BOOKS!

[purplebiro]

1st baby due in 6 weeks (eek!) and the very good book on preparing for birth that I've just read finished with a warning about not to forget to prepare for childrearing too - so, being the type that I am, I wondered if anyone had any recommendations for books that set out the options clearly.

As far as I can tell from the outside (friends with kids with lots of opinions, no close relatives with children - except my mum) there's a pretty broad spectrum of ideas of what works/does't work/is beneficial/harmful - from Gina Ford-y routine-based stuff at one end to baby-lead sleeping/eating/wearing etc at the other. I am not particularly inclined towards either of those (both seem appealing to us in their own ways) and might be a bit more interested in mixing and matching while we find what works for us so I wondered if there were any books that laid out approaches and risks/beneits in an unbiased way? Am I being hopelessly naive by even contemplating a bit of planning?

A book that I found really useful when was "my child won't eat". Very reassuring, doesn't tell you what to do but more just explains why kids eat the way they do and the amount you can realistically expect them to eat.

In general though, just remember that whatever book you read, your baby hasn't read it and the person who wrote it has never met your baby. Doing what you feel is right for your family at each stage is the best, rather than trying to follow what someone else thinks a baby "should" do. It's daunting, but you can just trust yourself and find your own way - no one will know your baby like you :) and there is a danger with reading too much that you have too many expectations of what your baby will be like/do/how they will develop, which can be worrying when they very determinedly don't!

^when weaning

I didn't buy any books and now that DD is 5 months am happy that I didn't set up any unrealistic expectations for myself and her. There's loads of stuff on the internet about sleep/routines etc. so I wouldn't bother with books too. We've fallen into some routines now that work for us all but I couldn't have coped with trying to shoehorn her into a routine I wanted her to be in during those early days. Like PP says, they haven't read the books and when they're ready, they're ready! DD is an easy going baby though and generally happy (once the reflux was sorted) and I might have felt differently if she was more high needs...

I have bought a book for weaning because I wanted some suggested feeding schedules and recipes that were all in one place and I'd say that was money well spent.

Good luck!

When choosing books, I've always tried to avoid ones that are based on opinion rather than research, so the Baby Whisperer and Gina Ford were both out for me.

I read Babycalming by Heather Welford before I had DC2 and really wish I knew about it before having DC1.

Another book to have a look at is The Baby Book by Dr Sears.

If you are thinking of Bfing, Kellymom do a useful list of Books to Avoid

" I wondered if anyone had any recommendations for books that set out the options clearly."

I mean this kindly, but bear in mind that it isn't really a question of you considering your options.

You are about to give birth to a tiny person, who has opinions and a personality from day one. You will have to work with them as well as them around you.

You won't find a book that sets out 'risks/benefits' in the format you like, because they won't be the same for everyone.

"Your baby week by week" seems ok.

Any recommendations for books that are factual, not fluffy? Something with some research and science in, rather than fuzzy suggestions for my 'spiritual health' ? I loathe the ones written in baby talk.

I'm basically after the Haines manual for an infant.

Forgot to say, Babycalming is pretty factual with pros and cons

The NCT book of breast feeding was really good by Mary Smale.

Bookseller here. I always recommend customers grab a few different books, sit down and have a nosey through them to see which ones feel right and more in line with their own thinking before buying a book. What works for one parent won't necessarily suit another. But as a pp said it's also about the individual child, so don't go in thinking you have to stick strictly to what the author said. Good luck!

'Babies: the mumsnet guide' does exactly what you're looking for. Sets out all the different approaches in an unbiased way with a bit of humour at the same time.
I'd then read around the ideas that appeal in more detail.
I also really enjoyed 'the social baby' it's a photo case study book and helped me to spot my babies cues.

I found the What to Expect series useful to dip in and out of ( if you can get past the slightly annoying Americanisms and perky style at time). It didn't espouse any particular theory and seemed factual and sensible With various options etc.

But as PPs have said the only "method" that really worked for me was a series of trial and error in an effort to find ways that both worked for us practically and tok account of BOTH my babies needs and my own personality. For example, I'm a very organised person do I know I would have struggled with an entirely "just let what will be will be, lie around in pj's all day admiring your baby , housework can wait etc" would not work for me. But on the other hand I wouldn't want to force my baby into routines a la Gina Ford. It's about finding a way that works for you all and for us that involved a lot of trial and error. It can take time to have confidence in your own decisions when you're a new parent but it gets easier.

I hope all goes well for you

Sorry for the typos on phone!

There probably isn't a sensible book that will set out all the "options" including the extreme strict routine/leave them to cry end of the scale, because most experts don't agree with that end of the scale so they're not going to advocate it. More and more evidence shows that it's better for babies' brain development for them to get all the affection they need on demand, and be fed on demand at least in the early stages. The "happy" baby that can (sometimes) result from the strict routine method is simply a baby that has learned not to put up a fuss because their natural way of appealing for what they need isn't working.

I think the same goes for the other end of the scale too to an extent. Though actually a book that looks at all the approaches with a clear scientific assessment (rather than as options) might be a really good idea.

I think somewhere in the middle is sensible, and I found the Baby Whisperer book by Tracy Hogg helpful (though I know some people hate it) - because it explores different types of baby behaviour and temperament, and its approach is very much based on being kind and understanding towards babies. However I don't think you should follow any book slavishly - it's best to use them to gain insight and perspective and tips, but you have to be led by your own baby too.

Agree with most people here that the internet has a lot of information, that render books needless.

However, I found Brain Rules for Baby (How to raise a smart child from 0-5), a fascinating read. All the advice is based on current research and it all makes a lot of sense.

I've not got a single baby rearing book either. My plan is to go with a basic routine of "nappy change, eat, activity/play, sleep, repeat" which I might have read somewhere on MN.

*or a variant of the above adapting as we go basically!

Your Baby and Child by Penelope Leach is a good intro to children's psychological development - and First Time Parent by Lucy Atkins is very useful for the practical stuff.