26 weeks with a child I dont want

[Shyni85]

Hi I am 26 weeks and I am tired, exhausted and my emotions are everywhere.

I did not want this DC- I have a DS1 who is 3 and DS2 who is 2, a 40 hour week job and just submitted by thesis. It was badly timed (the depo injection failed on me) and we went to the abortion clinic at 5 weeks but last minute, I guess I couldn't go through with it :(

I know in my heart that keeping this child was the right choice, but this pregnancy has been exhausting and we are just about getting by.

The mortgage people keeping giving hassle, since my DH got made redundant before xmas and we fell behind. He still isn't working yet, but does look after the kids, make dinner and the house is always nice and homely, I know he does a lot and he appreciates me.

I am only entitled to 16 weeks maternity leave (at full pay), so I have to go back to work after this time, so wont get the time with the baby. I guess I am physically unable to keep up with the demands, and I am burning out but I cant stop because then we fall behind further.

I really wish I wasn't having this child, I urged my DH to let us give DD1 away to someone who will give her more than we can. But he says he couldnt do that. we fight about it constantly.

I feel I made a mistake at the clinic back then......and I am paying for it every day. what kind of life will a child have when we cannot give her everything she wants. I guess little girls like nice cloths, nice shoes and play dates and all those wonderful things....which I cannot give her.

Oh you poor love, you've really got a lot on your plate.

I think you need to put to bed all thoughts of making the wrong decision at the clinic. You are where you are and you can't change that now, you're spending precious energy regretting something that you cannot change.

You will get through this, try to spend your energy figuring a way to handle how you're feeling.

Oh sweetheart.

Little girls like cuddles, and love, and older brothers who look out for them. I have two of them (not so little any more mind you).

No one can give their child everything they want, and even if they could they shouldn't.

But that's not the real problem is it, you sound absolutely worn out. Two under five and a pregnancy would do that without being worried about money I reckon.

What would happen if you got signed off work for a week just to be able to recover a little? You're not far enough on to be put on immediate maternity leave and it might just let you rest enough to deal with things a little.

Also please remember antenatal depression is a very real thing and your GP can help if that is what's happening, so it's definitely worth talking to them.

Finally, have you done a benefits check in case there is any help you should be getting that you aren't?

It always seems kids are happier the less they have. Your dd will have two parents and a lot of love which is much more than so many children.