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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Midwife appointments abuse questions

16 replies

layla888 · 08/06/2015 15:08

So every time I have seen my midwife I'm 35 weeks btw she asks me basically if my husband abuses me well she doesn't ask as brash as that but it's worded differently but basically that's what she's asking. Has anyone else had this at midwife appointments? Last time she told me not to get offended by the question. My reply every time is 'again, no I think DH is more scared of me" - as a joke of course! But after being asked 4 times im getting a bit fed up. Anyone?

OP posts:

ohhello · 08/06/2015 15:39

It's a routine question they have to ask throughout pregnancy.

lauraa4 · 08/06/2015 15:40

I get asked this too. Also if I feel depressed or suicidal!?

As ohhello said it's a routine question they have to ask to make sure your mental health/wellbeing is OK.

DrCoconut · 08/06/2015 20:03

A lot of DV/DA starts during pregnancy so it's a good thing they do check. It may be some women's only chance to speak out, if they can get to go to an appointment alone. I've been asked and it doesn't offend me at all (I have been in an abusive relationship in the past).

goodnessgraciousgouda · 08/06/2015 22:14

It's an extremely important issue that midwives need to bring up with women during pregnancy. It would be a massive loss if midwives stopped asking purely to avoid offending people's sentiments.

formerlyofLadysmith · 08/06/2015 22:21

30% of domestic abuse starts in pregnancy, and existing abuse often worsens during pregnancy. Screening by midwives is really important.

StrawberryTartYum · 08/06/2015 22:28

I was only asked once, at my booking in appointment, and have often since thought it would be good practice to ask at every appointment. I just replied breezily in the negative, and she didn't even glance up from the form to check my reaction. No more was said about it, and my ex continued to attack me, in all ways, until DS was 8 months and I finally managed to get him to leave. I am really glad to hear it actually is common practice to be asked every appointment!

Bluepetra · 08/06/2015 22:29

I also have had this question, numerous times. I also had a midwife pull out a sheet of paper with details about my past on it ! telling me I've been suicidal at the age of 19... I'm now 38 ! She then went on to ask about an abusive relationship I left over 14 years ago. I told her I'm not even with the same partner but she persisted in asking me questions on both things.
I left feeling upset and later very angry. I understand they've a job to do but to question someone over such things from so long ago, that's just not on.
Also wrote in my medical notes about it. I'm still annoyed over it.

Emus · 08/06/2015 22:31

I was asked once during my first pregnancy two years ago but haven't been asked this time around (37+2). Haven't been asked if I'm depressed either (I'm not!).

theendoftheendoftheend · 08/06/2015 22:34

Yes I was asked at booking in, it was a relief tbh and she's been great and supportive since.
Why does it annoy you? Its a simple process to try and help people who may be vulnerable, if it doesn't apply to you just say no and thank your lucky stars!

Whiskwarrior · 08/06/2015 22:35

I was asked at appointments during all 3 of my pregnancies. Wasn't remotely bothered by it.

For some women this might be a lifeline if they are being abused so I hope it continues.

TitsCrossed · 08/06/2015 22:38

There is a big push to raise awareness about domestic violence among health care professionals to try to identify and therefore help more women and men at risk. Asking regularly as part of the usual patter is a big part of that. Research shows that it can take several asks before a victim is confident enough to answer positively. HCPs using a simple question like 'is anyone hurting you at home' can make a huge difference. You really shouldn't be offended.

spillyobeans · 08/06/2015 22:47

I got asked too, my husband was with me so she showed me to loo for a wee sample then asked there. Good they ask though

Lucked · 08/06/2015 22:51

I went to all my appointments for both alone and was never asked, DH is a doctor and knows they should so he was really annoyed I wasn't!

lokijet · 08/06/2015 22:53

I also got asked this despite being a single parent living with 2 cats!

Radiatorvalves · 08/06/2015 22:53

Quite right they ask. Having said that, DH was away (Navy) for the entire pregnancy. When I was asked I responded a bit flippantly, "Chance would be a fine thing." Clearly I didn't mean that... Blame the hormones and abandonement.

Levismum · 09/06/2015 01:08

I was asked with only one of my 6 dc, at the Booking in appointment.

If a women answers yes, what doe a MW actually do?

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