Question for ladies pregnant after MC or TFMR

[GaryWilmotsWedding]

Hello ladies. I really hope you don't mind me just quickly popping on here to ask your advice. Once I have asked I will retreat to the TTC after miscarriage thread and leave you to enjoy your pregnancies, but as you are all successfully pregnant I would be very grateful for your advice.

10 days ago I had a TFMR after our baby was diagnosed with Edwards. It was/is absolutely devastating...I guess I don't need to explain it to this audience! Rightly or wrongly, my mind is already turning to TTC as she was a very much wanted baby and we'd love to try again soon. I notice from the stats on the preg after miscarriage thread that many of you got pregnant (relatively) quickly after miscarriage, and I'm wondering what your thoughts might be on timings for trying again? I'm worried if we try again too soon I might miscarry...not sure I would cope very well with that! The antenatal tests boards are thankfully very quiet, so I wondered if you could help me. I'm sorry to intrude with a topic not as joyful as pregnancy, just would love some advice from people who have managed to actually conceive again as opposed to are TTC.

I truly wish you all the happiest of pregnancies and the easiest of labours. I now know what an achievement it will be when you all hold your babies, and I admire your bravery. Thanks for your help.

So sorry to hear about your news. I had a MMC in February and got pregnant again the month after my period had started up again so it is very possible, at the time my Doctor even said it was a likely thing to have happen.

Once you have had one miscarriage the odds are you will go on to have a healthy baby - if you have three miscarriages in a row then that indicates a bigger problem. The Miscarriage Association and Tommy's have some great stats and advice - I wish you all the best for the future and your successful future pregnancy journey.

Hi garywillmotswedding (loving the name by the way), so sorry you're going through such a heartbreaking time. I can't begin to imagine how tough the last few weeks have been for you. But its very positive you're able to think about the future and happier times agead.
I do want to give you a smack on the back of the hand for being so apologetic about asking your question on this board. Please don't worry. Pregnancy after miscarriage is a terrifying time and you never really get that innocence back of a joyful pregnancy experience. So it's not at all like you've come to cast a shadow or anything. I for one admire your bravery and am touched if I can support in any way after your brave battle.
I've never had a TFMR but I've suffered from recurrent miscarriage and lost 3 babies in the first trimester over the past two years. I'm now 25 weeks pregnant and beginning to believe that this time will work out.
Remember that each pregancy is very different and it's a new pair of sperm and egg and new womb lining, so entirely different set of circumstances from the last.
I've always chosen to TTC once my period has returned after miscarriage, as the pregnancy is easier to date then. And it keeps being mentioned that you're apparently pretty fertile in the 6 months after a miscarriage as your body has been all geared up to support a pregnancy.
Give yourself enough time to heal physically and emotionally. And be kind to yourself.

Very sorry to hear about your DD

I had a mmc January last year and I didn't actually fall pregnant until 11 months after. A month before I fell pregnant I actually went to the doctor for an ovulation test because they thought I had stopped ovulating. The doctor said some ladies can take longer to conceive than others after a miscarriage because their body is still not ready to try again.

I am now 31 weeks pregnant and have so far had a problem free and healthy pregnancy. It's entirely up to you when you feel mentally ready to try again. I found that I spent the whole time up to my 20 week scan this time round a total wreck but it's one of those things you literally have no control over.

I really hope you go on to having a successful pregnancy next time.

Hello. Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm now pregnant for the 4th time after suffering 3 miscarriages in a row. I had my 12 week scan this week and all being well everything is ok.

However I have been in your situation 3 times and I know the pain and grief you are going through and trust me it doesn't get any easier with each attempt.

My advice, honestly? Give yourself time to grieve. I know that desperate knee jerk reaction to be pregnant again. I really do. I was told by doctors to wait at least until after your first period. It seems like a lifetime, but it's not.

Lots of people will tell you, don't worry about it, TTC straight away. There's nothing wrong with it.

It's true, if you fall pregnant without a period in the middle you will not do yourself or your baby any harm.

However - when you don't have a period first, you have no starting point as you have no last period date.

So if you have an early scan, which is quite likely after an mc - it's very difficult to date the pregnancy and it could be you are perhaps not further along than you thought or sadly things are going wrong again.

I've seen the distress of those people far too many times. Don't put yourself through it. It's awful.

If you wait until your first period. You've rebalanced your body, plus up need to recover and grieve. Be kind to yourself.

This is my 4th pregnancy and I genuinely never thought I'd get to a 12 wk scan. But I have.

