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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone pregnant and live with housemates?

23 replies

southlondonbaby · 09/04/2015 13:52

OH is 20 weeks, we live with 3 lovely housemates in a communal way (shared meals, shopping and chores). Two of them are unsure about living with a baby, the other fully on board.

We're now weighing up options and wondering whether we should move into our own place. My heart says it's the right thing if not all housemates are sure.

Just curious to see if anyone has any experience living with others with a baby.

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TwoLittleTerrors · 09/04/2015 13:57

I have not house shared with a baby and I can't imagine I would. And I am a mum to a preschooler and a baby! The baby can cry a lot in the early days and would keep everyone awake. Then when it's mobile it would be curious about everything. Would you be able to baby proof the house? Then the toddler phase where it would open everyone's doors including when you are in the toilet.

moomoob · 09/04/2015 13:58

If you are happy with where you live and you've got space for a baby then stay if others aren't happy let them move out. Pregnancy is hard enough without the stress of moving if you don't have too

Gillian1980 · 09/04/2015 14:14

I'm not but I have been housemate twice to couples with new babies.

I love babies and was more than happy to share with them - I was called Auntie Gillian in an honorary way and enjoyed babysitting etc.

However I have to say that at times it was quite stressful. Being kept awake by a crying baby in the same house can be exhausting and when it's not your baby it can be harder to accept/cope with. Also I did find it impacted on the parents, as you'd expect, and this in turn definitely impacted hugely on the household dynamic.

So I would say that it can work if everyone is onboard and willing to make an effort. If they are unsure I really think they'd struggle.

PotteringAlong · 09/04/2015 14:22

I think you need to change the boundaries before the baby is born. Realistically, cooking and chores will go by the wayside a bit when the baby is born. If you're used to sharing that might be a problem, especially if 2 are unsure. Do you need to go to everyone cooking for themselves?

Cornberry · 09/04/2015 14:32

I'm in a similar quandary. We have a lodger/flatmate and it will be really hard to cope financially when she moves out. I'm also 20 weeks. We agreed originally that around 7 or 8 months she would start looking to move but I don't really want her to. Weighing up asking her to stay but Im concerned about how good an idea this is for everyone involved. I'm not sure I would want to live with someone else's screaming baby... I was thinking about suggesting a trial. If it's not working then abandon it. I think this is the only way to find out if it could work.

elelfrance · 09/04/2015 14:36

I just can't see it working out to be honest....flatmates won't be impressed about being woken by a crying baby, and all the extra gear thats going to start taking over the living room, and you're not going to be happy about them having loud friends over when you're trying to get baby to sleep, or them leaving non-baby-friendly stuff within LOs reach

Moreisnnogedag · 09/04/2015 14:43

Yeah I struggle to see how this would work. Each stage has its challenges and there is a lot of compromise that would be needed on their part (and yours).

The baby will cry at inconvenient times, you'll need the bathroom to be free as you'll be bleeding post-partum, you may leak milk at all times etc etc.

PotteringAlong · 09/04/2015 14:48

Even just stuff. I have a box that has lived in the living room since ds1 was a baby with nappies etc in it, the change mat is under the sofa. We have a toy box in the corner. Where are you going to leave it all? Bouncy chairs, play mats etc, in 6 months time high chairs? What if your housemate leaves their magazine out (which is fine and you'll have lots of stuff out) and your baby chews it to death? I think it will be really stressful.

Original poster

southlondonbaby · 09/04/2015 15:15

Thanks so much to everyone - lots of food for thought!

Cornberry- we were also thinking about a trial, but yes it's all the stress with a LO we want to avoid.

Thanks for your perspective Gillian- sure you were a great aunty. Appreciate your thoughts.

OP posts:

sianihedgehog · 09/04/2015 15:21

I was living with my partner and a flatmate when I fell pregnant, and I don't think it'd be fair to expect flatmates who aren't sure to live with a newborn. My flatmate and his girlfriend moved out, and I'm finding it SO MUCH EASIER to cope with stuff like pregnancy exhaustion with just the two of us. I definitely don't think I could handle having flatmates with a newborn. I'd be shit at making sure my chores got done, raging at them for perfectly reasonable stuff like cleaning if they woke the baby, and simultaneously subjecting them to constant sleep disruption from crying.

laurenlhthompson · 09/04/2015 17:01

I live in a shared house but with my partner and 6 other men

I've never considered staying with them all after the birth and I'm not sure if you'd want people around at certain times like if you went into labour and you were in agony for hours at home, would you mind having other people in your space?

NickyEds · 09/04/2015 17:20

You need to move. A new baby is a bomb shell into your life and not to be shared, especially if you like these people! For the first three weeks night and day really had no meaning in our house, ds would only sleep on one of us so we slept in shifts. We would have kept anyone else awake all of the time. And I cried. A lot. It's a hormonal thing and you can't help it. And ds cried. I also had random boob-out episodes, midwife visits, hv visits, bf meltdowns, first poo discussions, stitches talk, babies need stuff that gets everywhere, you'll make more mess than your housemates and not have time/energy to clear it up...the list goes on. And that's before they're even semi-mobile!

Parenting is not a spectator sport! Move out.

