Bulimia - will my GP tell?

[ThomasAquinas]

I have name changed.

I am bulimic and pregnant. I want to tell my GP and get help with the disorder but am terrified he will be obliged to tell social services and that I will end up having my child placed on an 'at risk' register or something.

Is this what will happen if I tell him?

Please do!

And you can eat them. Don't look at them as just calories. It's nice to share the same for with a DP. You could try just having one of them if your unsure. Tea but not pudding perhaps. Not point stressing yourself out denying yourself food you love. Just have less of it for now. With time and help you will find a balance xx

*share same food

Good luck thomas I hope you get the help you need.

My mum also had issues around food when I was growing up (she still does) and as a young teenager I was very aware of this and I also developed bulimia although I am now recovered. I've spoken to her about it and she honestly thought I didn't know about her problems so although your LO doesn't know now it's worth getting it resolved sooner rather than later.

I certainly didn't have a child for that reason, my first child was unplanned and it just so happened that being pregnant did 'cure' my anorexia, for want of a better word. Like it or not I'm very grateful for this experience and for my child who is now 14, he knows nothing of my anorexia, he's a well rounded out child and it certainly has not affected him in any way.
I'm trying to be encouraging here as it's not easy to deal with when you're at a bad point, it's embarrassing, humiliating and you feel very vulnerable.
As I say I'm proud of my achievement and grateful every day that my child saved my life.
Nobody should have a child for that reason, my personal experience was that it just so happened to be.
I wish everyone with eating disorders the very best.

Hi, different scenario here but I've suffered from depression for about 4 years. I too was really nervous when I became pregnant as I was worried that I'd be judged and people may take may baby away (irrational I know but your mind can be a bugger at times!). As it happens my local midwife service have been great, as soon as I got my booking appointment I was offered the services of a mental health midwife. She was lovely, we met for over an hour initially so that she could understand my issues and said that she was there whenever I needed her. My GPs have also been really supportive and I've recently managed to come off my anti depressants. I can imagine that it must be so difficult to open up about your issues but it sounds like you want help which is the first big step. You also sound to have a really supportive partner which helps massively. You owe it to yourself to let your GP know & get the help you need xx

Nobody said they 'used' their child as a cure - what an absolutely ridiculous and inappropriate response to bluepetra's supportive message to OP. I suffered from eating disorders for 15 years but got through it all ahead of being pregnant. I can completely understand why suddenly realising your body is responsible for the care of something else so important would give greater motivation to find a way to get through and cope with an eating disorder. Eating disorders are hugely destructive and I have so much sympathy and empathy for those who've been through it with a family member too.

OP, please seek help now, as you honestly won't be judged. You could also seek independent support from your GP, in the form of an employee assistance help line if your employer has one (if working) or contacting a counsellor or the national eating disorders helpline.

Wishing you all the luck and support in the world. I know how tough it is, and I know how hard it is when you think or know others know your secret. You're very brave xx

So...I saw my GP this afternoon and he was amazingly cavalier about my eating disorder. He asked me: 'What did you expect me to say when you came here today?' I replied that I suspect my husband would want him to refer me for psychiatry; that my purging is some deep-rooting psychological hatred of myself; that I must feel inadequate. My doctor told me it was clear I was intelligent and that 'you know what you are doing. You are not underweight; you do not purge nutritional meals; you merely want to stay slim. Your baby is not in danger. Do you want me to refer you for help?' I said I've been happy the way things are for the whole time I have had the disorder and that I have been unsettled and anxious since DH told me he knew because it meant I could no longer eat the way I wished to on occasion (I have purged only once since DH confronted me ten days ago.)

I know it sounds as though my GP was giving me permission to continue to purge, but he was only telling me what I already knew: it's not great for the teeth but I know what I'm doing. People do all kinds of weird things to cope with their lives and their thoughts and their feelings about themselves ('It doesn't make you mental'; 'It doesn't mean you are psychologically unwell'; 'Just get on with your life'.) DH isn't completely okay with the doctor's 'prognosis', saying: 'It's not normal and it's not right.'

With the greatest of respect OP, I don't think your GP is being very professional (and that's me being kind to him). Bulimia has severe long term effects on the body. Heart problems and kidney damage for a start. It's a life-limiting condition. I don't think you do know what you're doing. To quote the National Centre for Eating Disorders: "The long term effects of bulimia on health, reproduction and life expectancy may be dire". And yes it's "not great" for your teeth - do you know how many £1000s it costs to fix your teeth when they fall apart? Or are you going to go straight to dentures?

