Pregnant and not very happy about it!

[CorrieDale]

Well, that sums it up really! DS is 16 mo, and came after 3 m/cs. I felt worried, anxious and joyful right through the pregnancy, despite the ms, tiredness, restless legs, etc. I never didn't want him. He was an easy but non-sleeping baby (still not a good sleeper now).

We decided to try for another baby, mostly because I didn't want to regret not having done so in 5 years, when it would be too late. I was less happy than I thought I'd be when I got the pink line, and then I wasn't hugely upset when my symptoms disappeared and I assumed I was having a missed m/c. But... we went for a scan on Friday and saw the baby's heartbeat. I wasn't as elated as I'd hoped, and since then I've been getting less and less happy about having another baby. It isn't just that I don't like being pregnant, I don't want another baby! DH is thrilled and so are our families. I can't explain to them how negative I feel about this - it sounds so awful. And I feel so guilty about it - it's hardly the baby's fault FGS, and how must it feel knowing that I don't want it. Will I want it when it arrives, or will I still feel this horrible way about it? Somebody please tell me this is really normal and it's just hormones, and I'll love the new baby just as much as DS when it arrives...

oh dear corriedale, poor you . I'm sure it's normal and due to hormones. If it's any help, I had 5 courses of fertility treatment to have dd and m/c twice before I had her. When the pg was going well, I had doubts that I was doing the right thing but I put this down to a} hormones and b} anxiety of coping as a single parent. I'm sure it will pass. (((hugs)))

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Hi Corriedale,

I'm currently pg with my first, and for the first three months I felt exactly like this. I really wanted the baby before I got pg, but after finding out I was, I went on a complete downer. Even wished at imes I would m/c as I really didn't want the changes or responsibilities that come with having a baby. I couldn't look at baby websites, nappy adverts, anything like that.

I'm now 23 weeks and feel much differently, really looking forward to the great unknown of parenthood! I can't even say what changed my mind, I just suddenly didn't feel so bad about the whole idea when I was about 19/20 weeks. I'm putting it down to hormones, and really trying not to let the fact that I wished I wasn't pg at all for such a while make me feel too guilty.

I think that sometimes, after you've experienced a m/c in the past, you can find yourself scared to become excited about being pregnant again. Its like you're stopping yourself from getting attached to your baby incase you m/c.

This explanation, along with hormaonal changes, may be causing how you feel. Hopefuly things will improve as your pregnancy moves on.

I'm 23 weeks with number 4, it was a surprise and for the first time I wasn't happy to be pregnant! I don't get enough sleep as it is, I only see dh every 2-3 weeks for a few days, I had just lost my baby weight and starting to feel human again, and there I was feeling AWFUL in everyway. I wished I could give my pregnancy to someone more deserving and who could appreciate it!

Anyway, I feel totally different now. I still don't get enough sleep, I've got spd and it hurts to walk, the house is a mess, don't know how I'll cope...but I am so looking forward to this baby now.

I'm sure you will soon feel differently, and my two toddlers are fantastic company for each other.

Hi Corriedale

I think most women have a 'oh my god , what have i done!' when they see the BFP!! i know i did! it is a huge undertaking...and the responsibility you know you are facing, especailyl second time round is more scary sometimes......

some mums have trouble bonding with the baby when it arrives....why is it so odd to have trouble bonding before it has even arrived?

if you know you wanted more children at some point...yo have to try ans accept it is sooner, rather than later....and you have several months to get used to it.

It is partly hormonal, partly fear after the the miscarriages....can i love this baby yet...he/she might not be here to stay?

also you have an active 16 month old to run around after..!

if you can;t explain this to your family..speak to someone who will understand, before you try and broach the subject...the family will all feel they have a vested interest in this baby and will find it possibly quite hard to sympathise with your lack of joy .....

Does DH know how you are feeling? he must have some idea you are anxious.....

Thanks all! Esp Rosy because the way you felt is just the way I feel now. There is hope...

Hi Corriedale,

I'm sorry about what you are going through...I'm 15 weeks pregnant with my 2nd baby. I really wanted it. After a week, I started feeling negative about it, feeling I didn't want it...I hoped sometimes I lost it because I was too scared of the futur, not being able to cope with 2 kids...I cried a lot. Now it's better, I think it was due to the hormones cause I don't understand how I came from wanted very much another baby to not wanted it at all and even looking at options like abortion...I felt trapped I think but not anymore, I'm sure it will be the same for you when you are going to meet your new baby !!