Worried about life with 2?

[hullywully]

I had my daughter 11 months ago and now I'm pregnant again. I'm so worried about looking after two under 2's. People keep saying how challenging it will be. Does anyone have any good ideas about coping with 2 under 2? Or does anyone want to make men feel better and just lie and say how easy it's going to be. Thanks

Hi.

I have 2 under 3 (my second dc is 6 months) and Im not going to lie to you it is tough. The best tip I can give is that if you can afford it try to get the older baby in to a preschool so that you have a few mornings just for baby and you. In the early days you really need someone to be with you (either your partner or family member) as after giving birth it is especially difficult to cope with the demands of two. One other practical tip is get a stairgate for your room or dc1s room. This might not apply to you but when i had dc2 if I ever needed to leave baby alone to go to the loo or shower I would put baby 2 in my room and put the stair gate on so i did t have to worry about dc1 potentially hurting the newborn. That helped particularly in the early days. Now dc2 is a lot stronger and dc1 has learnt how to handle baby safely (though cant always be trusted) its not as vital.

Congratulations by the way

If preschool is not an option try to get put and about to mother toddler groups, baby groups etc. My worst days are when Im at home all day with them. The thing that will really save your sanity is to get them both napping at the same time during the day which was easiest for me when I take them out in the buggy in the afternoon.

Me too! I have an almost 9 month old and am 7 weeks pregnant, I'm bricking it!

Congrats btw!

I get moments of panic when wondering how I will cope with my two year old and a newborn. Due Monday! A friend of mine said the worst that can happen really is they will both be crying at the same time and there will be poo and sick on the floor! I can imagine worse but probably not so common scenarios though! I get flustered and stressed quite easily particularly about housework so I think I will really really have to chill out about that in order to stay sane! I have to have a elcs so am really worrying about the recovery time in particular. X

I just started a similar thread in parenting!
My 2nd is due any day now and I got pregnant around my son's 1st birthday so he is 21 months now. I was seriously bricking it when I got the BFP. I don't know how I'm going to cope but I would say that DS has come on so much since I got that BFP that it will not be nearly as hard as I thought it would be at the time. For example he can now communicate with me, amuse himself for short periods, walk well and sometimes sleep through the night! None of which he could do 9 months ago. He's generally a lot more predictable too which helps.
Although it will be hard I can't wait till they play together which won't be that long!

I'm due in July and ds will be 19 months. I am somewhat shitting myself actually! Ds hasn't ever been in childcare and I really don't want to start him in nursery because of the cost (considering I'll be at home anyway)and I don't want him to feel pushed out but I've heard sooo many mums with two say it's the only way to cope. We're (hopefully) moving to a much better house for us, bigger and, most importantly with a garden which we don't have now- ds's present from his little sister is going to be some outside toys and a sand pit.
Dp is having 2 weeks Paternity but we've saved holidays so he can have a month if we need him to. He can also be a bit flexible when he returns about mornings or evenings. I've been stashing away cheap toys (nct sales, charity shops etc) so I can have lots of distractions for ds to try and keep him busy. I'm most worried about bf, sleep and the effect of ds.
Hearing people say "you must be mad, it's going to be unbearable" doesn't really help!

I'll have 3 under 3 in Dec. I found my first very tough but the 2 under 2 is fine. DS is now older and communicating better which makes things easier, I also don't have to keep him in view at all times. He can play away in any room downstairs and I don't need to monitor him like a baby anymore. Dd is a bit clingy at 8 mts which is a pain but that too will pass. You'll be fine but do try to get out and about every day. Sounds difficult now but is easier than you think.

I had two under two. They are now nearly 2 and nearly 4.

The first month is hard, I won't lie. You have to get used to having a newborn again plus the demands of a. Toddler.

After the first month, and you're used to things a bit, it's a lot easier. Honestly! Do be prepared for your toddler to show their jealously in a non obvious way. For me, DC1 started waking up hourly. It was hard but we got through it!

Things start getting a bit more tricky when DC2 started rolling/crawling. Id find a DC at each end of room causing trouble.

My youngest is nearly 2 and eldest nearly 4 now and it's great. Don't get me wrong, some days Thwy make me want to pull my own hair out and scream but then you see the moments when they are sitting together reading a book. It's definitely worth it. They do fight (yes physically fight!) just as much as they play together but I can honestly say the best thing I ever did was to have them close together. They are the best of friends.

There's 18m between my two. ds1 was an IVF conception. Ds2 was a natural surprise! To say I panicked was an understatement. We live 200+ miles from any family help.
Ds1 stayed with his childminder for 2 mornings a week which was a massive help and he really enjoyed doing "big boy" stuff which I couldn't manage at home with a newborn in tow.

Life with two little ones is fairly relentless but not really in a bad way. The first 6 months was a whirlwind but after that we were fine. I found DS1 hard work as a newborn but second time round it was all much easier.

There are pros as well as cons to a small age gap so focus on those:

• your first child will adapt more quickly and be less jealous than an older one would
• they're more easily entertained by simple activities when you're busy with baby
• you're not juggling school run/brownies/play dates at the same time

My two are 4&5 now and usually get on great. It's soooo much easier that they agree on stuff like tv programmes, trips out etc rather than having to juggle the needs of two children of very different ages. You will manage and you might even find you enjoy it

Thank you for this thread hullywully!
Great to hear some encouraging replies. DS1 is 10 months & I'm about 6+5w. I have many moments of thinking "what have I done/am I going to do?" but moving's comment about their DCs being best friends gives me hope & makes me go all warm inside. Blooming hormones!

