Constantly stressing over anything

[Toothfairy7]

Hey ladies,
I do have a history of anxiety but I think now I am expecting, mixed with hormones as well, the stress levels have risen? I am really struggling going into the city every day on packed horrible tubes with rude people that don't care about anyone else except themselves, and basically everything has become a mound from a molehill to me in general now, and I know it shouldn't because stress is bad but I can't help control it, I am getting so worked up about everything now and feel sick and exhausted with work and finding everything is getting in top of me, .. I have taken a couple of days of work and waiting for an appt to see GP, which I couldn't get one today, what else can I do? I eat sensibly, I exercise and walk, I rest where I can and read books to help relax but as soon as I get home from work nothing helps calm me down especially as there are some rude people on the trains and everything gets to me so much more now and I'm very defensive , does anybody know what I mean and what else I can do? It's definitely a good idea to see GP before going back to work? Or shall I go back and wait until I get an appt? Just finding it all too
Much and worrying over everything including taking the day off now,
Thank you in advance , TF X

I forgot to say, I am just over 6 mths pregnant and yes people can see I am expecting and people are STILL so rude and it's just one of many things I am struggling with, and trust me just saying to me man up and ignore it isn't helping , I say that to myself constantly anyway, and read books but I am really struggling, but I need to go to work ... Have requested leaving earlier but so far have been getting rush hours and it's killing me...Help!!!

How are they rude?

People are very arrogant when travelling on the underground ... Don't give up seats , I always have to ask , people just barge and run into one another etc it's all too hectic and it's crap even for a non pregnant person but getting more hot more tired and more heavy, not ideal place to be esp in rush hour... Do you know the undergrounds?

This is probably a stupid question, but do you ask for a seat? I've noticed women wearing a Baby on Board pin and just expecting people to get up for them. Unfortunately loads of people are selfish and ignore the pin. But few would refuse to get up if asked nicely by a pregnant or infirm person. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it with shopping bags or holding open a door either.

Yes I always ask, I 99% always have to ask ( I'm definitely not going to stand there and get bashed about so definitely I always ask) and it's the reluctance of some people and yes some are of course very friendly but it really is a minority ... The people on the priority seats should be prepared to get up and they are reluctant sometimes to, one woman even point blank told me no and i told her but it's a priority seat so you should really, but she wouldn't and the man opposite helped instead and she just point blank refused.... It's awful!!!

Anyway this isn't the only issue, I mean I am getting stressed over everything now, I can't seem to help it!!!

Do you need to get the tube? Could you get the bus?

Toothfairy I would speak to your GP or Midwife and let them know how you are feeling, they will be able to help.

I'd not go in tomorrow, make yourself an appointment at the GP, tell them you are feeling very stressed, and get signed off for (at least) a couple of weeks and see how you feel then.

Toothfairy - I also work in central London and have to commute. I'm only 14 weeks atm, so I don't need to worry about seats and stuff just yet, but I am gobsmacked at how rude people are.

The other day, I was waiting on the platform as my train pulled in to the station, and a guy just pushed his way right in front of me. I was really angry - I was travelling off peak that day, the platform was quiet and there was just absolutely no need for it.

I can't remember if these sorts of things happened before I got knocked up, or if I am now just much, much less tolerant, but commuting is really testing my patience at the moment

OP, which route do you commute on? I'm 23 weeks and have a ninety minute journey each way (two trains and a tube) so can understand your concerns/frustrations. Have you tried moving your usual 'spot' on the platform? I do Ox Circ to Paddington and still stand at the door that is 'best' to get out at but I know its quieter elsewhere.

Generally I've found it OK so far but I.know how much the lines vary! I've always been offered a seat and when it's busy other commuters have been quick to usher me towards any seats or the old classic from someone 'would you like me to find you a seat?' which guarantees at least three people will get up. I'd definitely try and shuffle your hours to leave just before peak - I get in for 8 and leave at 5. Would that be an option?

