Freaking out

[TheMasterNotMargarita]

So, I just found out I'm 6 weeks pregnant.

I'm nearly 40. DH is nearly 50. We have DD 8.

We discussed another child about a year ago and decided things were fine as they are and whilst I was upset, I agreed that it was best for us.

And now we are shocked but I think we are happy. But I'm freaking out about how we will cope. We don't have any family to help out and tbh that was quite a factor in our deciding not to have another child. It was tough when DD was little, now we are just getting things on track, being able to spend some time together.

I work FT, so does DH (he was a SAHD until DD started school)...neither of us are very young (also a big factor in our decision). How will DD cope after being the only one for so long?

I don't even know what I'm asking, I guess I just want to get it out. I don't want to tell anyone else yet in case anything goes wrong.

AGH!!!

Everything will be ok. You can cope. DD can cope.

You just need time to get used to it.

Thank you.
At least now I know why I feel so rubbish and want to sob at random inappropriate moments!

DD will be fine, we have a 6 year gap between out two, and will be 8 years between DD and our new one, don't worry at that age I bet she will be thrilled

Congratulations! That will be a lovely age gap. And second time around things won't be as tough I'm sure. We're expecting our second with a 7 year age gap after agreeing last year that we'd stop trying and settle at one.... Then surprise!! Was really shocked for ages, and at 20 weeks i still can't quite believe it! Just let the news settle and I'm sure you will make whatever decision is right for you.

Thank you very much. I just feel so wobbly and unlike myself.
I am a bit of a control freak so it has really knocked me.
We halfheartedly discussed not going ahead but I think we both know that it isnt an option for us.
Congratulations to you too ovumahead.

Master if it's any help I nannyed nannied?? for a family whose son was 2 weeks old, and whose daughter was 9. It was so lovely to see such excitement and love for a sibling, because she was old enough to truly appreciate it.

(Plus, think of all the free babysitting )

Aw don't worry 40 is a lovely age to have children, my aunt had hers at 40 and 42. Your DD is at the age now she can help you, and she can do things for herself which also help you out. The age gap will also be 8 years for my DS when this one is born, and he's so exited! Congratulations x

Glad you're feeling a little better. Control freakery and pregnancy are a stressful combination even when planned! What's worrying you most? Lack of family support or age gap, or something else? Maybe write a list of your worries and then start to problem solve the ones that are in your control... The others you'll have to work hard to accept /let the go... Good luck with it all x

Everything!
We will have to use childcare so the financial cost will be a lot for us. We are just getting on our feet after DH not working for a long time and enjoying not stressing over money.
Our ages, it was tricky enough with DD and I felt like an older mother then. DH was exhausted first time round, he has some health issues which probably won't get better with age.
No support network.

Nothing is unmanageable, Im worrying about random stupid things like how I will manage to put them both to bed (DH does shifts). Taking dd to activities with a baby in tow.
I know other people manage, I'm being ridiculous. Just in a tizz.
Thanks for taking the time to reply, it's nice to hear good things x

Hello there - just posted almost exactly the same thing. 39 with 2 dcs, 9 and 7. So freaking scared.

I'll hold your hand if you hold mine :)

Hi Softcookie.
That would be lovely.
We are away this week so going to discuss everything properly but DH seems to have it all worked out and Im just dazed.
How are you feeling?

Good morning, how are you feeling today? I've had a awful weekend, couldn't sleep a wink. I cannot find the excitement anywhere in me, just a terror of the unknown. I keep looking at my dds, their perfect developing personalities, the fullness of our lives... And cannot conceive of another.

Terrified of starting again with nappies, sleepless nights, disciplining a toddler...

And to be honest this huge paralysing fear of something being wrong with the baby. I have never been this scared, it's almost a phobia. Some of the things I'm thinking, I'm even ashamed to write them down.

I have booked an appointment with my doc for Friday to talk through options. It's going to be a long week...

Hiya. I know how you feel it's awful isn't it? I haven't even made a gp appt yet. I feel like once I do it makes it more real somehow.
Have you discussed it with your partner? DH has been brilliant tbh. I was not expecting him to react the way he has so he has calmed me down a bit.
If you need to chat then you can pm if you don't want to talk here. I have swung from one extreme to the other in the last week and feel so guilty for the thoughts that run through m y mind, so I understand xx

Be kind to yourself x