Struggling at 29 weeks.

[User24689]

Hello MNers

I am 29 weeks and seem to have suddenly turned into an emotional wreck, hoping someone can help tell me whether this is normal!

I have a long history with an eating disorder but made massive progress the last couple of years. I see a counsellor monthly. 18 months ago I began to consider myself recovered for the first time (after approx. 15 years) and gained 10kg in a year. I then fell pregnant sooner than planned and since the start of this pregnancy I have gained another 10kg. So I have gained 20kg in 18 months and I am starting to have a real wobble about this.

I had a thread a couple of months ago about my relationship with my dad and his controlling attitude to my body/ pregnancy weight gain. I coped with his visit really well and came out of it unscathed… until recently when my appetite has ramped up, my energy levels have dropped and I’ve realised that the seeds he planted in my head have started to take. I’ve been feeling guilty for eating anything ‘unhealthy’, thinking it is going to affect the baby and panicking about having a huge baby. Yet, I’m starving right now and craving carbs.

I’ve become completely preoccupied with the birth and I’m struggling to stop thinking about it. I am v uncomfortable with my body in general and have always found it hard having e.g. smear tests, vaginal exams and tend to tense up, which means they are always quite painful. I’m finding it hard to imagine letting go of all that during birth and the thought of e.g. being induced, having a sweep, having waters broken really scares me.

I went to first antenatal class at the hospital last night and it was useful in some ways but in others left me feeling more daunted. For some reason, watching birth videos makes me cry! I can just about hold it together until the baby comes out and then I lose it – is that normal?! It was really embarrassing because no one else in the room reacted like that at all, luckily I was at the back and managed to hide it, joked with DH that I’m just really hormonal (and maybe that really is all it is). They took us into a birthing suite and being in the room felt really daunting, my heart is racing just thinking back to it. Although there were 16 of us in there and a lot of standing which probably didn’t help.

I'm just dreading it, tbh.

I had considered hypnobirthing classes and posted on here recently about them – I’m going to go to a 2 day course next month, I think, although they are very expensive.

I’m not sure what my question is, I think I just needed to unload. I went to my counsellor this morning and really cried – and I haven’t done that in a counselling session in about 6 months! I’m just not feeling good at all. It doesn’t help that DH and I are here (in Australia) on our own with family back in the UK and, although we have friends, I suddenly feel like we are completely isolated and I just really want a hug from my mum!

Can anyone else relate to what I’m feeling or tell me this is normal?

Also, if you have had a baby before, are there any real practical things I can be doing now that will make the birth experience any easier on me? Counsellor suggested breathing practice but I don’t know where to start.

And…. If anyone has any reassuring stories of their birth, I would love to hear them.

Thank you! Sorry this was so long...

Hi,

I can relate to the ED and body image part. I have been considered recovered for a fee years now. I was initially referred to a consultant in case pregnancy triggered it again.

I initially put on half a stone in the first trimester as wanted to ensure that I was a good weight due to feeling a bit under.

I have struggled in the last month or so, and regretted putting on that extra half a stone in purpose as I have now gained 3 stone... (I think, don't dare weigh myself now) and am 39+1. I have a sweet tooth, but have been focussing on eating lots of fruit and veg inbetween the naughty stuff.

I have not been happy about this, but I just keep focussing on the baby, and that a big chunk of the weight will go when she is born, and that I will need to focus on her and not the way I look, and stay strong for her.

I think it's normal to be apprehensive about the birth, and wondering how on earth you'll get through it. I've been listening to a hypnobirthing CD and reading a hypnobirthing book, both by Maggie Howell and find that they are helping me to relax more. Think they both cost me about £20, worth it to help relax you before you do hypnobirthig classes.

The hypnobirthing is good as it helps you to focus on your breathing and highlights that each contraction will bring you closer to meeting your baby. Breathing and being more relaxed is good for a smoother birth, simply because fear releases adrenaline which can slow down labour.

This is what I have learnt through the hypnobirthing book and also antenatal classes, I haven't experienced this myself yet, but it gives me something to focus on.

Morning, I don't know what's 'normal' but can say that at 29+5 i am struggling too. I am very emotional which is making work very difficult. I also had an awful experience Friday of having to have my horse put to sleep in horrendous circumstances. I am a bit of a wreck at the moment.

I don't have an ED but have been a yoyo deter all my life and have been struggling with the weight gain so can only imagine a little of how you are feeling re that. Its great that you are still seeing your counselor and i think the hypnobirth classes are a good idea, I have bought Marie Mongans book as there are no classes near me.

I think the emotions are normal, and as a result everything emotional becomes harder to deal with.

Keep in mind that you Will have your baby, one way or another and then that part (labour etc) is over. Take care. X