Does anyone else find all the attention totally cringey?

[Choccyhobnob]

This probably makes me sound really ungrateful but since I found out I was pregnant 9 weeks ago (and DH told his parents literally the day I took the test ) I have just found myself totally embarrassed and cringing at how some people (mainly his family) are.

MIL cried which I found mortifying (think because me and my family aren't like that!!) and then we had an early scan at 8 weeks and we met his dad in the pub to show him the little picture and tell him it was ok and he then wanted to show all his mates and bought the whole pub a drink. I was just dying of embarrassment. It just feels like such a personal thing I didn't want the whole pub seeing my little bean.

Then I had to tell a couple of people at work when I was 7 weeks due to the kind of job I do and since then one woman has said I have a bump almost every day (I've only just got one now at 15 weeks) and got me a 'mum to be' card on mothers day. Again, I know it's really sweet but it just made me feel so uncomfortable!!

God reading this back I sound like such a cow, but does anyone else feel embarrassed and bit protective like this is a private thing and don't want people commenting? Especially in the early days. I think I just can't cope with people making a fuss like I'm the first woman on earth to ever have a baby...

Im 29 weeks tomorrow and only my family and close friends know. I dont see the need to advertise my pregnancy to the world (looking at you oh dear facebook obsessed cousin...) and shes the only one who has tried to touch my bump. First time i was 24wks and hadnt felt movement due to anterior placenta to be told you dont know what your feeling for! Wanted to smack her one. 2nd time she tried i told her as she came over no i dont want you or anyone touching my bump unasked im not a dog. Id felt wee one kick last night and my sister was over so said do you want to feel and she did. That is okay as she hasnt barged into feeling my bump unlike cousin did

I barely had a bump last time and got lots of "are you eating enough? You're so skinny!" type comments. But at least it meant that total strangers or anybody who didn't know didn't comment as they couldn't tell.

Pretty much agree with everyone! The constant asking "how are you feeling today?" is sweet, but gets a little bit exhausting after a while, and people think it's okay to tell me if I look rough or tired - thanks!

And yes, people's constant guesses at the sex by examining my body - everybody has a theory!

My MIL phoned me on mother's day to wish me a happy day - it was a lovely thought, but personally I didn't celebrate it as I am not a mother yet!

Oh yes, the "how are you feeling?" thing! It shouldn't be grating, yet it is, all the more when people tell you that you don't look well. In my case, this is mostly just because I haven't put makeup on that day. Pregnant or not, I could do without being reminded of how awful I look without BB cream!
Also a little tiresome are texts that only say "How are you?" or my personal bugbear, "Just checking on you". Again I know folks are just being sweet, but really, this is a weird way to have a conversation!

Lol to guessing the sex by body shape...everyone told me I was carrying a girl. Sat here looking at my 6 month old boy

I had a friend who lives about 1 hour from me, I barely see her, but we are old friends and when we do catch up its like we haven't been away. I was getting constant demands for 'bump' pictures from her!

It gets worse when you approach your due date and you get all the texts/messages saying 'Any sign yet?'. If there was do you think I would be responding to your text!

I hated the attention the first time, was almost in denial even though it was a planned pregnancy. Second time was not as annoying as the first, and by the third I enjoyed it once I had a visible bump. Probably because I knew it would be the last time.

Anyone who knew me knew there was a hands off rule anyway, and my resting bitch face and unwillingness to engage in conversation kept people from making unwelcome comments.

I found the most difficult part was telling people in the beginning, I just kind of waved a scan picture at people and that was my way of announcing it

"cringed so hard my butthole nearly came out my nose" actual LOL and OH GOD YES. I can't stand all the assumptions about suddenly becoming all mumsy and baby focused and suburban, and turning into some delicate flowery vision of womanhood.

I've taken to telling anyone who asks how I'm feeling about my constipation. All my mates think my regular updates on the gruesome aspects of pregnancy are both informative and hilarious, and everyone else is quickly learning to fuck the fuck off with their idiotic pampering bullshit.

