Reporting abuse/neglect of underage pregnant girl

[upnorth11]

Hi there!

Sorry in advance for the (confused :-S) account...

Since Friday I had sleepless nights due to witnessing something I thought was only possible on Jeremy Kyle. I could cry forever...

We went to the funeral of a good friend and two days later to the same family's Christening. Present was also the 16-year-old niece who is around 34 weeks pregnant. I know that she has had major issues at school and with relationships there and at home. Her parents obviously lost control at some point and she had various issues including self-harming and drugs (legal+illegal). She is still together with the father of the child although a court has already ruled that she must live with her parents otherwise the baby will be taken away as the father has been convicted for various things and is a drug addict. He was not present for obvious reasons.

Now, you might think that her (middle-class) parents would try and do everything to prevent both the girl and the unborn baby coming to any possible harm, i.e. making sure she stays as healthy as possible etc etc.
Mum also seems to have issues though (due to her daughter's problems), e.g. eating disorder and possible alcohol abuse.

Basically they sat together at two family events and consumed liberal amounts of alcohol (wine, beer, sparkly wine) as well as cigarettes. It was heart-wrenching to watch the girl smoking one after the other together with her mum (and dad at times). Everyone else was just stunned. I just looked at her bump and imagined this little bundle in there twitching every time the alcohol/smoke hit and felt terribly sorry for all of them but especially baby and her. Nobody said a thing (I think). By the end, mum was terribly drunk whereas the girl still seemed pretty fine.

Dad does not intervene probably because he wants to maintain peace as either of the two females would otherwise flip.

Social services are already involved as she admitted to drug/alcohol abuse, but I don't think they appreciate the parents behaviour and attitude. Even if the child survives unharmed (seems highly unlikely) I can't see her mum and her look after the baby adequately. How is it possible they just seem to not care??? She is still only 16!

Would you report the parents to Social Services or similar agency? I know her midwife as I was with the same. I could mention it to her instead? I am fully aware that it shouldn't be my business but on the other hand I can't get my regular Safeguarding Children training go amiss that I have to undergo each year due to my job.

Opinions please. I hope I explained myself as clearly as possible and sorry for the sad read...

Thanks x

If it's any consolation I've been in a similar position with a close friend who was being physically and emotionally abused by her partner. I reported it after much agonising. It is so so different and so difficult when it's close to home! Far easier when at work. Well done you

In my opinion it isn't any of your business, apart from being underaage, drinking and smoking while pregnant isnt against the law, it's abhorrent, but she technically hasn't broken any laws.

She's 16 so she is breaking the law as she is drinking underage and is being encouraged to do so by her parents. The fact that she is pregnant is also relevant because their behaviour signifies a risky environment the child it being born in to. Once that child is born it will have rights and society has a duty to care for it. Ignoring this is neglectful and neglect is a form of abuse.

The smoking's a non starter so try to put that out of your mind.

Ss are already involved and aware of her alcohol use so I can't imagine they'd be surprised at what you saw.

Unfortunately hundreds of thousands of DCs live with parents who are substance abusers (including alcohol). Lots of those cases are much worse than drinking 4 glasses of wine (12 units) whilst pregnant at a party.

I do think you should still tell the assigned social worker what you saw as it helps them paint a fuller picture for their assessment but what you describe in isolation wouldn't result in removal.

It is sad that children are being born into circumstances like these. What they need is health education and support in pursuing a healthy lifestyle. If it is an actual addiction she will be allocated an addictions social worker as well as a children's and families one.

Op/ sounds like you would feel better if you spoke to someone, in which case the midwife or Ss might be a good start. They might be able to offer 'soft support' ie help with smoke cessation, advice on reducing alcohol intake etc. By the sounds of it though, a light touch approach probably won't work on her, or her mum!

As for social services- people often think of them as the solution but the situation for children taken away from their parents can be dire; passed from foster carer to another and waiting sometimes years for a lengthy adoption process to take its course. That's why they try to keep chn with relatives. Do you think the 'grandma to be' is usually responsible and would make a good guardian, because I suspect that when baby arrives, her daughter will be off with the boyfriend leaving her in charge.

I reported it for the reasons already mentioned: though the girl is already known to Social/Children's Services due to her relationship and the pregnancy it will give them a clearer picture of "home life". I also believe that it is a case of neglect (towards the daughter first and foremost) which coveredinsnot has already explained very well. Thanks for that.
Of course, I do hope the child will stay with her and her parents but I also want them (all) to get as much appropriate support as possible to manage this task. At the moment grandma doesn't seem stable enough herself to do it, but there's also granddad who seems responsible. But I'm only interpreting here and it's the professionals who will judge whether to hand custody to the grandparents or not.