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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When do you stop worrying?

21 replies

HappyGirl86 · 26/05/2015 05:43

Hi again everyone,
I found out I'm pregnant a couple of days ago (thanks to everyone who commented on my last post) and I'm probably about four weeks and a couple of days and already I'm worrying that something might go wrong. I'm on my honeymoon at the moment and we fly home on Thursday. I'm even worried about the flight (what happens if I'm ill or something happens?) I know this isn't healthy for me to think like this. Im guessing I will always worry to some extent but how can I worry less or how did you manage this stage? This is my first and we got pregnant very quickly so I think I'm paranoid something might go wrong. I figured positive stories might help!
Thanks!

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MargeryDaw · 26/05/2015 06:39

I found I was more relaxed with my first pregnancy and worried far more with my second.

As a parent it is natural to worry about your children, and that will never leave you I don't think. But I have had some anxiety issues postnatally and one thing that helped me was looking at things in terms of scales so that the things you're worrying about aren't so black and white. I've also taken up yoga - I strongly recommend pregnancy yoga for relaxation when you're past 12 weeks. Some mindfulness techniques might be helpful too for when the worry is spiralling in your mind. There's loads online and books on the subject.

I also like to look at statistics/odds so for example the odds of the flight having any effect are probably zero to minimal and to focus on the majority rather than the minority.

But if you find you're struggling and the anxious thoughts are intrusive talk to your GP and once you're booked in etc, your midwife. And the very best thing you can do is to step away from Google! You will drive yourself mad with the endless possible things that could go wrong - and probably won't. I tried to have a rule that if I was concerned about a symptom or something I would check in my pregnancy book and if I couldn't find the answer in there then I'd talk to my midwife.

Congratulations! Despite the worry it is a very exciting time.

breakfastinbread · 26/05/2015 06:45

I was v similar to you in pregnancy, and when I spoke to my mum about how worried I was (would the baby be ok? Would I be ok? Would our relationship change? Could we afford this baby etc etc) she just smiled and said that she still worries about me now.

I think if you are a worrier by nature then you will always worry, you just get different things to worry about as they grow up (is the baby feeding ok? am I weaning right? Are they hitting milestones? Do they have enough friends? Is this the right school - you get the picture?)

I realised I could either spend my days fretting or I could enjoy my pregnancy. Chances are statistically that things will be fine, so why dwell on all the "What Ifs..." In life?

Good luck

Original poster

HappyGirl86 · 26/05/2015 06:47

Thanks Margery.
I am a firm believer in Mindfulness and I didn't even think of that, I think it would help.
Think it's also a good idea to remind myself of the positive facts, I guess I'm naturally a glass half empty kind of person!

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Original poster

HappyGirl86 · 26/05/2015 06:48

Thanks Breakfastinbread you are so right, why waste my time on what ifs?
I'm sure if I spoke to my mum she would also tell me she still worries about me, it's just part of life I guess.

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Stinkersmum · 26/05/2015 06:51

I'm 20 weeks today and still worry about everything. But I also flew a lot around 10-12 weeks and everything was fine. I then did another 6 flights at weeks 14-15. Flying will not affect your baby one way or another.

BertrandRussell · 26/05/2015 06:52

I've been awake since 4.30 worrying about my daughter. She's 19.

applecore0317 · 26/05/2015 07:32

I was a bit anxious and just tried to focus on keeping busy in the first trimester, kept up with my gym routine, saw friends and took each week as it came. It made it much more bearable.

I did pay for an early reassurance scan at just under nine weeks as well, which also helped.

I also didn't do loads of pregnancy tests as I knew it would make me anxious. So, I did two on the day I found out and one a few weeks later, but that was it.

wispywoo1 · 26/05/2015 07:59

I'd say get am early scan if possible. You may have to pay though. The 12 week wait is so long!

Second I'd say definitely stay away from Google. I found that every symptom I had had ended in good news for one person and bad for another. I always latch onto the bad and forget the good one! No more googling now.

Congratulations and good luck. Have you told any family?

MargeryDaw · 26/05/2015 08:36

A word of warning on early scans - I know people who had them and still went on to have problematic pregnancies which would never have been predicted from the early scans. So yes they can reassure you at that moment but won't necessarily alleviate worry. And I found that with the two routine scans I had second time around - great immediately and in the few days after for reassurance but beyond that you will still worry!

