Don't feel pregnant, doesn't feel real, worried I'll have bonding issues

[BreeVDKamp]

I am 35 weeks and just do not feel it at all. Have had a great pregnancy, no problems at all, carried on with everything as normal. I know, lucky me!! It's been great, really lucky and relieved about that.
I do have this worry which comes and goes though, that I will have such a shock once the baby is here. I have no signs that I am pregnant other than a small bump (people still don't notice I'm pregnant or I get goggle-eyed faces when I say I've got 5 weeks to go) and some acid reflux. And kicks of course, which I love feeling and find them reassuring.
But I haven't had any Braxton hicks, my boobs haven't changed at all, I don't feel soppy and gooey about the baby... I'm just worried that because it doesn't feel like anything is happening in there, and nothing feels different, that I'll either have a huge shock once the baby is here, and have a total 'WTF I can't do this' breakdown, or will just not bond at all :(
I am also worried my body isn't preparing (no BHs, no boob changes etc) and so I'm going to go massively overdue.
I'm doing hypnobirthing, in so far as I've read a book which made loads of sense to me, and have some hypnosis tracks I listen to. Doing pregnancy yoga which helps me focus on labour and stuff. Really loving my antenatal classes, I like learning the physical side of what should happen in labour etc. Got loads of lists and got most of what we need, just a trip to ikea on the cards and then we'll be ready.
Going to start packing my hospital bag today but I don't want to as it feels too surreal and not exciting :(

Does this make me a shit mother before I've even begun????

NB this freak-out may be due to the fact that last night DH's fortune cookie told him a huge life-changing event will happen next week

Wow sorry, more paragraphs needed!

Definitely doesn't make you a shit mother!!! It didn't feel really for me until my dd was born, I had the same as you- easy pregnancy and small bump. Dd was 8lb 9oz!
It will all come naturally to you I promise you. As for symptoms - Brixton hicks etc I didn't have any of those either, I didn't believe I was even in layout (3.5 hr labour) the quick labour was a massive shock.
I didn't feel excited I felt terrified and constantly questioning how I would cope! Dd is 3.5 yrs old now and a happy young lady :-)
Please don't worry x

Aw thank you for replying Alien :) that's really good to hear.

I'm glad I've had such a good time of being pregnant. We're actually hoping to do it again pretty quickly so that's a relief! But having an easy pregnancy does seem to come with its own set of worries!

People are different - we react differently in other situations, so why would we all feel exactly the same when pregnant? Of course that does not mean you will be a shit mum.
I didn't have any of those hormonal crying episodes all other women are supposed to have either, and especially in 2nd trimester, often forgot I was pregnant. Have to warn you that when DS was born, I didn't have this massive rush of love people talk about, and in the first weeks, was sometimes wondering if there was something wrong with me.

But you know, when I talk to people in real life, may have confessed the same, so even that doesn't mean you should not be a mum.

DS is now 21 months and bloody brilliant (I think I really started bonding only around 3 months, when he started smiling and interacting more), and DD is on the way.

Don't worry about it. I'm not a gooey mum either. I've had 2 boys now & have cared for them from the moment I got pregnant & loved looking after them once they were born, but the best bit is getting to know them as individuals. Lots of people talk about bonding & love at first sight, but I feel, for me, it's much more the growing of a relationship over time.

I've never had Braxton Hicks, my body didn't change that much, but I had a huuuuge bump.

I think it probably shows your not going to be an overly emotional, flappy mum & are likely to take it all in your stride. You'll do fine but stay away from fortune cookies x x

As others have said, you are not abnormal, many mothers find it hard to believe a baby is going to come out of their bump - I certainly did! I didn't get a 'rush of love' for either of my DDs, more of a slow growing love which grew as they did. All perfectly normal!

Apart from a bloody big bump (you must have abs of steel!) I was pretty much the same. No love gush he he! either, for the first week I definitely felt more lovey-dovey when gazing at the dog. Love her to bits now though! Have had a couple of people (midwife, health visitor) comment that I'm a confident, relaxed mum and to carry on as I am, which is nice.

Totally totally normal. I have four children and have felt the same as you with all of them. I was different because my pregnancies were tough and I hated it but I also never felt like there was actually a baby in there if that makes sense?

It in know ways affects how you bond or how you parent. When mine were born I felt amazement that they had come out if me and relief that it was all over but as I got to know them the massive, chest crushing live came :)

Don't worry the fact you are worrying means you will be an amazing mum

Sorry that was meant to say it in no way affects.

Another one here who had no braxton hicks, no boob changes, no immediate rush of love etc and I don't always find patenting easy or rewarding, but that doesn't mean I don't love ds any less. I love him soooooo much. How you are in pregnancy doesn't mean anything. First few weeks can be very tough too so don't be too disappointed if its not the beautiful soft focused dream that you see in the ads and mags. Things will hurt and you will be so tired you will want to die. you may also end up living on (cold) ready meals. But it won't be forever.

Patenting? Parenting obviously.

Don't worry. Neither of my pregnancies felt real at all, despite being huge! But I can assure you I have very much bonded with DS (4 days old) despite not expecting or really wanting a boy, and despite some pretty difficult family circumstances.

Being pregnant was totally different mentally to when the baby actually arrived. I would say try not to worry but I know that is impossible over something this big!

I have to admit I would get sent Baby Centre emails and the like about 'how to bond with your bump' and I just felt like it was a bit silly, and wondered if that meant I was lacking some sort of important attachment.

It was also always at the back of my mind that I might not actually end up with a baby, if that makes sense? I think I just couldn't imagine what it would be like to have one, and no one can really until they do. So in early PG I was worried that it was ectopic, or a phantom pregnancy, or I had had a MMC, then I kept on thinking about MCing, and I remember even while I was in the throws of labour I kept thinking about what would happen if DS was stillborn (I did have an eventful labour though so that might be part of it!). It all just didn't feel real, or that it was all too good to be true or something. When I was handed DS and was confronted by an actual living, breathing human being it changed everything!

So, I think the unimaginableness of being a parent was responsible for my feelings of 'not being pregnant'.

in the throes of labour*

Oh my God, this is the most reassuring thing ever!! Thank you all so much!! Your stories are such a relief. Phew.

I will bear in mind and prepare myself that I might not feel a rush of love and that will be OK. I hope you're all right and I'll just be a chilled mum :)

VikingLady congrats on your new baby!!! :)

BossWitch I have actually had some midwives comment on my abs - I have good muscles from years of singing and more recently lots of exercise, but sadly they have always been covered in a generous layer of fat

When we was pregnant with my first my body hardly changed at all, apart from by the time I was about 38 weeks I was massive. Boobs didn't change at all til after the birth, and I had no other pregnancy symptoms throughout other than sugar cravings and tiredness but i was working 60 hours a week so hardly surprising! . Totally different second time around though! Haha.

I wonder where you've got your users of how you 'should' be feeling from? There's no right way to feel. I couldn't picture my son's face or imagine holding him or giving birth or anything at all. I just put it down to never having done it before!

If you were a shit mum you wouldn't be doing yoga, hypnobirthing, be comforted by kicks, be concerned about how you're feeling, etc etc... You're doing fine! All sound like normal late pregnancy nerves to me.

Sorryso mmany typos!

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