Just take a deep breath, grieve and look after yourself and try and wait until after your first period. It's a fresh start.

I know it's agony and I'm sorry. My 3 mc's were the darkest 9 months of my life - my. 3rd mc was 3 weeks before my 1st due date and I thought my world was ending. Been through my 2nd due date since then and still got a 3rd one to go

Big hugs

So sorry to hear what you've gone through. I'm currently awaiting the outcome of such tests.

I've read that there is new evidence to suggest that those who get pregnant soon (within 6 months) of a miscarriage are likely to have successful pregnancies. If I can find the research I'll put the link up.

Hi G, I'm so sorry for your loss, I know exactly how you are feeling. I had a TFMR last October due to severe heart abnormality, and like you I just couldn't wait to be pregnant again. I did wait for a period which I got in November then I fell pregnant in December, but sadly had an early miscarriage in January, the early miscarriage was not as bad as the termination because it was very early, about 5-6 weeks. I fell pregnant 2 weeks after the bleeding and I'm now 28+5 and it's so far so good.

So I guess my advice is only you and your body know when you are ready, so just concentrate on healing both emotionally and physically, the pregnancy will come when it's time. Just make sure you test to make sure you are clear of pregnancy hormones so that you are sure it's a new pregnancy when it happens, good luck!

Oh you are all lovely, thank you! I know how wonderful it is to be pregnant (I am also lucky enough to have a fantastic DD) so was a bit worried I might bring people down. Thanks for reassuring me, and smack on the hand noted sizethree!

It's great to hear you have gone on to have successful pregnancies. I know I have not lost multiple babies but you start to forget it is possible to be pregnant and everything go ok! I woke up yesterday having sort of remembered that in my sleep, and the thought was very exciting.

I think it's good advice to wait until first period although it is always very clear to me when I ov. But, I suspect although I feel ready it might be a bit premature and a bit of extra time might help me figure out if I'm ready. I had initially thought of the baby as a foetus (I think for self preservation) but after giving birth there is no denying she was a baby, and we have her cremation service next week. I have come to find the idea I had a baby reassuring in some strange way. Writing all this makes it clear I should give it until at least after my first period. So very helpful!

junosmum if I can help at all please let me know. You are in a horrible wilderness right now and the waiting is the very definition of agony. For me I swung from sort of writing off the pregnancy to feeling enormously protective of her. FWIW, I read far more stories with happy outcomes than those that went my way. I would love to see the research you mention if you have a minute.

brummie I'm so sorry you've had such a terrible time. I don't know if you have other children but I can tell you I appreciate my DD in a new way and that the baby you are carrying now will be special to you in a way that other people can't appreciate. It is a special type of love and for me was a genuine positive to come out of this.

laura and cth thank you for sharing your experiences, and I'm so sorry for your losses. I will be thinking of you all and crossing everything that the happy ending is just around the corner.

Thanks for being so nice....it really does cheer me up!

Sorry coolchic X post. I'm so sorry you had to have a TFMR too. You must be so strong to have then gone through a MC. I'm so pleased you are now at almost 29 weeks. You are a total stranger, but I feel I know a little of what you've gone through and it genuinely makes me happy to hear you've cracked it! May I ask if you found it fairly easy to conceive before the termination?

Hello Gary I'm so sorry for your loss and for those of the other ladies on this thread. I'm coming up to the first anniversary of my TFMR, our first baby had T13 and scans showed its brain and heart abnormalities were incompatible with life. It was the worst time of our lives and the only thing that kept me going was the thought of trying again. We were advised to wait for a 'proper' AF for dating purposes as Brummie says above. I fell pregnant the first cycle we tried but sadly miscarried after a week - my consultant said this had nothing to do with the TFMR, just (more) bad luck. We waited for AF again then conceived on that cycle, so I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant with a little boy who is kicking me as I type. I've been very anxious but am starting to believe we'll get a baby to take home this time. Thinking of you at this terrible time , there is hope for the future.

Hello Gary, so sorry for your loss. I too had a TRMR, mine was for T21.
It took us 2 months to conceive that baby and then 6 months for the next - I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant.
I didn't wait till my first period we just kept having sex basically. Those 6 months felt like 10 years but I can see now it really wasn't that bad. It took 3 months for my period to get back to normal. I had a stable cycle before but after the TRMR they went all over the shop, and be prepared for them being really heavy. I bought a digital ovulation kit and did temps to see where my body was at.

My advice, yes try again, it was the only thing that kept me going, but remember you gave birth, that's a huge thing for your body to do. It takes time to physically recover - when I know all you want to do is get pregnant.