Hi girls, yes I find my own routine of where I stand etc and how I get on and off so it's easier but it doesn't alleviate my stress, I can just about manage early morning ( I get on at 7) it's really hard and I'm tired but it's do able because I'd rather be at work early and get changed in a much quieter locker room) but it would be better to go home earlier than 5 because that's the time I am leaving currently and it's mayhem.. I'm thinking around 4 il need to go... I commute from just outside of London in a zone 6 into London bridge and use two packed tubes .... It's HORRIBLE people are as a majority honestly horrible and yes tootsie, a man pushed his way passed me too on our platform the other day for no reason and I hosted after him but he ignored me because he pushed passed my tummy where it's clearly protruding now... What an arsehole... Sorry but that's arsehole behaviour really .. Just sick of it.... And yes you know you have to deal with it normally because we have to get Into work but a pregnant lady should not , it's too much at the moment... It's not even just that, I'm finding everything is becoming so much more stressful and I'm getting cross quickly and it's making me feel poorly :(

A friend of mine from church became a stay-at-home mom after having her first child. She joked "I sin a lot less now that I don't have to commute by Tube every day." It tests the patience of the best of us, I can assure you!

I would speak to your manager or whoever at work and try to formally agree that you can arrive and leave earlier because you are being affected by the commute. Hopefully they can accommodate this for you.

Yes, definitely speak to your gp and midwife. I've suffered from anxiety in the past, and pregnancy hormones have made it like 1000000 times worse. I keep finding myself stuck in loops of stressing and worrying and feeling so anxious that it's hard to act. It sounds like they are having the same effect on you, too. I can't imagine how stressful I'd find it needing to ask for a seat on the underground every day feeling like I do. There's a whole support system there for helping pregnant women when hormones make it harder to cope, because it happens to a lot of us. And just because I worried a lot about this, telling your GP and midwife that you are having trouble will definitely not get you flagged up as a risk to your baby or anything. It just means that they make sure you get the help with it that you need. I've been referred for a course of CBT to help me develop some strategies for managing the stress and worry that I can do while pregnant.

Hi girls above, thank you for the support, it is pretty bad on those tubes! So hopefully I can leave a bit earlier so I can pootle my way the stations and go home without the shoving and running of people at the main rush hour .... It's a help at least if I can go earlier.... It may sound trivial but it's really not and Ed you are right pregnancy hormones make everything so magnified ... I am such a stress monkey at the moment ... I normally let things go over my head and I'm so patient but recently I am boiling up inside with stress and worry and anxiety and then I'm stressed because I know it's unhealthy to be that way especially when pregnant so that upsets me even more !!!! Work are very supportive so that's good, I just need to see a GP !! ( don't get me started on doctor surgeries , phone back at 2.30 to see if there's any appointments!!) grrrrr!!!! I can't let things drop at the moment everything is a huge issue!!!!

And newbian that's hilarious about your friend :) I believe it completely!!!! It's also been a culmination of pregnancy for the first time, new home and new job and all the tube travel! It's a lot to take on anyway plus the hormone changes and physical changes and anxiety.... I can be forgiven for feeling stressed surely! Lol

Poor Toothfairy, sorry you're feeling so stressed. I really sympathise with the feeling you describe of "boiling up inside" - I'm 38 weeks and have had a few periods of feeling really overwhelmed with stressy thoughts during my pregnancy.

The key thing that's worked for me and helped me to get back a sense of calm and control is to try to interrupt the negative thoughts and stop them coming in the first place. It involves a bit of work but it's worth it.
In my case I started by sitting down with pen and paper and listing the kind of things that were bothering me. For me these were mostly family issues and for each one I had to work out what exactly was bothering or stressing me out, what was I afraid of? Once I'd done that I was able to work out alternative, more positive thoughts, and each time I felt a negative thought coming up I could then stop it, repeat the positive thoughts to myself, and basically shut the whole spiral of worry and stress down before it started. For a while I actually carried my positive thoughts around on bits of paper and got them out each time a bad thought started coming up, but now I don't even need to do that, they just come naturally.
In your case it sounds like people on the tube are one your big stresses, but you could say the following things to yourself:

1. Where possible, I will take the tube at quieter times and this will make my life much easier.
2. Even at busy times, I can always ask for a seat and 99% of the time I will get one, so really I'm lucky.
3. The fact that I have to ask or that people are a bit grumpy has no bearing on me, it's just part of living in a big city. All that matters is that I get home, and once there I can have a nice hot bath or shower, light a nice scented candle and listen to some lovely music, mmmm .

