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Pregnancy

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overbaring mother in law what do I do?

5 replies

Shelby2244 · 14/05/2015 16:01

My MIL has always been overbearing but now I'm pregnant its even worst i suffer from bad anxiety and her over involvment is making it allot worst. she always turned up without calling first my partner works 6 days a week and she turns up on his one day of every week but stays all day and night, or comes ay 9 at night when we have work we struggle to get time just us as shes always here she's borrowed my BIL's keys before when we have been at work and brought and changed all our furniture to furniture she likes, my partner spoke to her and she said she would come less and call but she did that for a week and now she still just turns up all the time but trys to buy us over so she'll make an exscuse and turn up with a bag of food shopping, random things shes brought wich just get horded, toys for the animals, were in a small one bed flat and she turns up with furnishings and dogs beds and say oh thought u could use a few bits ill just come in for a cup of tea and stays hours. ive stopped working now due to a tricky 1st trimester so now she turns up in the day or calls twice for my partner even though she knows he works, my partner spoke to her last week again and she said she would call first and yet again she isnt. On sunday I spoke to her again about buying us things and that we appreciate it but were not comfortable with it, she wanted to buy he babys furniture and moses basket and I told her I want to pick out those things so not to worry and the next day she brought a moses basket. she also makes me feel uncomfortable that she constantly wants to no personal things in our life like our finances etc. My partners spoke to her about turning up ive spoke to her that were uncomfortable ive started not to answer the door in the day but its getting worst what else can I do we appreciate that she cares and trying to help but were adults we have our own home and a baby on the way this is ridiculus?...

OP posts:
fixuplooksharp · 14/05/2015 16:12

Oh no, I feel for you!!! My MIL has been a pain the arse and used to turn up without telling us Sunday afternoons when we were about to pop out or just relaxing in our slobs doing puzzles etc with the children. I actually told her in the end, in as nice a way as poss 'please let us know when you are coming, and Sundays aren't great for us as we're usually out and about as it's the only day we get to spend together as a family' she has listened, sort of, and does it less. I would do as you are and not answer the door! But really you shouldn't have to feel like a prisoner in your own home, people should not just turn up and especially not inflict their opinions on you and outstay their welcome.
If your partner has spoken to her about it, and she is still doing it, I really don't know what else you can do, apart form not answer the door, which is annoying for you and a bit mean to her, but if she gave you a little space and respected your wishes that wouldn't have to be the case.

pictish · 14/05/2015 16:22

Yes she sounds like hard work. I can't believe she changed your furniture btw - that's outrageous!

Well...you are going to have to stop answering the door to her. She has been told and told but she refuses to take it on, so it is her own fault if she is ignored at the door. She has no business turning up whenever she wants and expecting admittance and to stay for hours.

I think if she's left dangling on the doorstep often enough she'll get fed up of the wasted outing and start ringing to see if you can be arsed with her you're in.
I hope.

Shelby2244 · 14/05/2015 16:25

Yeah its an awkward situation because we appreciate her help amd I do get on with her very well so dont want to jepradise the relationship but its making me so anxious now so I think me and my partner will both have to sit with her one more time and if continues just turn her away when she turns up or not answer even though its a bit mean :/

OP posts:
Jenny1231990 · 14/05/2015 17:47

Oh no poor you, if I were you, I would still pick out the Moses basket you and your partner would like. You did tell her and I'm sure she still had the receipt. Those are special things that you want to choose together.
I don't know how you would stop her just turning up out of the blue as your other half has spoken to her, but agree about not answering the door
You wouldn't be putting your relationship in jeopardy because she has been asked enough not to do these things. She is putting you both in an awkward situation.
Does she have any friends,work?

FenellaFellorick · 14/05/2015 17:53

Leave application forms to emigrate across the world and when she sees them tell her that you're tired of asking her to respect boundaries. Grin

In all seriousness, if she's been told directly to please back off just a bit and she simply won't, you may need to start being blunt.
Go out for the day nice and early on your partners day off for a start.
It's not about booting her out of your life, not at all. It's about having her in your lives in a close but mutually respectful way.

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