Thank you for this thread. DS will be 13 months when DC2 is born. He was premature so I don't think he'll be toddling, but you never know. I'm also bricking it at the same time as being delighted about having 2 babies and am currently in double buggy shopping hell (I hate buggy shopping)
I have no idea if this is good advice or not yet but I've been advised to go where the older one wants mainly as a newborn will be able to tag along to most activities and will hopefully sleep a fair bit.
Hoping DS sleeps through before October...

I have a 22 month gap and no nursery until eldest turned three - it is perfectly doable - the first six months are fairly easy, you are just tired so it seems worse but you can do more on autopilot when it isn't your first. Get a sling, get out the house to things and have a structure, otherwise it can drag a bit. Get the older one the help out with things like nappy changes, or change/feed their dolly alongside so they aren't excluded. We're now 18m in, my eldest can't remember ever not having a sibling and they both prefer playing together to one-on-one time with mummy (which I was expecting to be a treat)!

The hardest bit was when DC2 first gets on the move and starts showing an interest in the toys that DC1 thinks belong to them. However, by this point you will have found your groove and way of handling it.

My main advice is to just think about where you are at, so for now just handling a toddler while you are pregnant. Nearer the time prepare by getting to the local toddler groups (then DC1's routine will be the same, she will see other children with their baby siblings and other people will want to hold the baby and bring you tea). Don't worry about DC2 crawling or anything until you actually have to deal with it. Congratulations and good luck (it's good fun as well)!

Wow what a great response. Tagged amazing and it's actually made me feel a bit better. I plan on getting out a lot. My first was prem and I suffered with PND to know how important it is to get out and about and feel like I'm getting some sun and fresh air. I am looking into double buggies too although I'm thinking about just getting a buggy board. Anyone else think these are a good idea? I'm also THINKING ABOUT ASKING MY MIL to still take DD1 a couple of mornings a week. She does this now whilst I work so it seems ok to ask her right? Surely she'll want to still help out and it is only twice a week.

Oh and I'm also having a ELCS so am worried about running after a 20 month old and trying to b/feed a baby. I hated breastfeeding first time round. I mean hate it!!!!!!

Hi my dd was 19 months when I had ds. as other posts said it's not easy however I found bedtime the biggest struggle of the day trying to settle them both down. my dd wasn't used to going to bed awake and used to fall asleep on the sofa next to me. I go so stressed out over it. in the end I set a routine and stuck to it. within a week both were settling down properly that was the best thing I ever did. now they're 7 and 5 and I'm expecting no.3.

hully.....congrats on the pregnancy. my DS is 21 months and I am 38 weeks pregnant. I too am freaking out as my ds is going through the terrible twos and temper tantrums at the mo. In regards to the buggy I was going to by a buggy board but I dont think I can trust my ds to stand on the board as we do a lot of walking ect. I have heard a few mums talk about a sling for baby while your older one is in the pushchair.

My ds is very active and walks alot but I would rather have my OH with me if he were to walk incase he run off anywhere.

I like you are having a elcs, thats if I dont go into labour naturally by 28th May.

Good luck with everything. x

My eldest two are 15 months apart. I won't lie and say it was a walk in the park, but with a little commitment to being organised it is perfectly doable. Stuff like laying their PJs for that night out first thing in the morning, washing and sterilising in batches if you end up bottle feeding, and a good bedtime routine is a godsend. It will pay off, having two close together though - the both play beautifully together now (most of the time, anyway!) and they will be into the same sorts of things / developmental stages at near enough the same time and are great company for one another. Congrats!

I had two under two (the age gap was 21 months) and I definitely found it easier than the first time around with just one. Even before they played together, my eldest would entertain the baby and he was fascinated just watching her, so gave me time to make dinner etc. I'd definitely second the suggestion of getting their naps I sync where possible! But even on the tough days, their closeness makes up for the stress!

I didn't have my eldest in preschool until my second was about a year old - but I'm glad that they are both at pre school now as I'm expecting baby no 3 in 5 weeks and find running after two preschoolers hard going!

Congratulations - it'll all be fine!

I have a 2.5 year gap, and no 2 was EMCS. It's tough, especially initially, but doable. Agree with pps that getting the eldest into some kind of childcare if at all possible, and if not there already, will be helpful. Remember if you're on ML, you're considered to be working for childcare tax credits purposes, and the childcare vouchers scheme is still open for new entrants til August this year. Either or both could really help. DC1 goes for 9 hours a week, £55 including food, and we pay jus under half that.

I will say that sling may not be an option for a while if you're having a section. That was a big part of my plan, but 13 weeks on, stomach is still sufficiently sore and sensitive that it's not been an option. Baby's feet hurt where they touch me, when in the moby. Admittedly that was an EMCS, ELCS may be a different kettle of fish.

Harvest moon- big congratulations. You must be superwoman!

Lady- are childcare vouchers based on income? We are in the middle bracket so rarely get help with anything!!

You will be fine. Definitely get a double buggy though! 20 months gap here and I used a double for over a year! The extra seat is handy for carrying your stuff if your big one is walking! I would recommend out and about nipper! Slinging the baby helped me loads too, meant I could carry on with toddler groups, housework etc just carried the baby around.

Try and keep your big one napping as long as you can. I had a year of double naptimes and it was the big thing ever!!

See how you go with the section. I had EMCS and E's happily carrying baby in a ring sling (nice and high away from scar) at 5 days old. 2 weeks on and I honestly felt almost normal again. Everyone's recovery is different of course but you could have a straightforward time of it!