Viviennemary · 09/04/2015 17:27

I can't see it working either.Especially if two of them are already unsure. It would be a non-starter for me if I was in the position of your housemates. And you're the ones who need to move not them. And I don't think I'd like to be a new parent having to share with housemates. As if things aren't stressful enough.

buttercupbear · 09/04/2015 21:28

I think it would be extremely selfish to stay.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 09/04/2015 21:32

I really can't see it working. A baby is such a massive upheaval. I really couldn't have coped with having anyone other than my DH around for all the early stuff (the tears, the sleeplessness, the worry etc), and it wouldn't have been fair to subject anyone to that who wasn't 100% on board.

willnotbetamed · 09/04/2015 21:37

My DH lived in a big flatshare (6 adults) and there was a couple there who had a baby. It worked out really well - they all adored the baby. There was some moaning when she woke up early and cried, or when they wanted to organize a house party and had to check with the parents about whether they could move her out for the night. But it was bickering like in any family; I used to visit a lot, and when the babyphone crackled into life in the evening, six people would jump up automatically to go and check on her. As she got older, she had lots of space to explore, plenty of people to talk to, and of course there was almost always someone there to keep an eye on her if her mum or dad needed to go out for something.

My DH moved out eighteen months or so later, but that was because I was pregnant and we needed to live closer to his new job. The parents and the baby lived there until she was about three and then moved on. Most of the original flatshare have kids now and we don't live near each other, but it still feels a bit like family.

If you have flatmates who are really against the idea, it would seem like a good idea to move - if they're unsure but open, you could try it. It worked well in this case. We are very used to the idea of a nuclear family unit these days, but the flatshare had a lot of the advantages of living in a big extended family, and I think everyone benefitted from it.

BallroomWithNoBalls · 09/04/2015 21:39

You really need to move out.

Apart from the practicalities mentioned, if they gradually all move out one by one (which isn't fair on them anyway), who would then want to take their places, in a houseshare with a baby? I know I wouldn't have in my pre-parenting days. I doubt anyone would. So you might end up landed with having to pay rent for the entire place, and/or having massive fallouts with any tenants who do decide to stay and have increased rent due to not being able to find replacement tenants.

You will be much, much happier in your own place. The time has come I'm afraid. And if you delay, the consequences could be really serious for you all, especially you. Get house hunting!

goodnessgraciousgouda · 10/04/2015 09:16

I really recommend moving now, and getting settled into the new place before the baby arrives. Having a "trial period" would be even more stressful - when you've got a tiny baby, the last thing you will have the energy for is flat hunting I imagine. It would be just an extra pool of stress.

Move out now, find your own place. Then you don't have to worry about the others, you don't have to worry about getting behind on your allotted chores, you have all the space for the baby things.

Original poster

southlondonbaby · 10/04/2015 13:24

Thanks everyone. Really helpful. If we move out, we'd have to move much further out and further from work and friends, but it sounds like this is going to be the wisest option if we don't have our housemates on board...

OP posts:

MaraThonbar · 10/04/2015 15:58

I'd really strongly recommend that you move out. You need your own space. I spent hours and hours breastfeeding on an armchair in the sitting room and was not prepared to share the room! Once DH's paternity leave was over I often needed to take DD out of our bedroom to make sure that he could sleep; he was driving a lot for work at the time and I worried about him driving tired.

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 11/04/2015 11:56

In a similar situation, however the rent is in our name. Our housemate has been informed of baby, they have about 6 months to decide whether they want to leave or not. We're moving ourselves at some point (hopefully just before the baby arrives), but it's a bit awkward asking housemate what exactly they're doing. To be fair, they moved in with us in good faith, then we decided to have a baby, so feel a bit mean pushing them out.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 11/04/2015 12:22

I think it depends on your housemates whether this would work or not. If they're in the partying stage of their lives it might not be easy. Here's a few things to think about:

Safety, will they be ok with baby proofing the house and putting things away e.g.medicine, cleaning stuff.
The early days could be quite hard for you. I had an emcs and was walking round in a big t shirt with my pants rolled down airing my scar, and trying to bf. I would've felt quite exposed in a flatmate situation.
Babies cry a lot, how near are their rooms to yours? Will they hear it? Will they mind?
I've always found it easier to leave stuff put e.g. pram, playmate, changing mats upstairs and downstairs. Will they mind if you do this? You could tidy up but baby's things take over somewhat!
Do you split bills? There could be some arguments over this as you'll use more electric etc from washing, sterilising, having the heat on all night (if winter baby) and others might not want to split it.
Lifestyle of flatmates and you e.g. they might want to watch adult TV shows etc that you might not feel are appropriate when your child is older (newborns can't really see)

It really depends on the flatmates, as previous posters have said it could be lovely if they are on board or a bit of a nightmare if they're not

Andreamm · 26/03/2021 15:24

Hi Everyone, I am Andrea 12 weeks pregnancy and my ex partner doesn't want to keep the baby anymore. I am willing to survive alone but I genuinely don't know where to start. I tried with council and it seems like nothing. Is there any sharing house for pregnant women ( maybe not) but no harm to ask.
Regards,
Andrea

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