family are already taking over!

[louisek84]

is anyone else having this problem.i love my family dearly and im glad that they r trying to be involved but already i feel as though they are taking over.a couple of my aunts r thrilled im having a girl as they always wanted a daughter and r now adding pressure on me to change my unborn babys name already! there planning on where theyl go with her,how she should be dressed and how theyl feed her(ill be breast feeding!) and take her here and there.i am loving the attention at times but im already feeling pushed out by them and i hve another 16 wks to go before shes even here.my husband wrks away at sea so the 1st 2 weeks after the birth we want to spend as much time with our daughter as poss but im afraid he wont get a luk in as wel never be alone!how do i tell them this without hurting their feelings as i know them and i know theyl take affence,iv never been 1 to contradict them but this issue has to be solved soon as there aleady talking infront of me who will be at the birth!!anyone else gooin through the same thing?or is this just normal behaviour?its my moms 1st grandchild.id be glad of any advice

It is lovely your family are so excited for you.....and yes.. they will want to live out the dreams they had for their own babies with yours!!

1. you and DH choose the name...no-one else....don;t be guilt tripped into changing it for one a relative suggests........especially if it is not one you would have ever chosen..you will regret it later...

20 if you are breastfeeding...it is a perfect excuse to keep LO close to you and your DH especially for those weeks he is with you....

3. firmly tell people you need time together as a family,,you are delighted they are pleased for you ...but you & DH come first

4. think about arranging a time a few days after the birth when you feel up to it when they can come over...maybe not all at once..for an hour or two...and if you can;t send them away..get DH to!

5. it is up to you who is at the birth...and if it is just your DH you want....that is fine.......!!!! if you have someone at th birth you don;t want to be there..you will be resentful and can be tense enough to stop labour progressing well! you don;t need to be worrying about anything except the safe arrival of little one!!

6. the excitement , especially for a first grandchild is normal....

Be firm

lay down the rules & stick to them

Stress you are not leaving anyone out..but you and DH need time to bond as a family especially as he is away a lot

if they want to help..they can do you r shopping, laundry & hoovering leaving you and DH free to enjoy the first special weeks!!

good luck !!

to lulumama thank you 4 your advice i will take it onboard and talk to them about my concerns

hope it helps.....there will be times you will be delighted for some help with the baby..and they can be there for you..but those weeks with your DH are crucial..not to say they shouldn;t see the baby at all, but you & DH are the priority.......! all the best....

got to say how much I agree with the last post. Taking the line of "thank you so much for your kind offer, I'll bear that in mind if we need... someone at the birth / help with feeding / extra outfits... " Just makes it clear that you are glad of their input, but the descisions are for you to make. With names too, tell no-one what you and dp prefer but sort it out yourselves. Then you can be happy with your choice without being bullied. Same line applies " thank you for tht suggestion... we'll put it on the list for consideration".

As this is my first too, I've had a fair bit of "you must to this, you have to do that" from people. I find reading up a couple of books is good, so then you can say "actually, current thinking is that.... !" For example, if you are breastfeeding the current thinking is that at least for the first while no-one else should be feeding you baby by bottle whether eith formula of breastmilk, so that might be a way round some of their suggestions. That makes it not your fault for refusing their plans, it's just what you are told you have to do.