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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Newly pregnant and terrified!

7 replies

icecoollulu · 11/05/2015 02:36

Okay I will start by saying hi, I'm new here but have been lurking. You seem like a nice bunch, and not sure where else to go. I've spoken to my friends, but they are understandably wary to advise me, or else so excited on my behalf that it's difficult to speak to them.

I am very newly pregnant, took a home test and have had it confirmed by my doctor. Am not quite a month gone yet so very early days. Apart from a select few close friends, am being careful who I tell since so much can go wrong early on. Very mixed feelings. Had a (very reluctant) abortion with a previous partner and swore to myself that will never happen again. So there is no question about keeping it.

My problem is the father. I don't know him. or rather, I know who he is, but we met, had a few nights together...and then he just ceased contact. I know this person is afraid of commitment, it's something we spoke in depth about. So I'm not really surprised at the sudden silent treatment.

I realise I need to tell him, and am absolutely terrified. I feel like I'm going to ruin his life, as silly as that sounds. I have no idea how he'll react, or whether it's too early. Initially wanted to wait until after first scan but am finding it is all I can think about. Don't want to do something I might regret though, or do something for the wrong reasons.

Anyway thanks for reading. Not expecting anyone to magically solve this, but any thoughts would be very greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
KensingtonRose · 11/05/2015 03:07

I think you need to tell him, he has a right to know and he may surprise you by stepping up and wanting to go to the scan. He might not, but deserves the opportunity to do the right thing.

Start by saying you appreciate it's a shock, you wish to keep the baby and he can be a involved as he wants.

Most importantly, look after yourself and enjoy your pregnancy... oh and congratulations!

willnotbetamed · 11/05/2015 07:20

Congratulations! I don't have any really good advice I'm afraid but I do know that feeling terrified is worse with pregnancy hormones in your system. I found the whole of the first 12-14 weeks really tough emotionally, particularly in my second and third pregnancies (both planned) - I drove myself to tears worrying about everything that could go wrong and thinking that I really didn't want to be pregnant or have a baby. I knew deep down it was irrational, because the pregnancies were wanted, and after the first trimester I went back to my normal self and started to look forward to the new baby, but those couple of months were very ropey. I think you are completely right to feel you have to tell the father, and it's not really fair to put it off, but if he broke off contact with you and you're feeling very fragile now, you could wait a little bit longer before you tell him (as long as you are sure his reaction won't affect your decision to keep the baby). It's definitely something that will be easier if you're feeling emotionally stable.

Not sure if that helps much. Good luck with your pregnancy and with delivering the news...

LorryHen · 11/05/2015 07:45

You will need to tell him. One because he needs to know and two because when you have your first midwife appointment they need to know his family history and any hereditary diseases.

Also if you are a carrier for something like sickle cell, which they test for at 8-10 weeks, the baby could be at risk if he is too and he might require testing.

Sorry for the serious answer but it is important.

Good luck with everything xx

Bayswaterbelle · 11/05/2015 08:02

Hi there, congratulations!

When I found out I was pregnant I was scared and confused and a lot of other emotions.....starting to feel happy took a while. I also find I've been fixating on one problem at a time, attempting to control things I thought I could, because of this massive thing happening that I can't control!

Yes, I think you need to tell him, but I don't think you need to tell him right away. Give yourself a week or two to gather your thoughts and work out what you want to say (and ask him). It's still early days so cut yourself some slack, start taking folic acid if you aren't (one thing you can control) and get as much sleep as you can.

As for your friends and support network, are you close to anyone else who's also had an abortion? It might help if you could talk to other people who've made a similar decision.

I think it's great that you know you want to keep this baby, hold on to that and it will help to put your other fears into perspective.

icecoollulu · 11/05/2015 12:40

Oh my gosh, thank all of you guys so much! Every one of your messages has something to offer. The practical, health side of telling is something I never even considered and it is very comforting to hear from people who have been just as scared, confused and emotional as I have been.

Anyway, you guys inspired me so I contacted the guy this morning and had the most pleasant surprise. He could not have been more supportive. Am stunned really, is the very last reaction I expected. We're very much on the same page about it.

Thanks again xxxx

OP posts:
LorryHen · 11/05/2015 12:49

Oh fantastic! I'm glad he is being supportive that is a big relief for you.

Good luck with your decision and if you have any other questions there are always ladies on here with advice! X

MummyPiggy87 · 11/05/2015 16:17

I just read the whole thread and I'm
Glad there was a happy outcome, I hope you get all the support you need throughout and good luck xx

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