Oh Thomas, I really really feel for you as you do sound like you are not in the right place to want to get better. I think you need to speak to a specialist as your GP's advice was not good imo. Bulimia is such a complicated disorder, your doctor saying that you are not underweight, you just want to stay slim is just playing into the hands of your eating disorder.
It took me years to accept I had a serious eating disorder but once I did I began to start to get better and life is SO much better without it. You need really good specialist care and support....please reach out for it.

You are both right, of course. I think morally it's a pretty selfish and moronic thing to do, too, when there are genuinely hungry people in the world. Should I tell my midwife? What will she do? What can she do?

Esss, where do I get this specialist support and is it free?

Hi Thomas, I didn't get treated in this country but I do think you should tell your midwife.

When i told mine (in the UK) that I was recovered but worried pregnancy would trigger me, she said there were maternity mental health services if I needed them so I'm sure it would be the same for you.

Maybe try contacting www.b-eat.co.uk/support-services/helpline

There's also this eating-disorders.org.uk I think they provide counselling- not sure if it's free.

Also this www.anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk

I hope that's a start....it's difficult to pick up the phone and ask for help but at the moment it sounds to me like you know you need help but you're not quite ready to give up your behaviours (that's just from what you're saying in your posts, obviously I don't know the ins and outs of your story which is why you really need to speak to an expert)

Good luck, you can do it!

Try to get round to thinking that your bulimia isn't enabling you to eat all that food and stay slim, it's keeping you trapped in a vicious cycle, it will affect your relationships, social interactions, and it does a whole lot more damage to your body than ruining your teeth but you sound intelligent and I think you know this. Life is much much much better WITHOUT it. Good luck x

Thanks so much, Esss, for those links and your advice. Very much appreciated. We are a low income family and therefore unable to pay for any kind of help. My feeling is that I need to go and see a female GP and be more pro-active in beseeching her for help. I think I was so shocked and thrilled to find a GP who told me my baby isn't in danger (I always suspected this as women with HG in pregnancy go on to have healthy babies) and that I am 'probably more sane than those who are worried for your mental health' that I felt no compulsion to actually ask for a referral.

I am very good at steering conversations and people the way I want them to go and I think this is what happened yesterday. I need to go and spill my guts to another GP saying 'I need help'.

Kitty, thanks for the encouragement. Early pregnancy is proving very good for not bingeing; I am nauseous a lot of the time and rapidly going off the crap that makes me want to purge.

I am bemused when people refer to bulimia as a 'complex' disease. It isn't anything but simple to me: don't purge the good stuff, just get shut of the bad. I am clearly delusional if I think it is that prosaic a problem, and it is for this reason I believe I need to seek help. I don't have scabrous knuckles, my skin is great, my teeth are good, I am not depressed, I enjoy nutritious meals, I don't feel the need to purge at any other time of day than an evening if pizza or other crap has been had. But, but, but...I know this behaviour is wrong

It is a very complex disorder Thomas, but you are in the throes of it.
I became incredibly insular and manipulative when I was ill and could twist anybody's words or any situation to allow me to continue with my disordered behaviour.
It's not a simple case of just purging when you've eaten something you feel guilty about. Why do you do it? How would you feel if you just ate the pizza and didn't purge? These aren't questions to answer now but just to think about.
I think you are convincing yourself that it's ok to continue with your eating disorder. No one can tell you otherwise but there's a part of you that wants help so hold onto that, be strong and proactive. I really do wish you the very best of luck.

I sought help (of sorts) because it was consuming me Thomas. It was a 'thing' in my life for too long, and I could eat 000's of calories and spend hours being sick each night. I didn't do it simply to purge the bad stuff. It is complex because for one reason or another I used good as an enormous emotional outlet. I spent a fortune and so much time binging because I couldn't control anything else. I share this only because I think the question isn't, 'Are you harming your baby?'. The question is, 'Why are you harming yourself?' Your teeth, hair, nails etc may look fab but you're ashamed of your behaviour and it makes you unhappy - I think you need support to figure out what your triggers are and why. That is where bulimia is anything but simple.

I'm so glad you're going back to a Dr. Seek out anyone you feel comfortable with, and call the national or local charities that work in this space. That Dr wasn't wrong that your sanity isn't in question - you seem a perfectly switched on individual. Continuing 'as is' just shouldn't be an option anymore tho - you've been brave enough to go this far. Hope it goes really well xx

Thank you for coming here to support me. I don't want to be shackled to this absurd and shameful ritual any more and I am going to seek help.

There is no shame OP. Many of us have issues with food - from disordered eating habits/episodes through to full blown eating disorders. It is incredibly common and very destructive.

You deserve nothing but praise and admiration for wanting to find a way through.

I agree with everyone else that your GP was, at best, unhelpful. You are absolutely right to seek more support. Sending you masses of luck.

Thank you so much, tiesthatbind.