Sick of all the doom and gloom...

[ExcitedA3]

Hi ladies, excuse me while I have a rant!
I'm 14 weeks pregnant, 28 years old and fairly fit and active. I have a lovely husband and we are both so very excited about our first baby! Except EVERY bloody person I seem to come into contact with recently feels the need to tell me how hard it's going to be, how much sleep I'm NOT going to get etc... Moan moan moan, I feel like it's a bit of a "I've been there I've done that and you're going to struggle... " It's so very frustrating and just feels like people pissing on my bonfire all the time! I'm under no illusion that it's going to be a very tiring and testing time for the both of us but please let me have my moment!!! Am I being too sensitive? Anyone else experienced this? What do you respond to the people who are like that?

I know exactly what you mean. If it wasn't "your life is over" it was horror stories about their/other peoples births. I just shrugged it off after about the 50th person. Some people can be so negative.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

It is hard to listen to but it's generally well meant.

Life post baby can be rather a shock. People often think 'why didn't anyone tell me xxx?'

So that's all it is, they are trying yo prepare you for the things they weren't prepared for.

The problem is, until you have a baby, you have no idea The realities of parenthood. You van't really be told in advance, you've got to experience it.

The other thing of course is that everyone's experience is different. Not all babies cry all the time or don't sleep, not all toddlers throw constant tantrums, not all teenagers are stroppy.

Smile and nod and then ignore!

I agree with Eigg but it is annoying, I admit. Can you try and turn the conversation round so you learn from it? So what DID help them sleep? What DID help the colic? What DID help stick your vag back together?

Yeh I don't get why people do that either. Being a parent is brilliant, and I don't find it that tiring or testing in all honesty. It's hugely significant and different, but that doesn't need to be negative. But in most situations it's very hard to say that lest you'd be accused of bragging or gloating. Which is perhaps why you don't hear it. Congratulations and enjoy!

Thanks ladies, I will take all the advice I can get. But it just seems that this is not advice just general moaning!
I shall try and turn it around by asking questions, good idea. Generally though I just want someone to say something like aww it's wonderful being a parent, hard work but worth it!

Excited before long you'll be hearing all the horror stories of giving birth!
BTW being a parent is hard, but also brilliant! Congrats on your pregnancy

I know exactly what you mean, it's so frustrating. I find that my MIL is the worst person for it!! She's always going on about how traumatic her labour was and how it's the hardest thing ever and it's not like period type pain that everyone says its like. I just say to her now that everyone's different and I don't know what's it's going to be like until it happens - that usually shuts her up xxx

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

For what it's worth, it's been the hardest thing I've ever done and DS STILL isn't sleeping through at 16 months

BUT

It's been the most amazing, funny, sweet, brilliant thing ever and despite the occasional sleep deprived haze of the early days. Nothing smells quite as fantastic as your own newborn and it is fascinating to watch your baby grow into a little person. I fall in love with my DP all over again every time I see him with my little boy!

The best advice I had was to not make sleep deprivation a competition- there are no winners of you and your DP are constantly comparing who is more tired/has it worse!

I'm pregnant with number 2 now and can't wait to do it all again!

(And even though it didn't go AT ALL to plan, I had a really positive birth experience !)

Good luck, it can be tough, I think that's what lots of people are ham fistedly attempting to say but there is every chance you will love almost every minute.

Let me tell you, if I may, the one bit of advice that you won't follow: "sleep when they sleep". This will not work. You will spend approx. 90% of the time they are asleep staring at their beautiful, angelic, sleeping faces wondering how on earth you made that amazing tiny perfect person and will then pass out from tiredness just as said baby wakes up screaming wanting a nappy change, food and a hug. All at once. Now.

But you won't be the first new parent not to follow that bit of advice!

Enjoy . Congratulations

I had all that with my 1st, my son ended up being the best baby ever, he slept through the night at just a few weeks old, and then ever since never cried just made a little noise when he wanted something and is a very good child. So they can say all they like but each child is different just ignore them, try not to let it get to you.

I gave birth to my second 8 days ago, she's currently all content and snuggled up completely milk drunk on my chest!

People seem to remember the bad rather than the good and for some people moaning is the easiest form of conversation for them.

I can't even begin to tell you how amazing that first moment you meet your child is, or how you'll just melt when they lay there looking at you lovingly, or no matter how old and independent they are that they will make you absolutely swoon when they say something particularly sweet or grown up, or how your heart will burst with pride every time you think about them, or how much your heart will break when someone is horrible to them...

Just ignore the negative moany pants for now! Trust me, the positives far far outweighs the negatives

I'm 20 weeks and finding this as well. Someone actually said to me that if they had their time again they wouldn't have had their daughter! I can't believe someone would say that to me - especially someone who I'd met for the first time that day! How is that helpful?!

I had this when I was pregnant 1st time and they had me convinced it would be tough in ways I couldn't imagine. I promise you, they were wrong. I've loved every day. Now he's 15 months and I'm expecting no.2. Everyone's saying how much harder it'll be with 2!
It'd better be, I was always up for a challenge and I absolutely can't wait.
Babies are amazing and really not very complicated. Enjoy your pregnancy x

Ch1134 - that's beautiful :) I love it. Thank you so much for sharing x

I just laugh it off and say oh god I know, what were we thinking?! Friends with children have told me (and I really hope they're not all lying) that yes it is the hardest thing they have ever done, yes they have cried, yes they have thought at times that they have made a mistake and can't cope and yes they had never thought it was possible to be so tired. But all of them say it is totally worth it and they wouldn't change it for anything. So I don't really care what people say, it was a decision that we made with our eyes wide open so I am sure that we will learn to cope with what it throws at us.

I'm with you OP. I'm 22 weeks and I get it a lot from my older work colleagues. They don't talk about all the fantastic bits parenthood brings so it's been really lovely reading all the comments on this thread! Thank you ladies! :)

I had this when I was pregnant with dd1 and was ready to punch people. I got told I'd wish I was still pregnant once she was born coz it would be so awful, that I'd never sleep again, never go out again, never be able to wear nice clothes etc.
it does change your life, it does mean sacrifices but it's almost a gradual change. I didn't find it a shock to the system tbh. I hadn't slept well for the last two months of pregnancy so I actually got more sleep with a newborn.

My first dd had bad colic and a terrible sleep regression at 4 months which lasted till 7 months. It still wasn't as bad as people made out. My dd2 is 11 weeks and has reflux and is a terrible feeder. It's still not as bad as people made out lol.
With baby no2 you're armed with the knowledge that each hard bit will pass and it doesn't seem as bad. You're also armed with the knowledge that the good bits pass too so you cling to every minute.