Mixed feelings: pregnant but love my job

[AmberRose17]

Hello, I was wondering if anyone can relate to this. I'm almost 22 weeks pregnant and am excited about the baby and enjoying the pregnancy but finding myself feeling incredibly sad at the prospect of having to stop working relatively soon. I have an interesting, challenging, fun and well paid job that I absolutely love with great colleagues who respect and value my work. I have been somewhat in denial about taking time off and am finding the prospect really daunting.

In the last few weeks I have really started to show and have been struggling to deal with people telling me I will completely change my attitude once the baby arrives and that work will seem insignificant. Maybe they're right but right now I am so full of mixed feelings, it doesn't really help.

Has anyone been in the same boat? It seems more common that people can't wait to finish work and have some time out! Maybe I've been institutionalised!

While I didn't think much about work when on maternity leave, I had to go back full time after six months and had no problem settling back in.

I have also never felt 'working mother guilt'. I may have regretted having to leave them at times but providing for your children's material needs is a huge part of being a parent and I am constantly amazed at how easily people dismiss it.

It is possible to have a career and young dc (and I'm no superwoman), although it may be more difficult if you have a job which requires very long hours.

theverythjng I have been told primary school is harder. DD1 starts in September. We shall see how it goes. But yes nursery years are a doodle providing you don't work too long hours.

Just ignore them - it is perfectly possible to have children and work a job that you love! Yes, things will change, but you won't know how until the baby arrives. You will assess things and adjust accordingly, to suit your preferences and priorities.
I took 1 year off with DS and loved every minute of it. Since I have gone back to work, I have changed career and am now in a job that I really enjoy, great colleagues etc. Like you, I feel quite sad about the idea of handing all my projects over when I go on ML at the end of the year!
But you will be able to come back, and you will (hopefully) be able to decide how you work after your baby is born. DH and I work full-time, and DS goes to nursery. He loves it there and is totally happy. We are conscious that every minute we get to spend with him is precious, so we try to make the most of every moment. I will definitely go back to work after DC2, currently planning to take 9 months, with a phased return (if my work lets me). I cannot imagine not working, it'd drive me nuts.
You do what feels right for you, whatever that may be.

HeadDreamer my eldest is 7 and I haven't found it too hard so far, but I am lucky to have an excellent childminder who has looked after both dcs since they were babies. Good luck in September.

theverything good to hear that. I've found a childminder for the school pick up and drop offs. Hopefully she's as good as yours.

Seriouslyffs - what was your old career and what's your new one? If you don't mind me asking...

I completely relate to this. I'm 31 weeks and I also love my job, and very much want to continue my career on the other side. I intend to come back to work full time after a year off and so am preparing for that now - making sure that I am preparing a rock solid handover for my mat cover, looking into nurseries etc. I've spoken to a colleague who used her accumulated annual leave to return to work gradually (2 days per week, working up to 5 days) rather than taking it all off in a lump at the end of mat leave which I think it a great idea. I also intend to use my keeping in touch days properly and keep track of what's happening at work.

Like you, I don't find people's opinions on how I may or may not feel particularly helpful. Of course they may be right, but I like to think that I know my own mind well enough to have a fair idea!

I am really looking forward to the arrival of my daughter and to having a completely different challenge (and that includes having a break from work), but I'll be back!

It's such an individual thing, everyone feels differently, but none of it reflects how much we love our babies. I work in a well paid, professional job I really enjoy for a great company. Even so, I always knew I'd want to take the full year off with number one and go back part time (although I did sit some professional exams when ds was six months old, and really enjoyed it). This time, I know I want to do the same, but won't have the exams. It's so personal, no one else can judge how you will feel!

I stated a new job when my first baby was 9 months old. I love it- creative and challenging and its part time which suits me perfectly. It makes me really happy. Now I am pregnant with twins, I definitely can't wait to finish because I'm exhausted.... but I also can't wait to go back! My life works best when I have the balance of working in the job I love for 3 days a week. No harm in that! Whatever works for you!

Tricky I was a teacher and now I'm a social worker/ support worker for a charity. I'm also 46 so maternity leave isn't very likely!
yy to all those saying it's the tiredness with a new baby which makes returning to work with a new baby difficult rather than any personality or priority change.

I also really really love my job and intend to go back full time after my maternity leave. I've not decided how much leave to take yet though, maybe 9 months. I earn twice as much as dh so it makes sense for me to stay full time. Colleagues are also saying to me that my priorities will change and I'll change my mind and go part time. But to me that's not an option because of the money. I know if I did drop some hours I have no chance of getting them back as I've seen it happen to other ladies, that funding is gone.

I am also anxious about being on maternity leave as next year my department is going through major changes. We are merging with another department and relocating into a new building. Our ways of working and our roles will be changing and I won't be there to keep up with it. I will return to work completely clueless instead of slotting back in. It terrifies me! People are saying lucky me for missing out on the chaos but I was secretly looking forward to it! It was meant to happen this month originally but there were delays so now it's meant to be January. I'm hoping there are even more delays!! ;-)

It's great that you love your jobs too guys. Not many people do :-)

It is good to hear from people who love being a mummy and working! chopsface when are you due? I'm due at end of Nov and currently trying to work out how late I can leave it before starting my leave.

Really interested to hear people's experiences of managing work and a little one.

It's all a juggling act. I work in London two days a week (which is a three hour commute each way) and from home two days a week. When DS was tiny (I went back at 3 months) he went to nursery on Mondays and Fridays when I am in London and I worked from home on Tuesdays and Thursdays with him there. I have Wednesdays off officially but as I'm self employed it doesn't really work like that much.

As he's got older I've increased his days at nursery. He's 3.4 now and goes Monday, Thurs, Fri to nursery. I work from home a Tuesday with him here and still have Wednesdays off. From September when his 15 hours funding kicks in he'll be going four days a week....and then I'll have a newborn again so the cycle will begin again!

I work a lot in the evenings and sometimes at the weekends to make sure I get everything done and, sometimes, I have been known to say 'sod it' and take the afternoon off and take DS to the beach - we live by the coast. That's the benefit of being self employed.

The downside is the uncertainty so when I get offered work I tend to take it in case I never get offered it again and so can take too much on. And of course I don't get sick pay, holiday pay or maternity pay (although I do get maternity allowance from the gvt but at £134 a week it doesn't even cover the mortgage).

I couldn't personally work less than four days a week and I think many women who go part time end up taking less pay and doing the same amount of work in fewer days which can be very stressful so that's something to be wary of if you're planning to go back part time. Find out how they're going to cover the days you're off.

I really love my job, interesting and challenging, and I had exactly the same worries as you before going on mat leave.

I went back when DS was 9 months old, he's nearly 4 yo now.

I slotted right back in, after 2 days it felt like I'd never been away. I'm full time and it's demanding, and I'm still just as invested in it as I ever was. I do work flexible hours though, some early days and some late days, to try to balance time with DS and doing my job well. I've had a couple of promotions in the last few years, and feel like the balance is OK. My DP also has a full on job, but is v committed to doing half the parenting so we make it work between us.

Something had to give, though, and in my case it's been social life. I find it hard to keep up with friends - to be fair, they've also had kids, changed jobs, moved house etc so its not just me, but still. Also, DP and I don't see much of each other during the week, just an hour or so late in the evening. We each spend quite a bit of time separately with DS on weekdays but real family time only happens at the weekend.

Anyway. The only thing I've ever really felt guilty about is not feeling guilty, if that makes sense!

I wish I could just slot back in lasareena

amber I'm due mid December. No idea when to go on leave, mid-end November I imagine. Still have some AL to add on too.