NCT classes... are they worth it? DH keen but I'm not sure!

[LilacWine7]

My DH is very keen for us to book them. However I don't really like group situations, I don't feel comfortable discussing personal issues with a roomful of strangers especially as partners attend. I also have Hg (still suffering with nausea and vomiting at 23 weeks and no guarantee it will improve by time NCT starts). I told DH I'm not bothered about going, he was disappointed as he wants to meet other couples and likes groups.
I don't want to pay for the course and then find I'm still too unwell to attend. Also I've heard the sessions are often held in the midwife's home?? I wouldn't mind so much if they were hospital-based with a Sat/Sun morning option, but evenings are my worst time for sickness.
Has anyone done NCT classes? What did you think of them? If I booked but was too ill to attend, would DH be able to attend them by himself?

Haven't done them yet but mine will be 2 full day Saturdays (at a conference centre) instead of a string of evenings. Think that's probably easier if you feel rubbish in the evening and/or work long hours. I think a lot of NCT branches offer that as an option, maybe your local one will?

I'm still friends with the 4 other couples I met at the NCT. And that was a long time ago.
The NHS one had lots of couples. We're still going solid all these year later, we meet all the time and the kids grew up together. They're all like family to us. In fact, I'm about to meet several of them soon for a catch up. I love them all dearly.
Do go, OP. We're all very different and from diffeent backgrounds, but going together through the most terrific and terrifying experiences of our lives brought us together. :)

Yes yes yes. Best thing ever done. Another point is that you get friends with kids of pretty much exactly the same age - and so much happens during the first weeks that it's great to be able to quickly get a view from all your NCT group on what is happening. It's such a relief. If you don't have an NCT class then it's more difficult to meet a big group of women with exactly same aged babies. It's also brilliant so that DH gets properly prepared for the birth - I think no amount of books can give a DH as much confidence as having been to an NCT class and having been able to ask questions and discuss things.

I HATED mine complete waste of money for us. Leader was awful. Other couples were awful. HOWEVER every one else I know loved there class and has made life long friends.. Maybe I was unlucky

They were invaluable for me. And DH, he made some good dad friends and they all take the kids off on play dates together. We didn't have a lot of friends where we lived but now we have loads and it makes us feel like we are part of a community.

Our little ones are 2.5 now and we are mostly having our second babies but we still see each other a lot (at least once a week for me because I work part time and get together with other nct mums on my day off), and we have a facebook group where we chat and offer each other advice/tips etc.

You don't talk about anything personal to you in the classes. More about the details of labour and newborn parenting/feeding.

Your DH could definitely go on his own if you felt too unwell.

It really depends a) how confident are you meeting new people - would you be happy to turn up to baby group on your own and just start chatting when your baby is here? If you are confident enough to do that then you might not need NCT and b) how many friends with babies do you have? Do you have a good support network that you can ask for advice etc?

DH went to one of ours on his own, and one of the other partners came to a couple on his own when his gf was ill.

Don't underestimate how long mat leave can be if you don't know anyone! If you don't like group situations, are you going to struggle to make friends at baby groups / classes etc?

We've just done an NCT refresher course for dc2 and everyone is doing it for the same reason - to meet people at a similar stage. It cuts out the initial awkwardness of "does this person want to be my friend" that I can never get past!

It does depend on the people obviously, you could end up with a rubbish group. But I would have thought out of 8 couples at least one would be on your wavelength.

We did a full weekend NCT course with the antenatal teacher and one evening with the breastfeeding counsellor. The weekend course was at the hospital where roughly 60% of the couples will be giving birth, the bf class was at the counsellor's house. This was a few weeks ago now.

I can't say we immediately hit it off with any of the other couples, maybe it would have been different over a series of evening classes. The full weekend course didn't give us an amazing amount of time to get comfortable with each other, but it was convenient for work schedules etc. But maybe this will come once babies have arrived and all the SAHPs are desperate for some adult human contact!

The classes themselves didn't teach me too much I didn't already know from reading MN. But then other people, it turns out, don't read and research as obsessively as I do! The best bit was a tour of the birth centre and labour ward. The bf session was deadly boring and patronising, but that's more down to the counsellor's lack of modern teaching skills.

You don't have to discuss anything personal in public that you don't want to, you can always have a quiet word on a break or after the session. I'm glad we did them, but I treat them more as a starting point for both knowledge and friendships rather than a guarantee of anything, IYSWIM.

Mine were amazing I had to run out and be sick most weeks but worth it for advice and friendships made. As others have said not sure would have got through first 6 months without!

IMO it's like paying for middle class friends at the same life stage as you.

I find it really strange that people go to,childbirth classes run by lovely but unqualified people. The nhs offers free ante natal classes run by qualified midwives who work delivering babies. I made lovely friends at the nhs ante natal and post natal groups, still friends years on.
Would you let an amateur fix your teeth instead of a dentist? Would you go to an amateur Dr? No, but you will let someone with no medicsl qualifications tell you how to give birth! It's bonkers! A nice way to meet people is what it is.

We have great nhs services local to us, so I decided not to pay for NCT classes and instead just to do the one all day midwife run Saturday class with DH. The day was very useful but we didn't stay in contact with any of the other couples.

