How to tell mum ��

[Bells2307]

Hi, I'm pregnant, 8 weeks. It was kind of planned, I'm married and 36 years old. My mum has always been anti me marrying and having children saying it ruins your life. Although she likes my husband she was totally unsupportive at our wedding and a nightmare. When I told her there would be children, she told me I'd struggle and I shouldn't have any. She tells others I don't want any!. She's now very ill and constantly makes me feel guilty about not caring for her (I have a full time job and work on my folks farm too) as I only have time to go round 2-3 times a week but phone her most days. I just don't know how I'm going to tell her were expecting, I just know she's going to be totally unsupportive again, I keep hoping for a normal nice mum who would be excited but I think I'm just going to be met with negative rants, sorry for the long post but if anyone has any advice on how to break the news I'd much appreciate it.

She doesn't want you to have a baby or husband because she wants to be the centre of your attention. I personally wouldn't tell her yet - wait until 12 weeks. It is exciting! So congratulations! Ignore her & live your life.
I would also start disentangling yourself from her life. You see her a lot!
Children are brilliant until they become teenagers

Congratulations.

Try saying we have some very exciting news, x and I are going to have a baby and we are very happy about it. If she says horrible things say if you can't say anything nice please don't say anything and then as soon as she saying anything negative tell her if she continue you will end the conversation/ leave.

It sounds like your Mum could be very controlling? Does she have MH issues? Has she always tried to control you?

Yes she is very controlling, and has mental health issues, not helped by her medication, I know it sounds sad, but I really could do with my mothers support. My husband is brilliant but I'd love to be able to count on her and talk to her about things.

You've got lots of mum's on here. I know it is not the same but we will listen.

Can you talk to MIL instead? Agree with others I would keep it from her for a while so as not to burst your bubble. Congratulations xx

Hi Bells, my friend had a similar situation with her mother and she contacted MIND (the mental health charity) to get some support for her Mum who know goes twice a week to a day centre - has new friends and activities to focus on.

She didn't even go to my friends wedding and I think hadn't seen her twin grandchildren until they were 3/4 but she's much better now and sees a physiologist every month and my friend goes with her and also has key workers - like carers nipping in which takes the pressure off family.
She got all this organised through her GP. Maybe this could be a plan? Then if this goes well and her frame of mind improves then tell her.

I know it's difficult but try to stay positive and don't let this aspect ruin your lovely news. If - even after some intervention she's still negative - try to keep introducing the idea - maybe take her to the shops if she's well enough or show her things online you're thinking of getting for the baby and let her think you value her advice a little (even if you are just going thru the motions as it were).

I'm 9 weeks and 35 too so most of my friends kids are starting High School now so I'm thinking of joining like an NCT group or something for extra support. My partner is great and my mum is too (altho she nurses my Dad so I don't want to stress her out too much!!!) but nice to have some other females to chat with.

I hope you manage to get something sorted as I know how difficult this will be for you but stay calm and hopefully things will progress in the right direction.

Bella x