Help!! MW contacted social services because of prenatal depression.

[Geothecat1234]

Hello,
I've just returned from a midwife appointment and am absolutely devastated. I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant and have been treated for pre natal depression since 16 weeks. My midwife just informed me that after my last visit to her (when I was 18 weeks pregnant) that she contacted social services about me and that I should understand why she felt she had to. I don't. I fortunately don't have any suicidal thoughts and i have no concerns over my ability to mother my child. I have a huge support network and have been referred to a perinatal team. My depression developed during my pregnancy and centres on the rational awareness of the life changing event of having a child. According to the research I have conducted I am by far from alone in having pre natal depression. I am 38 years old, a home owner, a professional and am living with my partner of five years. Im sure that a few readers will think that there must be something more to this story. There truly isn't. Before this depression I was a very confident, happy, adventurous and free spirited person who loved life. So. . . . Is it standard procedure to report all women with pre natal depression to ss??? Surely, it is actions like this which will prevent women from talking honestly to their midwives about their emotions leaving their pre natal depression untreated, which can be harmful. I am devastated and now terrified of the implications of this referral. Can anyone tell me what it means?? And has anyone else ever heard of such a thing????? I'm considering my next move. .. Although right now I'm too angry and too upset to do anything but write this and cry. . .

Maybe she's not very experienced? I don't think what you have described sound particularly unusual, from my own experience or reading others on here.

I think basically you have been very unlucky with your midwife.

I think in your shoes I would wait to see what if anything SS do and once that's over with, request another midwife which you are perfectly allowed to do.

I just wanted to reassure you that I was close to pre-natal depression for the first 10-12 weeks of my pregnancy and now, with an absolutely adored 16mo DS, I barely remember those awful days. Our baby was very much planned but I got pregnant immediately and went into complete shock. I managed to drag myself into work each day (looking back, I really don't know how) and got straight into bed as soon as I got home. I withdrew into myself and slept a LOT. I had the opposite situation to you - my midwife didn't seem particularly interested in my state of mind at all and left me feeling quite isolated and lonely. Thankfully I have a very understanding and supportive husband who indulged and nurtured me until I started to come out the other side of it. By the time my first scan came around I felt a lot better and as soon as I saw my baby it was like a huge weight was lifted and I began to really enjoy being pregnant. I know you're a little further down the line than I was but I wanted to tell you that I've been there and it did get better. I now look back on my pregnancy as an overwhelmingly happy and exciting period, despite those early dark days. Admitting that you feel low at a time when the whole world thinks you should be on Cloud 9 takes real bravery. It's disappointing that your midwife went behind your back but on the flip side, at least you're being taken seriously and that should translate into being offered professional support if you need it. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. You WILL be fine

Thankfully to everyone who posted. You have all given me far my confidence than my MW. I told my partner as he's just got home. He's furious with her for upsetting me more and that she didn't discuss it with me first. Tomorrow is a new day, hopefully it will be kinder to me. . . Thank you again everyone x

Geo, I'm really sorry you were upset and that the situation was not handled better by your MW. I work in healthcare (am a GP) and want to reassure you. The problem is that in this country SS are stigmatised and seen as a threat, this is really not the case. Most referrals to SS are made for people/families who may need more support, NOT because of safeguarding concerns. Anywhere else in Europe, referral to SS is seen a a positive thing, and people even refer themselves! I think if your MW had taken time to explain her reasons before the referral (as she should have done), you would not have been as upset. Don't worry, this is not a black mark against you, or an indication that they think you will be a bad mother. Hope this helps.x

Sorry you're having a distressing time and feel let down by your MW OP. I have had episodes of depression and anxiety on and off for years and come at it from a slightly different angle.

When pregnant with my DS & my current pregnancy, I came off my anti-depressants on discovery of each pregnancy at the advice of my GP. Last time & so far in this one, I didn't relapse into depression (GP would put me straight back on them if I did).

However I watched myself like a hawk and was very nervous at the thought of post-natal depression as I'm not the best at spotting I'm depressed - I tend to just think I'm useless, and my DH has to tell me I'm getting ill again.

Therefore when DS was born I told the Health Visitor about my fears (added to a fairly traumatic birth & post-birth infection so I felt quite low anyway) & she put me on fortnightly visits, presumably to ensure I wasn't causing any harm to myself or my baby. I was really reassured by these visits. A third party checking up on me made me feel like I had a safety net & she was never OTT. DS was born in October & she signed me off in January when I was much brighter.

I know the thought the MW referred you without your consent is problematic and I get that, but if you get a call from SS, just take from it what you will - they may even have a useful group or class to suggest. Sounds from other posters with more SS experience that it is unlikely to even come to this.

Hope you continue to feel better, sounds like you've got a good routine in place to do just that.

Then I think she's over zealous. If you haven't expressed any self harm thoughts or harming your baby in any way then surely you're just suffering from a straight forward case of depression? (And yes I know r will feel anything but that, but it doesn't warrant a SS referral )

Sadly I'd be disinclined to voice any of my feelings to these people in future and try and access other forms of support

It is NOT standard practise. I have MH problems and during pregnancy had a relapse of depression and anxiety. Social services haven't been contacted, nothing has been done behind my back, instead I was put under consultant care and given regular appointments. I'd have been livid if this had happened, I'm so sorry.

Things like this are why people feel they can't talk about MH. Nothing you've mentioned is alarming, she should not have done that

Having a complex history of depression & suffering ante-natal depression in a previous pregnancy, I have no idea why your midwife referred you based on what you have said on here. I think perhaps she was just being over cautious (unless there are new guidelines that suggest they have to refer, but she still should have discussed with you first).
Do you feel that you could have a frank discussion about why she made the decision & didn't discuss it with you first? If not, then I would continue down the route of requesting a new midwife. You need to be able to trust them.
For what it is worth, you sound like you are doing an excellent job of taking care of yourself & the baby. Better than I am and I am not dealing with depression at the same time.

Hi, OP. You have had some amazing advice here. I can't add to it, but just wanted to say that you sound like you are coping amazingly and will be a fabulous mum to your baby. It's great you have support from your DH.

Here to hand hold until you come out the other side of this (which will be very soon)