However, the support of my Mumsnet pregnancy group has been invaluable and one of the people I met on here turned out only to live 5mins away from me. We have met up several times with and without our husbands and also plan future meet ups with the wider group...

We also attended a midwife led monthly pregnancy club through which we met several other local ladies and we intend to make the most of all the groups and classes in the local area. Our neighbours have also been very good - all of whom either have young children of their own or who are grandparents and have offered lots of support, advice and friendship when needed. So support can come in many ways and forms, regardless of whether or not you pay for it!

I didn't find them great.

The people attending were quite snobby & me & DH were judged not up to scratch. (All of which I found ironically funny considering the town we all lived in)

Our NCT leader answered our questions but defo pushed the natural agenda. I actually came out of them terrified of giving birth in hospital. Induction and any intervention was made out to be the worst thing that could happen! (I ended up being induced and having a forcep delivery) C-sections were not even discussed.

On reflection they were a completecomplete waste of money. My SIL on the other hand loves her group and they all meet up with the babies.

The nhs offers free ante natal classes run by qualified midwives who work delivering babies.

This isn't true in all areas. My NHS class was ran by an NCT breastfeeding counsellor.

Heels99 in our area, the NHS doesn't offer childbirth classes. You can go to one hour long information session at the local hospital which is not particularly easily accessible by public transport and isn't actually very local. So while our leader isn't an HCP, and was utterly bonkers, she did have training and there was some food for thought.

ilove not all of our group are "middle class" by any means. And in the relatively short time since we did it, the NCT in our area has introduced scaled fees in any event.

Where I live, the group before mine, and my group are really good friends. The group after mine didn't gel at all.

In my wider experience, while the evening sessions are a bit more of a commitment, they work better as they give you longer to get to know each other and the people who are a bit less likely to talk or interact have more time to get to know the others.

I thought the course itself was useful but I didn't learn that much I couldn't have done on MN. That said it was really useful to chat about childbirth/breastfeeding etc with a helpful tutor and nice approachable bunch of ladies. 2 years on we are still in touch though don't see each other very much since we all went back to work, that might change as 3 of us are now pg again. We're fairly spread out though- other groups have smaller "catchments". Their support in the first few weeks and months really was invaluable and it's worth doing the course for that. Having a new baby is a lonely experience. My DH is disappointed that the dads didn't bond as much as the mums but he didn't make that much effort really.
I should add though that I also met a bunch of mums (far more local) through a local sure start centre group after my son was born. The class itself was free and a bit naff but worth it as I now have some proper local friends from it.

Loved my NCT group. I find it difficult to approach people in classes, groups etc so being 'forced' to get to know people was brilliant for me. I don't know anyone with babies where I live so having people locally to meet up with made my maternity leave so much nicer. Also DH knew next to nothing about birth and babies so the content of the classes was perfect for him.

No NHS classes at all in my area.

19 years later....I still see my NCT ladies socially and go away once a year. We don't invite the kids anymore!!!

I'd ask if you can chat to the person who'd be running your course and see how you get on with them. Our course leader wasn't great at picking up reactions and so left quite a few of us feeling less confident than going in. Glad to make friends with the other families at the same stage - suspect we could have managed this through other groups but it would have been harder.

I think it's worth it. I made great friendships from my group, nearly four years on and we are so close.

I would back up the idea that it is worth it - our group still mostly all catch up 8 years on and when you are on mat leave it is good to have people to see during the week going through the same as you. That said, I think we were lucky with our group and I know other people who couldn't stand the couples in their group.
I have made other mum friends from a few playgroups and once DDs started school but that gap between birth and returning to work can be very long and lonely without some similar parent friends. It is hard, IMHO, to forge good friendships in baby playgroups - especially if you aren't keen on group situations - and I am pretty easygoing and chat to anyone (much to DDs disgust now!) so I can't imagine how more shy people would feel in playgroup situations especially if a few other mums already know each other - you can feel dreadfully left out if no one strikes up a conversation.

So NCT for friends - yes; birthing advice - not so much!

I'm still good friends with my group, we were a small one, with only 5 couples, and our course leader was lovely. They were held in a community centre nearish to us ( a 15 minute drive away) and we had the classes that were during the day - you will probably find that the evening ones go quickly, as people don't necessarily want to have to take time off work or lose a whole weekend day, so you should be able to find classes for the daytime.

Our NCT teacher had had two previous C-sections, so she was not against intervention as some of the bad press about NCT states, and I liked the exercise that showed how busy the room would be if you did have any form of intervention (some people have since told me they were unprepared for what would happen in say a forceps birth).

My one caveat is that I don't think the breastfeeding part was that realistic...

I didn't do them and felt I managed perfectly fine without. However, I already had a really strong support system of people that were in the same sort of situation as me with a baby etc, so I wasn't worried about that for maternity leave and those early months. I am also definitely not a group person at all, so i couldn't face that.

But I know loads of people who have really enjoyed the classes and have had strong friendships as a result. I suppose it just comes down to what you think you'll need!

I can totally understand your issues with HG but I'd do them - I didn't for various reasons, including moving house at the time and bitterly regretted it. The early days with a baby are so lonely, more friends can really help.