As PP wisely say, don't waste energy on the what ifs. That's the best advice

Koalafications · 26/05/2015 08:43

In 38+2 and still worrying. My DM has told me on a number of occasions that she still worries about me.

I think it's part of being a parent, I don't think that there are many parents out there who don't worry about their DC.

Congratulations

happygojo · 26/05/2015 08:56

Everything that happens between now and 10-12 weeks is pre-written. nothing you do or don't do will make a difference. It was determined from the second you conceived. This is how I got through the first 12 weeks. I am sure you will be fine. Try and enjoy the last few days of your honeymoon

Sgtmajormummy · 26/05/2015 08:57

With my last pregnancy I stopped worrying when the amnio came through OK (38 at the time and with clear ideas about what I would do if it wasn't).

After that it was the happiest time of my life, I felt so purposeful and full of energy (worked until 2 weeks before, no choice but it was fine). Treat yourself well and pamper your body with healthy food, fresh air and early nights! Maybe the worrying is Mother Nature telling you to slow down?

Original poster

HappyGirl86 · 29/05/2015 23:33

Hi everyone,
Thank you for your replies. I just thought id let you know we came home today and everything was ok. I told my parents our good news so that they can be there to support me and tell me to stop being silly when I'm worrying! They were pleased

I'm trying to be laid back and just take things as they come.

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TheMidnightHour · 30/05/2015 15:18

I'm 26w with my first and have found something new to worry about at every stage. And I know my mum is still worrying about me, as she's just texted, lol.

For me, I found it helped to know what the odds were as I tend to feel I can manage to be in the 80 or 98% who have a good outcome. For MC they get better day by day. So early on I found a risk chart and marked my calendar when the odds get better (they get better very rapidly - by the time you get a +ve test, most of the risk is actually gone).

If your worries are specific (I was very worried about an ectopic pregnancy as my mum had one) you may be able to check that particular thing? I found an early scan enormously helpful as it removes that particular concern.

And if there's a MN 'bus' for your due date, that might help too :) My lot are lovely.

Original poster

HappyGirl86 · 30/05/2015 15:43

Thanks TheMidnightHour so good to hear how you managed. How did you work out the risks at each stage?
Also what is a MN bus? Thanks!

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Steph1502 · 30/05/2015 20:18

Hey happygirl, I remember your last post :) congrats again. I'm on DC4 and my oldest is 12. Can I be totally honest? You never really stop worrying. Ever. It's part of parenthood. I worry about everything. The only advice I can give you is take each day as it comes and try not to let the worry take over. And as far as the flight goes, I travelled a few times during pregnancy and was totally fine. Also have an air hostess friend who's just had her 4th child and worked on flights up to I think 20 odd weeks. Try and enjoy the rest of your honeymoon then enjoy your Pregnancy xx

Original poster

HappyGirl86 · 30/05/2015 20:24

Thanks for your reply Steph.
We got back yesterday and everything seemed fine on the flight. You are right I need to just take each day as it comes and enjoy it as worrying won't change anything.
I think I'll feel a little bit better when ive had a scan.

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Hottypotty · 30/05/2015 20:28

I agree that you never stop worrying! But I think you will feel better after the 12 week scan and then when you start to feel the baby move around.

Steph1502 · 30/05/2015 20:31

Ah sorry just seen you'd already said that you were home. Glad it went well x

TheMidnightHour · 03/06/2015 10:06

Sorry it's taken me a while to get back to the thread.

Risks - It's not perfect, but there's a calculator you can plug your LMP into which gives you a day-by-day risk level. It's here: spacefem.com/pregnant/mc.php?m=08&d=10&y=12

MN bus - if you go to the 'pregnancy' tab at the top of the page and click antenatal clubs, you'll spot a thread for the month you're due. It'll be full of people who are at the same stage as you so it's a great place to ask questions like 'is this normal?' or 'has anyone...' I don't know anyone IRL who is pregnant right now, so it was brilliant.

FeelTheNoise · 03/06/2015 10:48

I'm hoping to worry less about late teens DS1 before his 30th birthday it's just the way I am as a mum. DS2 worries the crap out of me (he's due in September) and I fully expect that to continue!

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