I'm happy to answer any questions you may have if it helps.

Sending you lots of luck xx

I'm really grateful for these forums as its a good place to share experiences with people who have gone through similar, reading other people's positive stories after either MC or TFMR gave me hope. It's true Gary sometimes you feel like you know strangers cos we are all going through the same emotions.
I got pregnant after just one cycle after coming off pill, so I must say conception has been the easiest for me, so I count myself lucky.
When I had the mc my DP thought perhaps we didn't wait long enough, even though I had a period in between, but the Drs said it was just bad luck, as pp said. I also agree as I didn't have a period between mc in January and this one and the baby is fine so you'll just never know. For dating they used the mc bleed as period and those dates are almost spot on with scan dates.

Sorry for your loss.

I got pregnant 2nd cycle after miscarriage. Tried from first cycle.

With my first baby, we weren't far off termination as we were told of significant problems. Nothing testable though. We didn't terminate but clearly it was a total headfuck. So after that we waited longer than intended to try for a 2nd as I couldn't get myself mentally ready for a while. When it did come to trying, I found I went through a whole load of emotions, many unpleasant, and it felt to me like my body didn't get pregnant till my mind was ready.

So personally, little bit woo perhaps, but I'd say try as soon as you feel ready (although I agree wait for a period) and trust your body will look after your mind.

Hi, I've been in a similar situation to you, I went back on the pill for 3 months after, came off then got pregnant with my son 2 cycles later. So took me 5 months in all.

My second pregnancy I miscarried, but then the very next cycle I fell pregnant, and have just found out it's twins!! So I think the extra fertile thingy is true!!

Good luck and whether your feeling 'ready' go for it xx

I had an ERPC after a miscarriage in the autumn. My miscarriage began on the day of my appointment for the harmony test at 10.5 weeks, the ERPC was nearly a month later. The doctors told me that it was safe to try again as soon as I'd stopped bleeding, although waiting one cycle would make it easier to date. I tried again immediately, had one very short light period and was pregnant again in the next cycle. Currently 37.5 weeks, and baby is healthy. I had early bleeding in this pregnancy, but no cause was found and they said it was unrelated to the miscarriage. Dating the pregnancy was a bit tricky, but given that your due date is more of a month long range, and given that I had the Harmony test so the timing of the nuchal scan wasn't essential, it hasn't actually mattered. I think if anything it has stopped me obsessing quite so much about the baby's size!

I know a lot of people say to give yourself time to grieve, but I genuinely didn't feel like that at all - I was grieving the hope of a baby, and all the plans we'd made and excitement we'd felt, not grieving for the fetus itself. I think I might have felt differently after TFMR, though , so pay attention to your own emotions. If you feel like you just want to try again, go for it.

Hi Gary, sorry for your loss, for me I ttc again after last period which was four weeks. Got pregnant that cycle and currently 32 weeks. Was devastated those few months and sometimes feel guilty about getting pregnant again so soon. Partly knowing that this baby wouldn't be here if hadn't lost the last one....this maybe irrational pregnancy thoughts though... My advice is to to try when ready, but statistically you are less likely to mc again, and more fertile for 6 months after a mc. Good luck and hope you are back on the pregnancy forum with a bfp as soon as you are ready xx

Thanks all. Sorry for the delay...I have had a stomach bug which has finished me off after the last few weeks!

Sorry you've all been through the same/similar. It's grim but I hope you know your stories make it a bit less so for me and give me hope.

DietCoke thanks for your good wishes...I can't quite envisage being where you are now, but I really hope to be one day. At the end of my pregnancy with DD her kicking made me very uncomfortable. I bet when you've been through a TFMR it doesn't feel half as uncomfortable to have your DS wriggling around! Good luck with the last stretch and best wishes for a very happy end to a horrible time.

NotSoFitFlop thanks for mentioning the cycles might get screwed up. I was extremely regular pre termination, so will look out for that. That's if this bleeding ever stops...I found I was extremely impatient in conceiving both babies before all this, so I am gearing myself up for what will feel like an eternity. Hope all goes well with your baby, and thanks for your kind words.

Chazzer what you said about trusting your body to make sure your mind is ready really struck a chord with me. I'm hoping I can reach that sort of calm and patient way of thinking! So sorry you had such a shitty time with it all.

Alt83 I used to fear twins, (twins on both sides of our family) but now I think I would be delighted!! Good luck with your pregnancy and enjoy your DTs.

Sian and Contractor I am going to run out of batt so will respond in the morning, but thanks so much for your replies, it really helps.

