All this waiting is so stressful...

[Tryingtowaititout]

Got a BFP on Friday. According to date of LMP I am 4+5 i.e. barely pregnant!

This is our first BFP after trying for about 7 months and I am 41. I tried to tell myself that no matter what happened it's a great sign to have conceived, but as the weekend went on and DH and I allowed ourselves to think ahead to the future I have been feeling more and more that I would be absolutely distraught if it doesn't stick.

Last night DH said something about "when you give birth" and I just had this awful feeling that this pregnancy was never going to get to that point. (I have explained the risks to him and he understands.)

I'm not feeling sick and I don't have any other symptoms apart from extremely mild (possibly imagined!) breast tenderness. I tried to reassure myself by doing another test this morning and the line was really, really faint, though I had got a medium strong line on a different brand the night before. I've got fairly constant dull cramps today, sort of low down on the right hand side; not painful and I wonder if I'd even notice if I wasn't being so hyper-vigilant.

I've made an appt at the doc for a couple of days' time, which will be bang on 5 weeks, though I know that she'll just do a test and then tell me to wait it out for longer, if it's positive.

Time seems to be in slow motion, I can't think about anything else and it's making me crazy. I need to concentrate on work and am not doing well at all...I think I may lose the plot.

Can ayone offer any tips for getting through the stress of this early stage?

My first tip would be to stop testing. I made a rule that I wouldn't, so I did one normal test and a CBD on the day I found out. Then four weeks later had a wobble and did another one due to no symptoms and then no more tests. All tests show up differently in the earlier days.

Another is to maybe see if there is anywhere private near you that you can get an early reassurance scan. I got this done at just under 9 weeks and it really helped me with the wait until my 12 weeks scan.

I also tried to keep myself busy by making plans at the weekends and finding stuff to do in the week, any projects or just something you enjoy doing.

Cramping pains are generally normal as everything is starting to stretch, but your doctor should be able to reassure you.

Congratulations!

Thanks applecore. I do keep reading about cramping and stretching, but then I also know that the embryo is the size of a poppy seed at the moment so I can't really believe that any stretching is happening just yet .

You're right about the testing, I do need to step away. Though the doc will of course do one when I go on Weds. What will be will be I guess, and stressing isn't going to help. I think that I'll definitely want an earlier scan, though even 9 weeks seems impossibly far away at the moment.

I think if I were even 5 years younger I'd be more relaxed but I don't feel we have unlimited time to try again.

Congratulations OP!

Firstly, stop panicking! Easier said than done I know. Early pregnancy is naturally a hotbed of worry for all of us. The odds of a successful pregnancy massively outweigh the odds of something going wrong even at this early stage so keep that in mind. With every day that passes the odds get better.

The sensitivity of tests vary by brand so ignore the strength of the line. A positive is a positive. Constant testing will just add to the anxiety though.

I suspect your Dr will just congratulate you and speak to you about folic acid, foods to avoid, etc., so hardly reassuring.

In my area private clinics will do an early pregnancy reassurance ultrasound from 8 weeks and I highly recommend getting one as it really helps with the worry. It varies by area but it's about £50 here. If you find a clinic who will do one earlier than 8 weeks I wouldn't get one any earlier than 7 weeks as there may not be a heartbeat yet so it won't reassure you. Statistically, once a heartbeat has been seen the odds of it going wrong drop massively.

I also found speaking to people in a similar situation in online forums such as this helped a lot.

Thanks cavort. I stupidly went out and bought a book last week when on the BFP high and it said "it has been estimated that one in five pregnancies confirmed with a test ends in miscarriage, rising to one in two for women in their early forties". So right now I think it's still about 50/50 for me unfortunately.

Statistics like that are only relevant on a population level. On an individual level they're largely irrelevant as we're all at different levels of reproductive health. According to statistics you should have struggled to get pregnant at all at your age but it sounds like you managed it just fine. There's no denying nature can be a total bastard at times, but have some faith in your body.

Thanks Cavort. I'm not a scientist but I am educated enough that I should know better than to get worried by a single sentence in a non-scientific book with no references to any study...

You're right, those 7 months felt like an eternity to me but it was actually pretty quick for my age I suppose, here's hoping I am truly bionic

I think everyone feels the same in the early stages. When we started trying to conceive I wouldn't let my DH talk about it actually happening in case we couldn't. I thought about all the years when I had been grateful for contraception 'working' and thought 'what if I just couldn't conceive all this time'. When we found out I was pregnant, I still wouldn't talk about the birth in case it didn't stick, and even now (at almost 39wks pregnant) I hate discussing plans for after birth, just in case it tempts fate and something goes wrong for me or baby.

I think it is a natural part of pregnancy to worry. I didn't have any symptoms at your stage but they hit with vengeance at 6wks, others have had nothing throughout the while pregnancy. A private scan is likely to be your best bet, I was told not to see my doctor so didn't see any professional until the midwife at 8wks and still no formal confirmation of the pregnancy until the scan at 12wks. Looking back it seems to have taken an age to get to this point, but equally it feels like time has flown by. Do you have any projects or work that you want to get done in your house before baby arrives? I have found this a great distractor, and a brilliant way to make us wish for more time rather than wishing the time away!!

