MIL stressing me out already!

[Hopefulnewbie]

Sorry if im sounding selfish or maybe im being too sensitive? (please tell me if I am! This is a bit of a rant)

I am only about 10/11 WEEKS pregnant , we had an early scan which was great and have the NHS scan at the beginning of July, which is the 12week one and to be honest I don’t really want to start telling people or start thinking ahead until then,
But im getting the impression she is going to try and take over, this is her first grandchild (and our first child) it’s great that she wants to be involved and is excited but its early days – we still have a long way to go

She has already said she wants to be at the scan (wasn’t asked – I want it to be just me and DP).. constantly nagging about when can she tell everyone,
Then she was talking about throwing a baby shower for me – alarm bells started ringing at this point: personally I don’t want a babyshower and have said this, but it seems my opinion on the matter isn’t important, also IMO I feel it would be for my mum to be organising this, who did mention it but as soon as I said I didn’t want one she said “no problem and its completely upto you, but if you change your mind I will crack on with planning” so if my own mum can understand, why cant my MIL! She just doesn’t seem to get that she can’t call all the shots and be deciding things for me.

Shes been suggesting names
Saying her daughter should be godmother
Planning visits when I’m out of the hospital and taking the baby out
Questioning me on my birthplan (?!?! I don’t even know all the options yet)

Writing this down I’m worried I’m sounding a little petty but its just all little things said in conversation that are building up and I’m getting stressed out already, maybe im making it worse in my head.
Has anyone got any experience or words of wisdom for me? I don’t want to cause tension between us because she is a lovely person and we get on well but she is the type of person to over react if i just said something, its just that its my first pregnancy and not to sound like a diva but shouldn’t I (and my partner) be calling the shots

Head over to Gransnet where there's a list of how not to be a pita grandparent.
My Mum itches to show it to my MIL I hold her back

Just say, I really like Mumsnet, have you seen Gransnet? After a while, start sending her lots of links for it, that list included but hidden amongst lots of others?

OP I am in your situation now MIL is doing my head right in. She keeps suggesting names for our baby when we have already decided were calling our little girl macie and she keeps saying its a boy even though we had a private gender scan.

NY mum doesn't want to be our second birthing partner as she said she thinks she would irritate me whilst I'm in labkur so mydp suggested his mum and he was abruptly told NO a big fat NO.

She also tried coming to our scans which she got told no by me, I have booked another private gender scan for my mother and granny to come to as my gran gas never had seen a ultrasound while pregnant and she made a fuss about my mother going and her being 'EXCLUDED' in her words which is not the case I am pregnant and my mother comes first as she is terminally I'll so I think she has more right.

My main problem with my mother in law though is that she is expecting to look after my child every weekend from birth Friday to Sunday as she has done that with her other two granddaughters. I feel that's is extremely rediculous to just assume that I have told my dp that he needs to be the one to tell her that is not the case. I will notgive my baby to her every wweekend and its just taking the clean piss so I now your frustrations op.

I would suggest as others have nip it in thebud. JJust tell her no when she expect something to happen and don't let her gainccontrol as it will continue, your the one who is pregnant not her and your haveevery right to say no xx

My MIL is lovely but likes to be involved. During my first pregnancy she bought me maternity pjs and nighties, maternity pads, breast pads, slippers for the hospital, disposable knickers, a new wash bag (and contents) for the hospital and basically every personal thing you want to choose yourself. She even tried to by me almond oil for perineal massage. .. she bought it all without asking or telling me because that is what she had bought for her daughter. I probably sound v ungrateful but I was quite upset as (a) if anyone's mum should buy those bits it's my mum, and (b) I wasn't ready to shop for those things (way too early) and had wanted to choose for myself. But she gets easily upset so although dh did have a word about 'no more stuff without asking first' I had to suck it up. She also wanted to buy this, that and the other for the baby and the only way to stand her down was to pick one big thing for her to buy and say others had already promised to buy the rest. She still does it now - has given me vouchers for dc1 ' s first school shoes and bought her books about going to school that I had wanted to buy for dc1 myself.
Hard not to sound ungrateful when it's well intended but I do wonder how much she ever considers my mum and that she may wish to do some of those things for her first grandchild. She is a real contrast to my mum too, who I can tell to back off if ever needed, without causing offence!

Good luck - find her a focus you are comfortable with (like the knitting idea! Or something big she can buy) and get Dp to help field some of this! Totally agree on baby shower, say you don't want to have one now or it will go on!

My sister is desperate to come to a scan but I've told her (the truth!) the hospital has a policy of only one accompanying adult so she understands if she was to come she'd be stopping DH from seeing HIS baby. I think most hospitals have this policy so you don't even need to discuss it with your MIL it's out with your control.

My sister has now been bugging me to find out the sex of our baby but again I've told her it's a no & it's not up for discussion. You need to be firm & make it clear this is your baby your rules.