Post-birth....did your parents 'live' with you?

[cazzabazz]

I'm 26 weeks pg and was visiting my family a couple of weeks ago (they live in England, I'm in Scotland) and we started talking about plans for the birth, i.e. that my parents would get a phone call when labour starts and jump in the car to travel up. But the subject of where they would stay came up and I don't know what to do....on one hand, it'd be nice having them in our house so they could feed/change my guineapigs, help with cooking/cleaning, take the baby for an hour or two if I need to rest etc, but on the other hand, I'm worried I'd get annoyed and feel a bit stifled if they were there 24/7. My DH will be taking 3 weeks pat leave and my in-laws only live a 2min drive away (10mins on foot), so we're thinking it might be best if my folks stayed with my in-laws (they all get on like a house on fire anyway). Don't want to risk offending my parents as they'd have totally good intentions, but they can be a bit full-on at times (e.g. I'd fully expect them to get up during the night when the baby cries, just to check everything's OK, plus my DF can get a bit weird about breastfeeding so I'd need to go into a different room to wherever he was). Just wondering what everyone else has done, if you have parents from 'out of town'?

No, I wouldn't want either set of parents there after, it's important bonding time.

My mum has offered to stay when I have my baby in January. She's only 15 miles away so I've asked if we can wait and see. I don't like having house guests at the best of times and she's not the type to see what needs doing if that makes sense. She would say to me that I just need to ask her to do things, where as I feel uncomfortable asking.

I would like a bit of time for me and DH to adjust to being worn out new parents before we have big visits. We're planning on letting everyone know little one has arrived and family and close friends can visit from when ever we say we'll be home. I suppose I'm lucky though because I would feel fine asking friends/family to leave without thinking I had offended them. If there was anyone I wouldn't feel comfy asking to leave, I just wouldn't invite them round. I'd text and say "x arrived on this date, we'll let you know when we're feeling up to having visitors". It leaves no room for confusion.

My parents are 4000 miles away so the trip had to be planned in advance.

We settled on them coming 4 weeks after he's due for 2 weeks, and booked an air bnb flat round the corner so we all have space, they have a bit of downtime and can sleep (they're in their late 60's / early 70's) and I don't feel as obligated to entertain 27/7.

It's also when the OH is heading back to work so it gives the three of us bonding time before my parents come and me time to figure things out before they arrive.

PIL on the other hand live 40 minutes away but don't drive, so I'm expecting to have to make a plan here (which doesn't involve them staying at ours...) Had random discussion with the OH last night on breastfeeding in front of his parents - or not as the case may be. He's basically said that his parents would be v embarrassed (old school, old country parents who are in their 80's) for me to do this in front of them, so I'd have to switch rooms

I'm in the fuck no camp.
During the day it's feed, sleep, change nappies.
When partner is home he can cook.
Housework, there's not really a change - laundry gets done as and when and again partner should be capable of doing this. Washing up, after dinner again he should be capable.
I really don't see the need to have extra people around to create noise and mess.

It gets a bit complicated when it's additional children. But manageable without extra people.

I think it totally depends on your relationship with your parents, and how you are after the birth.

I was in hospital for 10days before the birth being monitored, and had a totally calm ELCS. We were desperate for some space to ourselves, so family visited in the hospital, and then mum and my sisters came 1 at a time to stay for a few days over the weeks after dh was back.at work, but before I could drive. It was brilliant to have the help and the company at that point.

My sister had a horrific labour and was home before the baby was 6hours old having barely slept for 4 days. Mum stayed for a week, and then her mil stayed, which was exactly what she needed and wanted.

Don't rule anything out, but don't agree to anything you're not comfortable with either.

I had an unplanned C section. DH had to split his paternity leave so only had a week after the birth. My DM stayed during the week for the first 4 weeks to look after me. It was a godsend. I couldn't drive and live on a steep hill so would have been housebound without her. But does depend on your relationship. DM really looked after me (including cooking and cleaning and it also meant DH could have a night out without feeling guilty for abandoning me) rather than me hosting her. Would be different if the expectation was to host