I have no idea what to do :( third, unplanned child....husband not keen on keeping but I don't know what to do.

[thatsnotmyname17]

Exactly as above.

Using all the protection I have found myself pregnant.

I have two children already who I had miscarriages and years of trying to end up with. Using protection I have found myself pregnant with this miracle little bean.

Straight away we both felt we couldn't go ahead with another.

Reasons being
Previous pregnancy putting myself and baby at risk, baby prematurely delivered but was fine.
We are so stressed with our life with just two (toddler tantrums, work, strain on relationship)
Baby wasn't planned
Husband (more so him) and I do worry about house space as they grow up, finances, cars etc. We live in a small three bed, fine for two kids, cramped for three. Material reasons but valid ones. I grew up on a house that struggled and my poor dad buckled under it all.

However I am not sure I can go with terminating (this was one determined baby!) and I am a third, unplanned child.

I am worried I'll regret terminating and the affect on us as a result. I'm more open to keeping baby but also can't see us with a third child?? Is this how everyone feels?

Would I survive the stress of terminating? Can I put myself and my kids at risk of pregnancy problems again?

It's such a mess and I can't talk to anyone about this as we have considered terminating. I feel an awful person no matter what I do.

Sorry this is a rambling post. I don't know where to turn and what to do and only I can decide either way.

I'll never regret a child I know but I could resent him for leaning me towards terminating and he could resent me for expanding the family.

How do people cope? We just about cover ourselves every month. Just.

My biggest concern is my health.

My second pregnancy was such a danger to myself and then my baby. Can I risk my life with my two dcs already.

Well the health concern is important, you need to get the full facts on how risky it would be. However the fact that you called the baby a "miracle little bean" makes me think you would really regret terminating. A third child is doable for many families so maybe you could.

I'm sorry you're in such a difficult position OP. No-one else can tell you the right thing to do here - there is no 'right' thing I guess, only the decision with the most gains and fewest losses.

My two pennies worth though - in your position, I would not go ahead with a third child. You can't afford it, and you have a responsibility to the 2 children you have already not to make them go without. It sounds like you would also be risking your health if not your life - what would happen to your 2 children and your husband if you didn't make it? How would they cope?

How many weeks are you?

I'm sorry you're in this position I've been there myself
Fwiw I went ahead with a very high risk second pregnancy having two children already, and it nearly cost me my life. My son was delivered at 24 weeks and I was in Icu for weeks. very traumatic all round but do I regret it, not for a second. My son is now 2 and perfectly healthy, my health has been damaged but I knew that it would be. I would advise getting as much information as possible about potential issues, scenarios etc.
For me I got as far as agreeing in theory but ultimately I couldn't do it, I could not have lived with myself despite everything. I'm not saying what I decided is right for everyone, but you need to decide what you can live with and that's a incredibly personal decision. I got lucky but I went into it knowing I might not.

Meant to add there can be no right or wrong answers here only what is right or wrong for you.
I wish you all the best

Can I ask what was wrong with you mama1980?

I had reoccurring bleeds with a low lying placenta. It might not happen but I'm high risk for it to happen again due to two prev sections.

I'm 8 weeks.

Also I'd have to do my booking with my gp and surgery who are all family friends. I can't have them knowing if I did go through with a termination.

What a mess.

you do sound to me as if you would like to keep the little bean if you can.

i think you need to try and get full info on the medical points first. the rest is important, but it can be made to work; your own health cannot. fingers crossed for you.

x

I don't have any wider advice for you, but my GP is also a family friend. She says it's amazing what she can forget about in a professional capacity (not much choice round here of who to bare your soul to when depressed --or bare your nethers to in a smear test, come to that).

How are you doing today op?
My story very briefly is that Basically my body had been badly damaged in a previous car crash, my uterus for many reasons was basically not capable of supporting my pregnancy, I bled constantly from clots and scar tissue, etc all of which put my body under massive strain. I was under specialist care in London. The placenta abrupted at 24 weeks ( I had been hospitalised and given every drug known to man for weeks before this) they had my son out in minutes but I haemorrhaged, they ended up performing a hysterectomy to save my life and I was in Icu for weeks.
My situation was slightly different though in that I knew for sure it was never gonna be straight forward, my son was given a less than 20% chance. It was almost easier that way, in a very weird way in that I knew exactly what I was risking, it enabled me to
make plans and adjust my thinking if that makes sense.

As I said earlier I think you probably need more information on just how risky this would be for you.
Then it's about what you can live with, I'm sure your gp would never judge, and will want to help in anyway they can. So please try not to worry about that.
Take care of yourself x

My life, how many typos??!! So sorry. Think you'll get the gist of it still. Way too many to correct.

Could you pay for early scan?

Do you have an Early Pregnancy Unit near you? If you phoned them up and explained your fear of the placenta being low lying they might be able to scan you earlier than twelve weeks. Have you had any bleeds yet in this pregnancy? I can see that the risks are very real for you but you could also be worrying unnecessarily and it may make your decision easier to take if you knew either way.

As it happens I have just had my fifth child. I went into it knowing that my pregnancy would be high risk. I have essential hypertension and chronic kidney disease. I was fine until about 28 weeks when my blood pressure just would not behave itself and at 30 weeks dd was delivered by emergency section. She is fine; now seven weeks old and home and doing well, but I am aware that it could have been so different and I am taking steps to avoid risking it again by getting sterilised.

Midwife said I'd need to wait for placement and view at 12 weeks

I know your GP is a family friend but I'm sure they would be helpful in this case where your health is at risk. Leaving it till 12 weeks seems too long if an earlier scan is possible.

I agree that termination easier the earlier you do it. I am pg with third child. Planned but as soon as it happened I was a bit 'fuck fuck fuck'. Thought about terminating (though didn't get as far as discussing with dh - just my own middle of the night thoughts) but now I have seen it at a scan couldn't do it. Think Iw ould have been able to when just a bundle of cells.