Anyway these are just some ideas but you get the gist. My partner actually helped me come up with my positive thoughts which is great too as he can remind me of them if I'm getting stressed. He was a t a loss as to what to do with me before but now he knows that I just need reassurance, and he has a script to give it to me. Another thing that's been very helpful for me is to listen to hypnobirthing tracks while I'm on public transport. If you have an iphone you can download one called Effective Birth Preparation by a woman called Maggie Howell for 7.99. Even if you're not into the idea of hypnobirthing itself the track is just so relaxing. There is also an app by a woman called Katharine Graves which has really nice positive affirmations and then a (slightly weird but very calming) relaxation about tropical fish - it's in the app store for 3.99. You can also listen to them in the evening for added relaxation. Anyway I better get off mumsnet now but hope these thoughts have been helpful. I can honestly say they have helped me to get back a sense of calm and happiness so I can just enjoy being pregnant. Hope they do the same for you xx

chinaclogs thank you so very much for your time and thoughts to write that to me... It's greatly appreciated and very helpful and positive to read... I will definitely take you up on that advice and you are clearly benefitting from it all yourself so that's brilliant ... Thank you so much! It very much is mind over matter and normally I cope well with silly things like this but somehow at the moment it's so much harder ... I'm very defensive for bump and and rightly so of course and I don't ever get angry at people, more angry inside unfortunately ... So unhealthy!!! Your post has made me smile and feel good!!! Glad you are feeling better yourself xx

I can't help much on the relaxation stuff but have you tried

1. Going all the way to the end of the platform and getting on the first or last carriages? Even if you have to let a train go by in order to get yourself in the right position. Even in rush hour it can be materially quieter and if you are on the yellow line to get in first you can move down the carriage faster.
2. Get a baby on board badge and wear it religiously somewhere prominent
3. Stand in front of the mirror and practice saying at a confident level "I am 6 months pregnant, would someone mind offering me their seat as far as X destination". Then do it.
4. Make sure you change your shoes for commuting - something flat with support
5. Reduce your load as much as possible to a small bag with water and the bare essentials.
6. You don't say what you do all day - are you office based or do you do a job where set hours need to be covered? I found it was much easier to come in late for 10am when I was heavily pregnant and leave at 6/6.30. I'm office based but it was much harder to leave at 4pm - something always came up.
7. Last resort - the madwoman tactic. Get on the train, sing loudly, talk to yourself, or say random things to total strangers while invading their personal space. You'll get lots of space very quickly ...

Haha treadsoftly's last tip also sounds brilliant!
Bless you toothfairy these aren't silly things at all. You are busy caring for and protecting the little person living inside you and it can be really tough when other people send negativity your way. But their behaviour is no reflection on you and there is no reason why it should rob you of what can be a lovely time. Good luck with the positive thinking and the rest of your pregnancy, I'm sure you will do great xx

Haha tread softly ... Thank you also!! I do every single one of those tips... I learned along the way ... I go to last carriages ... Make myself seen so I can get on first ( doesn't always work as people are arses ) ... I wear a badge religiously above my breast... Take a little handbag with a bottle of water only ... And I always speak politely but loudly 'excuse me would somebody mind giving up a seat?' And yes it always works in the end but it's the whole rigmarole I think really .. (Is that a word? Lol) and people in general!!!!! Grrrr! Not just that but it's hot, claustrophobic, too busy at the times I use it ( but that will change slightly soon hopefully ) and I have no other option!!!
As for work I am a dental nurse in one of the hospitals in Central London so a lot of walking about and standing , however everyone's lovely with me generally so I do get to sit too but there's a lot that can't be avoided of course

Thought it might help to smile a bit - plus it's always a bit of fun to think about winding people up even if you never do it. It is a rigmarole but one of the joys of London living.

First child so you are not dashing home to pick up an older child from a nursery? Have you had a look to see if there is a swimming pool anywhere near your work? If you went for a swim after work it would be a nice way to wind down mentally, and cool down over the summer. Assuming you can swim obviously but there are also antenatal swim classes in lots of gyms.

Preg Yoga might be another one to try but I am recalling my elephant feet in a hot London July and how much of a difference being in a pool made.

If you were me, I'd just pop myself into one of those lovely comfy dental chairs and have a nap for an hour before heading home when it's a bit quieter.