Gary I couldn't imagine this happening either and it's been a bit of a roller coaster but we're nearly there as you say. You're right, I love the kicks even at 3am! I hope you're the one heavily pregnant this time next year or whenever you're ready

Hi OP, very sorry for your loss. I had an ERPC for a MMC in May 2011. I keenly read the miscarriage and TTC threads too and noted many people said there is a higher fertility level for 6 weeks or so post MC so got right back at TTC as soon as the bleeding stopped, which my DH was nowhere near keen to do as I was.

After 3 months of TTC nothing had happened & it became clear I was really quite depressed & hadnt "got over" the loss at all. We stopped trying for a few months while I took anti depressants and then got pregnant the 1st month we started TTC again. My DS is now 2.5 & I'm pregnant with DC2 (no more MCs).

Cut a long story short, just make sure you're psychologically ready as well as physically. Lots of people are and can get their head straight immediately but I think in hindsight I'd have been better with maybe 2 or 3 months to heal and grieve.

gary I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've been through.

We took 7 months to conceive our first (which felt like forever at the time) and had a TFMR in August 2012. We did wait for my first period (like you I was very regular and this hasn't changed - my period came 32 days after TFMR and every 27 days after that) but I found I'd hyped up the idea of this 'post loss fertility' and was gutted when I didn't get pregnant right away. After that we took a few months off ttc which in retrospect was the best thing we could have done - a whole torrent of emotions and feelings came out and I found myself in a very dark place. We went away for our baby's due date in January and when we got back I found I was pregnant with DS. A 'rainbow' pregnancy is hard both physically and emotionally and I think a little space between pregnancies is much better - you need to be able to differentiate in your head to try and deal with it all.

DS is now a healthy almost 2-year-old and I'm 24 weeks with our next baby, who was also conceived quickly - no idea why it took so long or went so wrong the first time, these things are a mystery.

I know for me there was no way in hell anything anyone on the internet said would have stopped me ttc. The need to feel pregnant again after that kind of loss is all-consuming, but I do think a bit of a gap is healthy, physically and emotionally, and if it doesn't happen right away then please don't worry!!

You're right that strangers can understand each other and your posts take me right back to that time, sending you lots of love and I hope you can take it easy on yourself. 3 years on it still hurts but it pain is less sharp and there's joy in my life again. I wish the same for you.

Piz

Sorry that was epic but also to add - I found the ARC forum a lifesaver when I was ttc and pregnant and am still good friends with a lot of the women I met on there now. Not sure if you use it but I would recommend if not!!

I'm not sure if this thread is closed but found it whilst searching mumsnet and could not stop myself wanting to talk to you.

I have just gone through a TFMR and am looking for hope and positive stories. I have also had 3 miscarriages (5 weeks and 2 at 9 weeks, one a mmc). In between my miscarriages I've had 2 beautiful children who I was grateful for anyway, but after the TFMR I can't believe how lucky I was to get past the 12 week wait with them and not have to worry anymore (or at least I know I stopped worrying after 14 weeks - I don't think I'll ever have that innocence again.

The reason I'm writing is I'm wondering how all of you are getting on with TTC, especially those who went through a TFMR. My TFMR only happened a few days ago so I'm emotionally too raw to genuinely do anything about TTC, but the thought of having a healthy baby in my arms is the only thing moving me forward at the moment. I'm also 40 so want it to be pretty soon as I've always wanted a big family...reading your comments, after the first period might be a good time to start.

GaryWilmotsWedding - how are things for you?

Hello Gary and Slowcoach, so sorry for your losses and what you are going through. I had a natural MC in Jan this year.

I wanted to try again straight away but was advised to wait until after first period as still had a small amount of 'thickening' - I nearly ignored this advice but in the end the voice of reason (DP!) won out.

I have fallen pregnant on first cycle of trying with DD (before MC) and with the baby I lost, so we looked at dates and realised that if we TTC straight after next period the EDD would be have been my DDs birthday and then Christmas so we decided to wait until EDD would fall in Jan. At first, although I knew this made sense (again DP being voice of reason), I was gutted as I just wanted to be pregnant again. However, when we did try again I fell pregnant first cycle and am now 24wks with baby due mid-Jan.

With hindsight I can say that waiting three months was such a good thing for me to do as I think I had grieved and come to terms with the MC (as much as you ever do) by the time I was pregnant again.

I think you just have to do whatever feels right for you and I do understand that overwhelming desire to start TTC straight away. Sending you both massive hugs and wishing you lots of luck for the future xx