Pregnant after loss

[claire1987uk]

Hi ladies,

I'm looking for a bit of advice and support I think. I'm currently 5+3 weeks pregnant with what we're hoping will be our first living child, and I'm absolutely terrified.

I fell pregnant last year and was over the moon after trying for 3 years to conceive. At our 13 weeks scan we were told that our baby had anencephaly, a neural tube defect in which the skull doesn't close and the brain fails to fully form. Our baby was 'incompatible with life' and could not survive after birth. We made the agonising decision to terminate and end our baby's suffering early. Our daughter was born on 20th September 2014. We were devastated.

Now, I'm pregnant again snd I'm terrified that something will go wrong: I frightened that I'll miscarry on something will be found on one of the scans, or that our baby won't make it. I dream that I'm bleeding every single night and I'm exhausted. I've only known for just over a week - I don't know how I'll get through the next 34!

How do you cope with pregnancy after a loss?

Xxx

Hi Claire, I'm so sorry you lost your baby girl

I don't have any advice really just wanted to say that I know how it feels to have that constant anxiety, I had 4 miscarriages before having dd so felt exactly like you do I was also dreaming about bleeding all the time. I found it helped slightly to give myself small milestones instead of looking to 40 weeks, I also had lots of extra scans and that helped massively. I honestly don't know how I got through those 9 months I thought once I got past a certain point I'd be ok but I have to be honest it didn't get any easier it just felt like more was at stake the further I got, I'm sorry if this isn't helpful. I would say to let your midwife know how you are feeling when you go for your booking appointment and she might see you more regularly, mine did, also I would assume you will be put under consultant care with your history so tell them too they might give you some extra reassurance scans. It's so sad when the innocence of pregnancy is lost it's such precious time but it's impossible to enjoy it :( I wish you a healthy 9 months and hope you can enjoy it at some point, big hugs.

Hun its completely natural you will worry. We have had 2 miscarriages and one girl at 16 weeks had a severe cystic hygroma and we too had a emergency termination. So I completely understand your pain. Im nearly 10weeks pregnant now, I had a scan last week and everything was fine. I think you just need to try and stay positive (I know easier said than done though). Fingers crossed for us xx

Hi ladies,

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. Thank you for your support and advice - it's reassuring to know that others have felt this way too, and that I'm not going mad! ??

I'm trying not too think too far ahead. I keep being told that it'll get easier after 13 weeks or 20 weeks, but I just don't think it will. I won't stop worrying until a healthy baby is here with us.

I will get consultant care and it'll be the same consultant who delivered our daughter. She's fantastic and I trust her so much. I tried to ring her on friday but no one was there with it being bank holiday - I'll try again on Tuesday.

I suppose I just have to hope that everything will be ok and take a deep breath.

Thank you - wishing you all the best too mrsthoree3009

Xx

Hi Claire - sorry to hear about your loss - it can make later pregnancy very nerve wracking in lots of different ways. You mind find it helpful to have a read and join the thread with "posifricitivity" in the title which is full of very supportive ladies who have all been through at least one mc and are now pregnant again. We have regular posters from the first, second and third trimesters and it's a really supportive place.

Personally I've really benefitted from being able to voice my concerns at different stages of my journey, to be supported by those who understood how I felt - and I have felt very encouraged to read about thread babies coming into the world. I'm now 31 weeks along but the first trimester fears are still very vivid. Good luck with your pregnancy and maybe see you on the thread.

PS the thread is also on the pregnancy board. I'm on my phone so can't post a link!

So sorry you went through that hon.

I had two early miscarriages before conceiving dd1 and I was so terrified, especially in the first 12 weeks. I had two scans before the 12 week one to put my mind at ease a bit but it was still scary.
I felt exactly the same with dd2!

Really hope it goes smoothly for you this time. My friend has just been through exactly the same as you as it's awful.
If it helps you do relax a bit after the 12 week scan and again after the 20 week one. X

Thanks ladies, I really am trying my best to stay positive but it's really tough. Xx

I am currently 23 weeks after losing my first pregnancy at 10.5 weeks. I found the first few weeks UTTERLY UNBEARABLE TORTURE for anxiety and worry. The heavy bleeding and cramping I had at around 6 weeks really didn't help with that, but the extra scans REALLY REALLY did. I had scans at 6, 7, 10, and 12 weeks and I actually think I would have lost my mind without the ability to see my baby developing and the reassurance of doctors telling me that everything was normal. I paid privately for a package from the Fetal Medicine Centre with really detailed scans at 10 and 12 weeks, and the Harmony test, and if I am ever pregnant again I am DEFINITELY doing so again. The 10 week scan told me an amazing amount, much more than I expected. I found that after each scan up to 12 weeks I could stop worrying for a few more days.

If you're finding the anxiety unbearable, and you can afford it, get a private scan to help you through those early weeks. Sometimes it's just almost necessary for your own mental health, I think.

Oops, posted too soon, there. Like other people have said, I really did find it got easier after the 12 week scan was done. And even easier after the 20 week scan. Now that I can feel kicks, the anxiety is completely manageable. It will get better!