Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

Original poster

No intimacy whatsoever!

13 replies

lauraa4 · 27/04/2015 01:00

Please tell me I'm not the only one having this issue :(

I'm 18+4 and since finding out I'm pregnant my OH has no interest in being intimate with me at all. He says it's because he feels uncomfortable having a baby between us when we're... You know!?

I get what he's saying but I feel like he's going over the top with it to the point where we will literally just have a peck on the lips when leaving for work and getting home In evening. I feel like he finds me really unattractive and it's making me really upset.

I try and talk to him but he just says I'm being silly.

Sorry for the awkward post so late at night but I just wanted somewhere to vent and to check I'm not the only person.

OP posts:

toohardtothinkofaname · 27/04/2015 06:40

Hi laura,

I'm not as far along as you (4wks) but oh told me yesterday were not having sex for a while in case we 'unlodge' the baby. I've come to the conclusion men are just a bit weird & once they read up & understand what's happening they get it. After trying for 8m I'm thankful for the break!

Have a chat with him & tell him to actually listen rather than dismissing. Do this outside of the bedroom, the bed should never be for chats like these. And plan a romantic night.

Bustherb · 27/04/2015 07:01

I'm 30 weeks and my DH is exactly the same. I told him how it's making me feel and he does make an effort but we're not at it nearly half as much (maybe once every few weeks) but then I do bleed ever time so he's a bit worried about that which I can understand.xxx

lexyloub · 27/04/2015 08:30

Some women really go off sex when they're pregnant and would expect their OH to be understanding I think you should respect his wishes as I'm sure you'd expect him to if it was the other way round. You won't be pregnant forever your sex life will get back to normal after the baby.
I wouldn't be planning romantic evenings where you want it to lead to sex that's just putting pressure on him to do something he doesn't want to.

2015isgoingtobeBIG · 27/04/2015 08:32

You are not alone. I'm nearly at the end of this pregnancy and can count on one hand the number of times we've actually had full intercourse. When I spoke to my DH about it, when feeling exactly like you do, he said it was not only a bit weird for him to get his head round having sex when there were two babies inside me but it was also hard to forget about all the other discomfort I was in and he was worried he would hurt me. To be fair I have had SPD for most of the pregnancy so some positions would have been out and when he explained how he was feeling I could see why he would be worried. We've settled for intimacy that may just be kisses and cuddles most of the time but is actually nicer in some ways because it is more intimate than the kisses we'd have had as foreplay (not sure I'm explaining it very well). It also means I still feel attractive. It's not the same attractive but I'm happy.
Hope it helps to know you're not alone. X

Original poster

lauraa4 · 27/04/2015 08:53

Thank you for your posts I'm glad I'm not the only one :)

I think my hormones are playing a big part in this too so I'm going over the top with it and reading into it too much.

OP posts:

Littlemissjt · 27/04/2015 09:30

You're definitely not the only one. Hormones do have a lot to answer for. I had a stupid dream as well last night where dh left me after baby was born and I said in the dream that I should have expected it after the lack of intimacy. Was in a terrible mood when I got up!

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/04/2015 09:38

You are not alone. I'm trying to take it with grace and failing.

Choccyhobnob · 27/04/2015 10:05

Definitely not alone! 20 weeks now and have done it 3 times since we conceived at Christmas!! Driving me mad as I'm in the horny 2nd trimester lol

Original poster

lauraa4 · 27/04/2015 10:59

Choccyhobnob I know how you feel! First trimester all I did was work and sleep as soon as I got home. Now I'm feeling back to my normal self I would like some attention now and again. I do feel better since my first post though, having sat on the toilet last night for about half an hour hysterically crying I have now put most of it down to hormones. Still a bit grumpy with him today though

OP posts:

avocadotoast · 27/04/2015 13:58

We haven't had much either, but we are still very cuddly/affectionate in other ways so it doesn't bother me quite as much. Pretty much the whole first trimester I couldn't even consider the thought of sex so I think that set a bit of a precedent!

We haven't actually talked about it but I get the feeling DH is keeping a bit of distance as I've been having pelvic pain etc and he probably doesn't want to make it worse. Which puts the ball in my court (so to speak), but a lot of the time I'm too tired to even try!

Halleberry · 28/04/2015 10:52

Your not alone at all. I'm now 36 weeks pregnant. My other half and I still have sex once/twice a week and have done so throughout my whole pregnancy, but I've usually had to initiate it or moan that we don't have enough, in order for him to make an effort. The difference with us it that he claims he doesn't feel weird about it at all. He doesn't seem to have any reason for why he hasn't felt like it as much as before. So I'm left hurt and wondering of it's because I have put on weight and have some stretch marks ?? at least your partner has admitted he feels weird because your carrying a baby. That's a better sign than the other half not being able to give a reason and claiming it's not because they feel weird xx

Librarina · 28/04/2015 11:40

I listened to a really interesting podcast about sex as new parents and one of the presenters made the point that straight people think that the only 'real' sex is Penis-In-Vagina (PIV) sex, gay people don't think that way. So we think that everything else, licking and touching and fondling and stroking and doing yourself next to your lover doing themselves is a poor second, AND IT'S NOT! It's all brilliant and happy-making and brings you closer together, and it all counts as sex.

So maybe try some of that with him? Some of the things that feel nice to you but that won't dislodge the baby. (Which we know can't happen but the rational brain is sometimes overruled by our fears)

(The reason I was listening to the podcast is that I've been frightened of penetration in this pregnancy due to losing the previous one to miscarriage and I wanted to learn more to help myself feel better)

Rebecca1608 · 28/04/2015 14:19

During my first trimester my OH couldn't get enough of me. My body was still the same as i didn't really show until i was around 5 months. At around 6 months sex was becoming less frequent and the only person getting anything was him. I put up with it for a few weeks then told him I missed being intimate that we didn't really kiss. Cuddle or anything anymore and i just felt more like his housemate. That it wasn't fair he was still expecting me to touch him from time to time but not get anything in return and it made me feel fat and ugly. Unwanted. I have put on 2 stone Btw. He said it wasn't that and he still thought i was "sexy" it was because i was always tired and didn't want to pressure me and i also suffered terrible SPD and i didn't/couldn't move much during sex and he just felt wrong and the day after i was always worse. Like I was crippled. Sometimes struggled getting out of bed i was so sore. Now at almost 8 months with twins the SPD has completely gone and the intimacy is back and we try and get it on twice a week which still isn't much but better than nothing.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread