Terrified this depression will never lift and I'm having a nervous breakdown ��

[Halleberry]

I've posted about my depression before but I feel like im getting worse. I'm 5 days away from having my lovely second little bundle of joy and I feel so isolated and depressed it's scaring me. So much has happened in the last year (including moving house,planning a wedding for August,and having a baby) amongst other horrible family fights etc although all is ok with the family
Now. But this depression won't lift and hVe read about people who never combat it. I'm obsessed that I will be one of these people. Every night I pray that tomorrow will be a better day and I wake up thinking about how I feel and lookig for signs I'm still depressed and low and behold they are there. What If this is my life from now on? I'm on low doze of meds becauE of pregnancy but I am fighting against them and I don't know why it's like I can't stop the negativity no matter how hard I try. It's making me sick to my stomach becauSe I am changing as a partner and a mother and in frightened of what the future holds. I keep saying to fight it and get up and do something but being so heavily oregnant an sore makes even that more difficult. I get no pleasure from anything at all. Not a thing. Even watching a good film is tarred with anxiety and this guy wrenching feelif of sadness. What if it's a break down and I am one of the ones who never ever feels happy again I'm worried sick I will be that one in 50 who never gets well.

I think I recognise your name. Sorry to bring this up, but are you the poster who's posted a lot about not being sure whether the baby was your partner's? If so, I really hope you can get some closure when the baby is born.

Yes I had that worry but I don't feel like this is what this is. The depression I feel is like nothing else. I'm on the verge of suicide and I'm having to make sure I'm around people to stop muself doing anything silly

It sounds like you are dealing with a hell of a lot. Even with the happiest mindset in the world, anyone would struggle with such big life changes, so you're doing really well to be getting through so far.
Depressing really is such a horrific illness to deal with and one that is hard for ithers to understand.
Remember it's normal to be feeling a certain amount of what you're currently feeling. And you have done crazy assed hormones raging through your system that will be offsetting rational thought and emotions.
Are you getting enough support from your health team? Are you comfortable talking to them openly about how you are feeling?
Yiu know yourself better than anyone and you know how tough the dark days are. But try not to put pressure on yourself hoing that you'll wake up tomorrow feeling a million times better. Be kind and try to focus on each day becoming a little brighter than the one before. It will get better. Just pleae reach out and ask for the help you need.
Well done for being brave and sharing your struggle on here. I'm sure there'll be other posters along soo for hand holding and advice / support.

The last year has been one of the hardest of my life and then fling falling pregnant into the mix and your left with a shell (me)... I get lots and lots of support from MW and mental health team and a specialist psychiatrist and family and medication .. None of it is working. That's why I think I'm goinf to be this way for life. Because I get more help love and support than most and I'm STILL dragging muself through each day in utter turmoil x

Bear in mind once you have given birth there will be a lot more medication you can take, if your current low dose as isn't helping. Sometimes giving birth can help the depression lift as well, it did for me.

Claravine did you feel like after giving birth you felt better? At the moment I'm also very very sore and have no energy or get up and go and I wonder if that is making my mood worse x

Be kind to yourself...don't be so hard on yourself. Depression comes and goes. As you are receiving treatment it should lift at some point. In the meantime, be compassionate to yourself and give your soul a break. You have to sort of accept it's happening and tell yourself in your head that you are lovely and that you will get better, but that it might take a bit of time. You've had a crap year and this is the result.

I felt twenty per cent.better after starting on Prozac in third trimester, fifty per cent better after giving birth and eighty per cent better about three months post partum.in terms of my antenatal anxiety. The low self esteem took longer to lift I admit. Have you had your iron levels checked recently. Ironically physically.i.found pg easy as I was mid twenties and slim