I love my baby but hate being pregnant....

[ARV1981]

Hi, this is my first post. I'm 21 weeks pregnant, due mid-september.

I have wanted a baby for around three years though my husband and I only started trying last May. I thought it would take us longer to conceive than it did!

I've been getting mixed feelings. I want the baby - more than anything. I just hate being pregnant. I haven't had it that hard, either. I had virtually no sickness in the first trimester but did have a scary heavy bleed which was unexplained but proved not to be anything to worry about. I know I'm lucky.

A work colleague said to me the other day that she didn't realise I was pregnant and that I just looked fat. I was quite taken aback but pretended it didn't bother me - even joking about it and putting on a fake smile. It's been killing inside ever since.

As my bump grows I find myself looking at it and hating what I see. I have avoided looking at myself in the full length mirror without clothes on, until today that is...I went to buy new bras and so saw myself for the first time in around 2 months. I'm huge. I'm sure I look bigger than 21 weeks.

I've always been a size 10 (ish) since puberty and am lucky that I've never had to worry about my weight but now I just feel huge.

My husband doesn't want to have sex anymore (he's worried about hurting the baby) so I feel unattractive, fat and I know I'm going to get bigger and bigger. I wish I could be one of those women who love their pregnant bodies... but I'm not. I hate it.

Am I being normal or just melodramatic? Is it wrong to hate your bump? (but not the baby - I love that so much)

I'm with you here - baby no 2 and I did not start out from the same weight as #1. Had to go clothes shopping today and just felt and looked enormous. I actually lost weight in the first tri but it's all back now...

If it's any consolation, as the bump grew last time I felt less hideous. I think the second tri is an awkward stage. Nothing fits the way it's supposed to - not normal clothes, not mat clothes. You don't have the classic pregnant body yet, but your boobs have ballooned and second time around my ribcage has gone 'I'm not fighting this'. And your bump isn't talking back yet (or rather, poking its foot out to say hello).

So I think it gets a lot better, but you have my 17-week second-timer sympathies.

Your husband is being a git, though. We haven't done much in that line due to severe sickness, but your husband needs to get over it - and know how he's making you feel.

Its understandable hun I love my baby & am super excited about becoming a mum
But with all the changes stretch marks weight gain spots ect.. I don't feel attractive I'm always moaning to my boyfriend of how he won't find me attractive anymore because of how my body is changing he just says shut up & that he loves me & its all for the baby so dosnt matter tbh I find you always think its worse then it is xx

I feel the same at twenty weeks, this is my second pregnancy and I'm a petite girl, size ten also. I also don't like what I see at all, I hate feeling uncomfortable and am trying to hide my bump, I feel like people will be looking at my shape. Silly I know, as I think other pregnant women look fine. I just feel very self conscious.

I never felt the pregnancy joy. Couldn't wait to get the baby out. Also looked fat rather than blooming! Thankfully it is a pretty phase of your life with a definite ending. Unlike motherhood!

I am 37+5 days And my bump is the only thing ive liked about this pregnancy. The worst part of it for me has definitely been how bad my mental health has become (a whole other story) ... But physically this time round (2nd child but my son is 10 so bigger age gap) has been horrific to. I have totally let myself go. I've went from 11 stone to just over 14 I have stretch marks (and I never got any with my son). And I agree with second poster, I definitly felt better about the weight gain when you could see my bump. It takes the emphasis off the rest of my body (when I'm dressed) but when I'm naked I look hideous. I'm paranoid as anything when my other half sees me. It's horrible. I love my baby to and I feel guilty for feeling this way, but this pregnancy has been horrible, and once my baby is here I can guarantee that I will never ever have another. Luckily for me I'm having an ELCS on Thursday. Although scared, I can't wait not to be preganant anymore. My bump is so big now I'm in constant pain. Mix my bump, with my weight gain and I'm just a big, uncomfortable mess. Don't worry your not alone. I hope you start to feel better soon.

Thank you ladies - it's good not to be alone in this.

Jassy, my husband says he's scared of hurting the baby since I had that bleed. My identical twin delivered a stillborn baby a few years ago and he knows how terrified I am of that. I know he's being reasonable but it doesn't stop me still feeling ugly. I have talked to him about it and he's trying to be more loving. It's just difficult because he used to not get enough of me and now it's like we're asexual or something.

I wasn't an attractive teenager and I guess that's affected me into my adult life too. I always felt that my shape was ok though (I'm pretty sure I'm a "butter face") and that from a distance I'm not that bad - but now even that's gone!

I hope that maybe if my bump starts to look more like a baby bump and less like a beer belly I may start to feel better as it's obvious that I'm pregnant. I guess seeing it in a threeway full length mirror yesterday freaked me out and made me see how much I've grown.

I guess if I was to do this again, I wouldn't avoid looking at myself so the change would be gradual rather than a shock!

Halle berry - I'll be thinking of you on Thursday. I hope it all goes well for you and your lovely baby. X

Look op there are two types of women, those who love being pregnant and those who don't. I didn't, but really it's just a means to an end. I didn't really fully register I was having a baby with dd1 until she was born. Up to then it just felt like I was sharing my body with an alien parasite .

It's a cliche, but it will be worth it I promise

Yep I really don't enjoy being pregnant, just worry all the time and DH won't come near me with a barge pole. This is number two and he's taken to sleeping in the spare room 'so I can get a good nights sleep' . I also just look fat fatter at the moment

Will echo what others say about feeling better when the bump is properly in, yes it's more physically uncomfortable but you start to build a relationship with the squirmy bump and will become more tangible.

Oh and congratulations, come across to the September antenatal thread if you're looking for solidarity and a moan!!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2366372-September-crew-baby-bumps-are-appearing-and-were-emerging-as-team-blue-pink-or-yellow-Thread-8

Your work colleague by the way, is a complete twat. As was my sister when she told me post my DS 'you did get quite fat didn't you'. I didn't enjoy being pregnant either, but I did quite enjoy it when my bump really got big (from about 7 months) and it was really obvious. Stick with it.

Thank you tea - I posted there to say hi. It's good to read other people's journeys too. Just think, in September we'll all have tiny bundles of joy

Azquilith - shame on your sister! I bet she's just jealous. As for my work colleague, yes she is a twat! It still hurts though. Yesterday I felt like everyone in town was staring at my huge bump as though I am a circus freak. Husband says it's because a new life is exciting and wonderful and that's what people are looking at. But still!

OP I feel your pain. I have always desperately wanted kids and was so sure I'd love every second of pregnancy.... but I'm not enjoying it at all.

I love the baby so much and I'm thrilled to be pregnant but I've been poorly for 25 weeks, my skin and hair are horrific, I look huge, I have no sex drive etc etc.

I'm starting to feel marginally better now that my belly is starting to look pregnant rather than fat but I still feel pretty crap. I'm counting down the days until my due date and keep telling my DH that I've changed my mind about wanting 3 kids!!