Left it too late to have third child?

[lilacdays]

I am 43 and have a DD13 and DS10. I had a mirena coil for 7 years after DS was born, which was advised due to very heavy periods. My DH always wanted 3 children but I had always imagined having two, and he didn't push the issue. Over the past couple of years I have found myself longing for another child. I have recently had the coil removed due to side effects and the broody feelings have increased - possibly hormonal. I think I feel "normal" again for the first time in years. We have talked about perhaps having one more try. However, we have some anxieties. We have been blessed with two healthy children and are aware of increased risks to older mother and child (DH is 43 also). We wonder about the effects on the family of having another baby when the older two are now so much more independent; we enjoy lots of activities together and a baby would change our routine a good deal. We wonder about how it would be to start again socially with a new set of postnatal parents, when we are already the parents of a teen and a tween. How would it be for the child to have two much older siblings who will eventually move out? Finally, we wonder about if we'll remain healthy and active for the next 18 years. We have a number of friends who had children in their (very) early 40s who are some of the most energetic parents we know, however!

Of course this may all be academic as we don't even know if I could conceive again. I don't feel I can talk to friends as I feel as though I must come across as ungrateful for what I already have. Have I left it too late? Anyone else had a similar experience? Thank you.

I am pregnant with my last chance baby (no3) just now and have no desire to be pregnant after this one. I've got a 7yo and a 4yo as well.

In your situation I personally would not be trying for a third, because of your age and also the two existing DC you have already. You're in a very good position because you're past all the baby stage and at a new chapter now.

I am 32 and cannot picture myself ever having any more DC once DC3 arrives because of my age and also health reasons would be selfish of me to want any more. I need to be strong for the three children I will have.

I grew up with a similar age gap to my siblings and never had any issues with it, it was normal for me! My older siblings doted on me and I am very close to them now we're older. Go for it :)

Age is just a number. Age limits are created by man to control the masses.

If YOU want another child, bloody well do it. You get one shot at life, it's not a practise run. One shot, then that's it, game over.

I've just had Dc3 (3 weeks old), other kids are 6 and 8.

Yes she feels like an only child, but it's amazing. I absolutely adore her.

My friend.has just had a 3rd baby same age as you. Her dd is 14 and ds is 12.

She is absolutely loving every minute of it. Her older children completely mother the baby they want to feed the baby and help .. baby is 6 months old now and they still love it.

Each to there own, the biggest age gap I have is 6 years and my older 2 love it.

You do what you both want

If YOU want another child, bloody well do it. You get one shot at life, it's not a practise run. One shot, then that's it, game over.

Yes, totally agree!

And for another perspective, my sister was 10 and I was 7 when my DB was born. Parents in early 40s.

No idea how it was for my mother but I really remember how pleased I was to go from just having a sister to having a brother and sister - even though he and I didn't always get on so well. Whereas DSis was besotted from the off and always very close to him.

35 years on, we all get on incredibly well though geographically far apart. Parents now in mid 70s and only really started to slow in the last couple of years. It extended their mortgage by a fair few years but pretty sure they have no regrets.

Good luck, OP - hope you reach a decision you're happy with. x

I had my third in my late thirties. The older two were 10 & 7. They adored him as a baby & still do now. My eldest son will sit & play games with him (they are now 14.11 & 4) & helps him with his reading etc. I can see no resentment from any of them at the moment. We have been very careful to make time for the older two individually & holidays etc are tailored to suit all of their ages. I would hate to think of any of them not having a fabulous childhood.

From a purely personal point of view I loved starting over. For us it was like a first baby but without all the angst. He's a delight .

21 year age gap between my last two children. He is spoilt by his older siblings and close in age to my grandchildren so has company. He is much loved by everybody. I do get tired but he is worth it. He was a "surprise" baby though!

I'm jumping on this for advice or just support from mums in similar situations. I am 38 and expecting my 3rd. I have a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. We thought this is what we wanted, having always talked about having 3, but sadly, I am not feeling very happy about this pregnancy :-( I struggle with tiredness anyway, and I am dreading more sleepless nights and a busier routine. We dont have enough hours in the day currently, and I am so scared we have done the wrong thing for our current family. I am 9 weeks now, and still regretting being pregnant and wishing we'd never tried. I feel a terrible person not wanting this baby when we are so lucky to have conceived again. Is there any mums of 3 out there who went through this? I want to put it down to first trimester hormones, but am scared I'm not going to bond with my bump through fear of the life ahead with 3 young children. Any words of wisdom or similar situations out there? Thanks all

My little bro and I are 15 years apart. I was the only child before he was born and when they told me they are expecting, the thought of my parents still having sex (39 and 42 years old back then) freaked the hell out of me and I wasn't very supportive as a teen throughout my moms pregnancy. But once bro was born everything changed and I even though I was shamelessly used by my parents as a free nanny, I love my brother to bits and couldn't imagine not having him in my life. Obviously our age gap is huge and we might not have too much in common (he might still have the feeling I'm his 2nd mom), we get along perfectly fine and he is (now 20 years old) super exited to become an uncle (I'm 22 weeks pg with my first).

As for my parents, they obviously had a great help at home with me, and they certainly never regretted having had the 2nd child after so many years. (They never admitted that to me but I'm pretty sure it was planned rather than an accident! )

OP, you however have 2 already and I completely understand your worries and concerns. The thought of going through sleepless night followed by homework and everything would freak me out. I guess it depends on what your thoughts are/were on when your first 2 grow up.. Were you looking forward to "freedom" and chance to travel the world and do all the things with your DH alone again once kids grow up? If yes, then probably think twice before TTC again. If not, then go with the flow and see what Mother Nature will decide. Good luck to you either way!

Thank you all for your comments; they really helped. We have had some lengthy discussions and I think we will be thankful for the two we have and leave it there. Perhaps it might have been different even three or four years ago, and I feel very wistful about what might have been. Loobyloo3, I suspect it is fatigue and hormones, and you will not regret it. Wishing you good health and strength in your pregnancy.

Lilac days... I can imagine its a tough decision to make at this stage, but talking it through and deciding together means you can support each other better through the hard times. All the best to you.

Loobylou, I think your hormones are definitely taking you through a roller oaster at the moment! I remember feeling terribly up and down about it through the early weeks. Feel loads more positive now.

You haven't left big gaps, so won't have the same concerns as the op. hope you are feeling better soon