Just to reassure you these kinds of concerns are not only age related! Lots of women panic and obsess about losing the pregnancy at the beginning. TBH I think spending time on forums and reading lots online makes it worse. It's a mixed blessing. On the one hand the support from mumsnet is invaluable for me, on the other I worry much more about things I didn't know existed and spend ages googling rare conditions! If you are the kind of person who is prone to worrying it doesn't make it any easier... Agree with the advice above about trying to distract yourself and think of it as a good sign that your conceived pretty fast. Btw, I don't know if your GP will test for you. Mine didn't and I've read quite a few posts by women expressing disappointment that theirs didn't. I think it's considered unnecessary as home tests are very reliable nowadays. Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck :)

Also, don't wish too hard for symptoms - I'm 21 weeks and still throwing up and feeling like hell - I don't recommend it ;)

Thanks cornberry. I am not in the UK and have a private GP on insurance; emailed her on the day of the BFP and she said "come in and I'll confirm it and tell you what to do next" so I assumed she'd do a test...

I could actually have got an appointment today bit decided to wait till weds as that will be bang on 5 weeks- seeing the doc at 4 weeks just seemed a bit OTT.

Definitely try and keep yourself busy!

It's a really really hard time, you second guess everything and worry a lot. But it made me feel much better knowing everyone else was feeling the same way so it was completely normal!

Don't worry too much about symptoms/lack of symptoms. I spent 12 weeks stressing as I barely had any symptoms only to see a lovely kicky baby at the 12 week scan. Now I feel lucky to have not suffered!

Definitely check out an early scan, maybe around 7/8 weeks. Some are as cheap as £50, which is great for a bit of reassurance.

Don't read too much into tests, especially as they were different brands as they all have different sensitivities.

Finally try and relax! Easier said than done :)

OP I'm 5 weeks on Wednesday too! I've been getting mild cramping on & off which is terrifying - but everything I read says its normal. Also got tender breasts, certain smells make me queasy & I'm occasionally nauseous.

I saw GP on Friday & have my midwife appointment the day after I'm 7 weeks. I keep thinking if I can just get to that appointment & still be pregnant that'll be one milestone. Then we go on holiday & when I come back I'll be 9 weeks. Then it's only another 3 weeks til scan & by that point I'll be at second trimester.

Thinking of it in terms of 9 months is too scary right now.

I MC'd last year and although my GP keeps telling me I'm not at any higher risk of it happening it's hard to shake the feelings.

As previous people have said keep busy. I have had previous mmc so I'm really nervous but what I keep thinking is that if things are not meant to be you can't do anything to change it.

Even if you stayed in bed for the next 8 weeks until your 12 week scan it probably wouldn't change anything.

As I'm a bit or a worrier I let myself have a worry first thing in the morning to get it out of the way (I look at daily misc statistics). Then the rest of the day I try not to worry and tell myself that my body is strong and so is the baby.

Congratulations and hope the next few weeks fly by!

I also had no symptoms apart from tiredness which is great in the sense that I didnt feel ill but on the other hand i was the same and really worried as I kept thinking there must be something wrong as I have no sympton's and again every time I had a cramp or a pain i would assume the worst but then I went for my 12 wk scan and saw for myself that there was actually something there lol, It does feel like the longest time until the scan but just try not to worry!

Ooh River nice to hear from a fellow early-dayser. I like the idea that (according to the calculators) our babies were conceived on April Fool's Day and due on Christmas eve . And lion too - from what you say sounds like you are also in 1st Trimester?

Yes, we can't change anything; I like the idea of getting all the worry out of the way first thing in the morning though!

I second the idea of an early private scan. I had one and felt very reassured by it (no scans till 20 weeks here and I couldn't have waited that bloody long!) if you can hold out to 8 weeks it's likely you'll see a heartbeat. In the meantime, don't worry too much about your pee sticks, your GP could test to see if your hcg is doubling as it should, which is the best indicator at this stage.

I also had loads of cramps, and still do actually - so don't worry too much about that. At this stage, it's very much out of your hands, which is difficult if you're a worrier. But 7 mo isn't actually very long for Ttc if you're 41, so take heart from that - as a pp said, stats are only useful on the population level (I am a scientist, I still worry like mad!) as individuals some of us are fertile much longer than others, and think about back in the day when there was no contraception - you'd keep popping them out until menopause,many there'd have been an awful lot of mums still having babies in their mid forties :)

Best of luck to you!

My cycle must be a lot shorter than yours OP. I think I conceived somewhere in first week of April & I was due AF around 14th but I normally only have 26 day cycles.

I love how we can be the same amount of pregnant but completely different. According to NHS calculator I'm due 23rd December.

The first trimester is mental torture. Just try to take it hour by hour, day by day.

I had a private scan at seven weeks to see if there was a heartbeat. I knew the odds were really good after that, so it was a huge relief.

I saw the midwife at 5 weeks and then the booking in appt with the Midwife at 8 weeks.
In the beginning it does feel like forever, waiting and waiting for reassurance and appointments.
I was suprised that the GP and midwife both did NOT test me and my bloods were also NOT tested for pregnancy. Apparently this is now standard practice. So even though I was bloated and felt sick you don't often get told by a healthcare professional that you are pregnant until you see it on the 12 week scan.
Now though, I have 12 weeks left, which I am starting to panic about! LOL