Unplanned Pregnancy, no boyfriend and anxiety! Termination?

[HollyBNanny]

Hi there,

I've never written on a forum before but I really am in such a muddle. I recently left my boyfriend in London to move up to the Lake District as I wanted to learn to drive, get out of the party lifestyle and enjoy nature to the max as I find it very relaxing. I suffer with anxiety but over the last few years I managed to sustain a job as a nanny and live alone for a while but I found it hard to be away from my family who understand me and left the man I love very much to do so (he is very extrovert and a big drinker but kind and warm and cares about me a lot).

I am 27 and 2 weeks into living at home again I found out I am pregnant - currently 6 weeks.

I made an appointment at the hospital for a termination last Thursday but was already having 2nd thoughts and couldn't go through with it. My ex came up for it to look after me and show support but I didn't go through with it and didn't see him in the end (his brother lives here so he stayed with them)

I have felt so overwhelmed and isolated even though my parents are so supportive and I have increasingly bad anxiety attacks. I am jobless and feeling sick and nervous is making it hard to do anything including applying for work. My ex doesn't really know what he's doing and has said if we had a termination he would come up and put us back together and we can start planning for a child properly and as a unit instead of us both finding out in shock and with no money, no flat together and neither of us drive but I can't help but feel like if he wants that, how about try supporting me now? We're both afraid we would fail and our bond has been tried a lot the last couple of years with him working away and partying habits etc. There is a lack of trust that I have for his ability to provide me with stability and care.

Right now it's the 5th or so day I've just not been able to do anything, anxiety and sickness and lack of access to the outside world (living in a country house with the family) and I feel so useless after being so independent in London. I'm crying all the time and considering actually going through with a termination as I just cannot stand this anymore. I just want to feel strong and capabe and know it will be okay - working with children for the last 6 years makes aborting this feotus and a future with a little baby feel drastic and I'm so scared I'll regret it but so far I'm completely losing myself in the monotony of waking up, feeling sick and panicked, watching it rain, feeling like I can't breathe and I'm in limbo with my ex as he's scared but has said we could possibly try this... so up and down!

The fear is stopping me from doing anything and I'm so sensitive I can't seem to get strong and adapt to this at all.

Any advice would be much appreciated....

Hols x

Hi there. Sorry you are faced with this and such unfortunate timing too.

My advice would be to get some pregnancy counselling to get yourself some clarity and really drill down to what you want to do, not what you think you should do, what someone else wants etc.

You really do have a choice. There is nothing wrong in deciding to end the pregnancy - there are certainly many reasons for choosing to do so. You can also choose to continue the pregnancy. It really is your choice.

You owe it to yourself to get as much clarity as you can and choose the best thing for you.

Good luck to you whatever you decide.

I didn't want to read an run. Ulitmately only you can decide what is best for you. Have you talked it through with anyone other than your ex?

Anxiety is hard to deal with and I think you need to seek some professional help for the longer term, whether you chose to continue with the pregnancy or not.

You need to decide whether or not you can do this single-mum style. You ex may want to be involved, whether you are together or not, or he may not and you need to be prepared for the fact that you will be forever tied to him in some way.

Good luck what ever you decide.

Your ex sounds flakey, so remove him from the equation when you are thinking about what to do.

Do you want to have a baby on your own?

There is nothing wrong with having a termination if that is what you feel is best for you and your life, and I third the recommendation to get some pregnancy counselling quickly to help you through your decision making.

Best of luck.

Please seek some counselling. Also consider going to talk this through with a GP...probably you will want to request a female one for this. Good luck to you with whatever you decide.

Yes I echo the pps. You really should talk to a professional who isn't emotionally involved.
I have had an a abortion. There was no question in my mind when I saw the positive test that I would have an abortion there was no way I wanted another child (I have two) when it was over I felt relief and I've never regretted my decision.

Having an abortion when you are unsure is not a good idea.

You need to talk it out with someone and try to make a decision then.

Best of luck. Its not an easy time for you

Wow, thank you all so much for responding so soon! I was so nervous to post on here as I've been holding a lot in and it felt like putting it all out there.

Just as a sidenote (though very relevant) I acutally had a termination when I was 23. I was in a very unhappy relationship and had no doubt in my mind it was the right choice and have never for one second regretted it.

This time is different as I'm worrying that it is my fear of failure and inability to cope with my emotions that is driving me towards thinking about a termintation. But are you ever ready?

I have called my doctor and will try and get some counselling somehow (harder up here as things take longer, slower pace etc!)

I am going to keep in mind that it is my decicision to make and make sure i'm listening to what i want and need regardless of how my ex is approaching the situation. Especially when his fear is just bolstering my own and without his full support I'm not much of a champion of myself at times and need assurance things will be okay which he can't give me, maybe this is a lesson that I need to find my own confidence....it just all feels so scary!

I will see what comes to past with seeing a counsellor.

Thank you all so much

p.s I have talked to loads of people - family and friends and they all support my decision either way and my mum and dad say I have a place here for help and can stay as long as I need whilst I go through it all. My parents think I would be a great mum as I'm good with kids but they know how bad my anxiety can get....

I am a very different person now and found ways to cope (up until the last two weeks when I've basically reacquainted myself with doom!) but I have been known to shrink into depressive episodes and being in bed all day/not feeling any ounce of joy and before I found out I was bouncing off the walls with all the possiblities of a new future for me up here and learning new things and then this happens and now evertything I need to do feels like I have a time limit and need to make sure I'm strong enough to maybe do it on my own.

I just wouldn't want to let myself down!
x

Hi there Holly

Don't know if you're still reading this thread but what I meant to say but forgot, is that it's worth asking Mumsnet HQ to move this thread to another topic. Where I think you may get some more responses and is maybe a better 'fit' for your OP. It's 'pregnancy choices' in 'body and soul'. If I've understood 'pregnancy choices' correctly it's as it says - for people who are pregnant and are deciding what to do. Some great advice and support on it.

Very best to you.