Feelings of dread

[sarah00001]

Hi, I'm currently 28 weeks and for the past week or so I've been getting these horrible feelings of intense dread. Despite longing to be a mum for years and going through IVF, due to tubal problems, I just can't shake off this intense feeling of fear. My due date is 30 June and I have tons to do in preparation for the baby as the whole house needs to be sorted out as we moved in a few months ago and it wasn't done properly at the time. I'm doing this by myself as I live alone. I worry about getting all the baby's things ready in time, although we have ordered the big items like cot, pram, car seat etc. I'm scared of the responsibility of caring for a child. I'm 38 and the biggest responsibility for me so far is my dog. I also worry about the loss of freedom, not being able to leave the house when you feel like it, feeling trapped. I hate where I live which doesn't help, I don't like the house or the area. I also live close to 2 landfill sites which stink in the summer and I worry so much about not being able to open the bedroom window in the summer which could mean my baby would get too hot. My partner and I are also separated and have lived apart the last three months and I worry that I'm going to have to be a single mum. He wants to move back in, but I've said he can't until we sort out our problems as I can't go back to all the rows. I wish I could feel excited and happy but I don't know how to get rid of these feelings. I feel guilty too for admitting I feel this way. I love my baby with all my heart and can't wait to meet her but at the same time I'm terrified. The one person I would give anything in the world to speak to about this is my mum but she passed away 15 years ago.

How do I shake off these awful feelings? I'd really appreciate some advice.

Thank you, Sarah

I thinks certain amount of worry is normal - it's a big change to our lives by the time were in our late thirties and also there is the new responsibility for a little person. I think hormones also play a part in us worrying, especially about environmental factors and safety - I think that's an entirely natural thing.

At the end of the day babies need love, food and somewhere to sleep. The rest is extra & can be dealt with later and via online shopping!

However, it seems to me you've had a lot of change in your life already, so are probably already feeling overwhelmed. I think it might be wise to seek out some help to assist you in thinking positively and a visit to your gp might be a good start.

Thanks Jaffacake, I suppose I didn't think of it that way, 38 years is a long time to live a certain way, without any real responsibility and a baby is a massive change. I suppose like anything though, you adapt. I've been under the care of my GP for a while now as I've been diagnosed with depression. I also have CBT as I developed OCD when I became pregnant, and this has helped. I think once I have the house in order and the nursery better I'll feel much better, but the past few days I've had no motivation to do anything. I'll aim for a fresh start tomorrow and hopefully things will improve.

Hi Sarah, I'm due on the 29th June so very similar timing to you. I don't have as much going on as you but getting the house sorted is stressing me out. I find at the moment the littlest things really stress me out and overwhelm me, when pre-pregnancy I would have taken it all in my stride. I woke up one morning this week worrying about a summer heat wave and the baby being too hot to sleep in our bedroom, if that happens we will cope and why am I worrying about it now!!! So I think it might be the stage we are at, only 12 weeks to go which makes it sound close and scary. I also doubt my ability to be a mum too, the birth doesn't scare me at all but bringing the baby home does! I think try and break things down into manageable actions so you can tick them off and feel like you are making progress. Also do you have friends who are or have been pregnant as I am sure they will relate to these feelings too and give you some reassurance xx