Stressed, distressed and utterly fed up!

[Angie611]

I'm just writing this message because I am so stressed, upset and frightened and no one around me can truly understand. This may be a long one...

I'm having identical twins and last week at my 20 week scan I was diagnosed with severe Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. DH and I were totally devastated (I rarely see him cry but he was crying even in front of hospital staff, as was I). Anyway we were very lucky because I was referred for surgery the following day and I underwent the laser ablasion surgery to split the placenta that my twin girls were sharing. The surgery went fine and the consultant was lovely. That was a week ago and my twins are still doing fine (I had a scan 2 days ago and the specialist doctor was very happy).

However I am still feeling totally stressed out and upset by the last week I've had. My DH thinks everything is going to be fine now but I am terrified. I bought a fetal heart monitor and use it everyday to check my babies are still hanging in there. Added to all this stress I am supposed to be 'relaxing' and 'taking it easy' which I find very difficult. I'm having to leave all the housework to DH which is frustrating as hell!

Also I'm suffering with back pain so I can't even sit or lie comfortably. Or do anything to relieve the boredom like reading or knitting (my favourite hobby) because however I sit I'm in pain. I just don't know how to get through this time. I'm suffering physically and mentally and don't know how to relieve any of it.

Hi Angie,

That sounds so horrid, you poor thing! It sounds like the worst of it all is over but I expect you're still in a bit of shock and trauma from it all. Could you speak to your midwife and see if they can refer you for some counselling? I think talking about your worries and fears would really help. I know it's so easy to say relax when you obviously can't but I think it's important to try to be kind to yourself eg have a nice bubble bath or go for a swim - something that will naturally make you feel calmer. I'm afraid I have no experience at all that can help you but I will suggest hypnobirthing soundtracks - simply because they are really calming and soothing and positive mentally and that might help. Sending positive thoughts xxx

I don't really have a particular midwife. But yes I agree it would help to have someone to talk to, even just to let off a bit of steam. I'm a naturally anxious person and I worry a lot. I just want my babies to be born safely and be healthy.

Aw Angie sounds like you have had a really upsetting time. I agree you should speak to your midwife about your concerns. I had a really good cry to my midwife last week and it made me feel lots better to talk to someone who understands your feelings more and can reassure you over things. Try and stay positive and look after yourself xxx

Hi Angie, sounds like a really stressful experience and I'm so glad for you that you were seen so quickly. Did you have the surgery at your local hospital or a specialist unit? You might be able to call them and ask if there's someone they recommend for you to speak with - sometimes local midwives have less experience of complex stuff and often the fetal medicine units have specialist midwives or links to specific counseling xx

That sounds horrendous! More so that you aren't able to off and do something to take your mind off things. There should be a specialist mental health midwife who you could talk to about the stress and worry? Worth talking to someone trained from both sides of it IMO.

Hi, What an upsetting, unsettling time you've had. You've got through it though, and it's all behind you. Just think, in less than 18 weeks, they'll be here, screaming their lungs out and you'll be up to your eyes in nappies. Please be positive and talk to your midwife, you'll still be in shock from the op.
Stay strong, you can do it :)

Thanks. I'll speak to one of the midwives on Friday about how I'm feeling. I had the op in Birmingham and I live in Manchester. Right now I'm a bit worried that I haven't felt so many movements in the last few days, but I've been able to pick up two separate heartbeats on the fetal Doppler. I hate this. I can't keep going to hospital every time I have a worry, I feel silly, but I can't help the constant worry 24/7.

Aww, OP, that sounds incredibly frightening and stressful . No wonder you're feeling anxious. It's great that the surgery went well and that your girls are both doing fine.

I think when you go through something like that in pregnancy (I didn't, but went into preterm labour and had a very premature baby, so I understand what it's like worrying about your unborn baby's health and life), not many people in real life can really relate to what you're going through and many of them will try to minimise things in an effort to be positive. So do carry on posting here if you need to get stuff off your chest. And yes, do speak to your midwife about your anxiety and specific worries (and also back pain), and ask her where to take it from there. It might also be worth posting on the Multiple Births board to see if anyone has had a similar experience:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/multiple_births

I know it's really difficult to take your mind off things, especially if you're finding sitting or lying down painful. Do you have any friends/family nearby who could come and cheer you up?

Also, please don't ever hesitate to get checked out. I'm not saying you need to, and it sounds like you've been getting good follow-up care. I just think that if anyone has a worry in a high-risk pregnancy, it's best to just get it checked out than sit at home thinking 'what if'.

It's horrible dealing with anything serious in pregnancy and you really have my sympathy.

Would it be worth trying to get an appointment with a physio/occupational therapist to help you find a way to be as comfortable as possible. It can only help with your recovery?

In terms of activity in a couple of weeks it'll be much easier to feel the babies move and that will help. It's not the same thing but I've had high blood pressure since the start of my pregnancy but it's coming down the more I feel the baby move.