat

He sounds like an entitled prick.

He's a twat. hope you feel a little better soon.

Stuff him and worry about yourself and your babies growing inside you.

He should be making you dinner!! What a selfish prick

It's not ridiculous - and if he wants to throw money away by not cooking a meal for you meaning you have to order in, so be it. Don't miss dinner. Order as much food as you need and take care of yourself, clearly no-one else is going to.

He sounds like he needs a huge reality check as well as a massive kick up the arse and you need some tlc. Get the Chinese ordered (just for yourself of course- he's sorting himself out) and start being much stricter about his unacceptable treatment of you

What an arse. I've cooked fewer than ten dinners since I've been pregnant. Your H should be looking after yiu

What a plonker! Him, not you!
My other half made me dinner tonight and I am only 12 weeks! I had worked from 10-4 but he had been in the garden all day building a shed! He never just does nothing on his days off, it seems to be a physical impossibility.
I think your OH is being deeply unfair and insensitive! You can tell him so from all of us! Although my other half hates it when I cry too, so I sympathise with you on that!

Hes an arse, my dh never cooked pre pregnancy but at least made me toast when I was pregnant, otherwise its doubtful id have eaten. Likewise he doesn't understand the crying, but wouldn't get angry!!! No he makes a joke about silly hormones.
Hope you hubby learns, can you call his mum to have a word with him?

Chiming in to say, he sounds like a tool. He's gets angry when you cry??? (Plus all the other stuff.) I'm so sorry :(

Yanbu and your 'd'h is an arse. When is he planning to start pulling his weight?

Sorry, OP, but he is being a complete arse :(

You aren't expecting a lot, he sounds like an arse. To put it into perspective I'm 36 weeks pregnant with one baby and I've been signed off work since 29 weeks with spd. Dp has taken on about 90% of household chores since. I've just woken up from a nap to my dinner ready, no need for a discussion Dp just got on and cooked. It's worrying that you can't get upset without making him angry.

That's awful - no, really, awful. He should be looking after you, properly, and that includes making dinner for his partner who is in pain and doing it with good grace and cheer and a sympathetic ear.

Is he always that much of an idiot? I can't imagine how hard it must be with toddler, twins-to-be and working full time. Have you any family nearby that could help you out? Take care of you a bit? Because he sounds like an absolute waste of space and you need his attitude like a hole in the head.

Christ, your DH is a dick, sorry to say that!!

My DP and I usually share cooking but when i had morning sickness he cooked his dinner every night, offered me some every night (even though he knew I'd decline as I had no appetite). Once my DD was born he made me breakfast, lunch and dinner every day bar one of his maternity leave.

Order your Chinese and don't cook for your DH again until he's made you and your DC dinner

he gets angry if you cry? What on earth?

He sounds like an absolute knob.

Total lack of support of consideration. I'm signed off with spd/sickness and I'm only carrying one (and no other kids) I'm struggling with that, I can't imagine how hard it must be with twins and a toddler!

He needs to get his act together. I'm afraid I'd be telling him to buck his ideas up or he'd be cooking for himself from now on. As a single man.

Your DH is being a knob. I'm having a flare up of a long term condition at the moment and also trying out new medication for it that is making me feel awful while I get used to it. We had takeaway on Wednesday because I wasn't up to cooking, DP didn't have time and everything was just too hard. DP cooked most the other days this week, and when I said to DP 'I'm sorry but I feel horrible, do you mind if I order takeout again even though we already had it this week' his response was 'don't worry about it, mine's a kebab and chips please'.

That's the appropriate response to your partner being ill - either cook them dinner, or don't give them shit about buying in food. You are in no way being unreasonable and your husband needs to get his act together. Is he like this in other things?

Even if someone doesn't cook, an offer of tea and toast is amazing when your feeling rubbish.

It makes me sad that he gets angry when you get upset. What an idiot.

So he would let his child and wife starve, whilst he sorted himself out.

He really needs a good kick up his arse. What a selfish tosser

Thank you for all your kind messages and shaking me out of my sensitive 'is it just me' mood.

You're right....He is a complete tool. He's a general PITA, he's angry, has no thought for anyone else's feelings and, to be honest, I don't know why I expected any more from him tonight knowing what he's like.

I cooked (a really simple) dinner for myself and DS and made some chocolate cakes because DS wanted to 'help you mummy'. I've also had a nice warm bath and put my feet up. He's currently eating hula hoops with a face on. oh well

Think I'll have an early night.

Thanks again everyone.