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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

DH drinking - am I unreasonable?

10 replies

MSMB · 30/04/2015 01:29

I've found pregnancy really hard both physically and emotionally. Initially I was very sick and in and out of hospital, now at 33 weeks we had a house fire last week and have had to move in with my parents for 6 weeks whilst the damage is fixed. I have really struggled this week emotionally to cope with losing our home and lots of our possessions inc lots of our baby things.
DH from day one has continued throughout thepregnancy to go out with friends quite a bit. I've not said much to him but I do find it quite selfish (am I wrong?) Anyway, from 30 weeks I suggsted he avoided drinking when out incase I needed him/baby arrived early. He agreed at the time but hasn't stuck to it and tonight nipped out to see a friend and came home at 1am quite drunk. I feel that when I feel so down and alone he has been really selfish and I'm really upset but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable?

OP posts:
justonemoretime2p · 30/04/2015 01:36

You aren't wrong, it is selfish.
BUT you need to tell him about this ASAP, he might not realise how hard this is making it for you.

popalot · 30/04/2015 13:31

He needs to focus on you and baby, rather than going for a drink. Especially after the house fire - that sounds horrendus. I'd be a bag of nerves! He is being selfish. You've given him a really good reason not to get pissed. And who wants to deal with a drunk when they are pregnant, let alone with all that has happened! He needs to sort it out!

Nolim · 30/04/2015 13:35

Have you told him how disappointed you are about getting drunk last night?

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 30/04/2015 13:35

There was another similar thread I'll see if I can find it as lots of good advice on there.
I think men often think due dates are set in stone. I was in hospital at 35 weeks and a very quick emcs.
People will say about driving etc but the main thing is if he's your birth partner, he will not be allowed in drunk.
Sounds like you're having a rough time too and need some support

WhatsForYeWontGoByYe · 30/04/2015 13:36

It sounds like what you're looking for is his support, rather than abstinence. Personally, at 30 weeks, I wouldn't want to put too many restrictions on my DH - seems too early. You could have a couple of months before anything starts to happen! From 36/7 weeks I'd definitely be telling him to take it easy.

But maybe what you need to do is talk to him about supporting you better. If he was doing that properly, you wouldn't feel the need to stop him going out so much.

CaspianSea · 30/04/2015 14:30

Maybe he's drinking and going out as a way to cope with stress/anxiety? Or because he knows he won't be able to once baby arrives?

I'm 20weeks and have HG that's improving now but was awful initially. DH is very supportive but he finds it stressful, and I wouldn't deprive him of drinking or seeing friends. If he was coming home very drunk or very late it would upset me, but I don't mind him having a few drinks after work with friends, as long it's not more than 2-3 times a week. I know if I needed to go to hospital for any reason and he'd been drinking, we could get a taxi.

applecore0317 · 30/04/2015 15:45

My DH didn't start the no drinking thing until this week, as am now 36 weeks so we felt it was sensible. I've been at risk of pre term labour since 24 weeks but have mainly been playing it by ear. However, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a little more support and understanding giving what you have been through with the house fire.

I think sometime because they aren't carrying the baby they forget that our lives completely change for nine months and theirs just carries on as normal in comparison.

Maybe have a chat with him and discuss how this makes you feel. I regularly reminded my DH that whilst I didn't mind him going out, every weekend was a bit much, and to consider the fact that it's quite frustrating for me.

TheJiminyConjecture · 30/04/2015 15:56

I think you're being a little bit unreasonable but with everything that has happened I can see why!

I'm 36 weeks myself and I wouldn't expect dh to completely abstain for the remainder of my pregnancy. However, I know he's only having a few drinks here and there so would be capable of being my birth partner should he be needed.

I've had HG throughout and although I've been a bit jealous of the fact he can go out etc , I don't begrudge him it because he's been fab support. If he'd been useless I'm sure I'd feel otherwise!

SolidGoldBrass · 30/04/2015 16:03

I can see both sides here. Don't forget that he has lost his belongings and his home after the fire, as well - and may feel that he can't let you see that he is distressed by this. You are not being really unreasonable to want more support from him, but he is not being wholly unreasonable by wanting to spend some time with his friends.

Original poster
MSMB · 30/04/2015 19:54

Thanks all for your advice I've had a really good chat today with him which made us both feel lots better. It's been hard to get any time to ourselves since the fire with living with parents. I need to appreciate that it's been a hard time for him too and he need to unwind and equally he realised how stressed and down I've been. Hopefully we can both start to try and relax and look forward x

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