That said, I've appreciated my actual friends adjusting expectations based on what I tell them SO MUCH. Coming to keep me company when I can't dance anymore and need a nice sit down and a cup of tea is wonderful, and I really appreciate that they understood me feeling like refried shit and sleeping all the time for the first trimester. It's just the assumptions, I think!

I'm so glad you all feel the same

18 weeks and still haven't went out my way to tell people locally about the pregnancy, I prefer to talk about other stuff in life tbh.

Yes to the waving scan photos at people! When I met up with my mum to tell her about the pregnancy (after putting it off as long as possible) I virtually threw the pics at her and sort of grunted 'there you go'. She'll get all the girlie sentimental crap from my sister when she finally whelps. I don't get all these bells and whistles grand gestures and twee announcements. Vive la difference though! Doesn't mean I'm not happy, just reserved and pragmatic.

I haven't experienced this yet but I'm sure I will soon. I'm 14 weeks and people have only known a week. All family and friends were told on the phone, it was only work colleagues that we told in person because they are the only people we have seen. So, so far everyone is at arms length and not asking for regular updates. MIL did tell me 'thank you for this gift' That was odd, it's like saying 'thank you for having unprotected sex with my son'.

This thread has really made me realise that one of the reasons I don't enjoy pregnancy is because of the cringey attention !

I hate people commenting on bump size/ wanting updates on how I'm feeling/ touching my bump etc. I didn't have a baby shower for this reason...I wouldn't have been able to stand it all being the focus of an event !

I didn't put any reference to my pregnancy on facebook - no photos of me, scan pics or statuses, so once my son was born and it was out in the open, my more distant facebook friends were all shocked because I'd never put it all over social media. The birth announcement was even unintentional, a friend wrote on my timeline "Had i had the baby yet ?" (coincedentally a few hours after I had him).

Am so glad, so many others feel the same, I thought I was a bit odd and awkward .

Thank god no one got me a "from the bump" card, that would have finished me off .

No Facebook references to my last pregnancy, and I plan none this time either. Some Facebook friends were a bit surprised (and bizarrely, slightly offended ) when I announced the birth, but never mind.

quesdillas Some of my facebook friend's reacted like that - it's strange really. All my family and proper friends knew, i didn't think it was of any relevance to old colleagues and schoolfriends and people you haven't seen for years etc.

When I had my eldest kids (twins aged 12), there was no facebook. When i was out with the babies and bumped into old acquaintances i hadnt seen for a few years, they weren't offended that i hadn't sent out a carrier pigeon or done a radio shoutout to announce my pregnancy.
Pregnancy was actually much easier on the cringe-wise scale back then...of course still the bump touchers and general questioning and cringey moments - but no facebook, no baby showers and no "from the bump" cards !

This is so me! Yes Im pregnant, yes I'm excited, but no, I don't want to talk about it all the time! I am still a person!! Now I feel like I'm just being crabby but I HATE when someone says "how's bump?" Yeah I'm fine thanks, don't mind me!

Same here :-)

Something else I found weird (I get this expression if I've voiced it to anyone else in RL) was other people (grandparents, mostly) buying things or doing things for themselves to prepare for the baby. For example, MIL has purchased more of a nursery for her spare room than we have for our own house. DM is strongly considering swapping her car for something 'baby suitable'. I get they are excited but it's just a bit weird to me!

This isn't a critisism but it might help you all put these comments, feelings etc into perspective if you look on the infertility thread which I was on until recently as I am now pregnant after IVF and see how hard and heart breaking it is TTC for some of us.

Some of those girls would give their right arm to be in your or my position and to have all those people thrilled to hear that they are expecting a baby.

YES!!! Finally people who are just as embarrassed by all the attention as I am!
I struggle with this every day now since it is getting closer and closer to when we should start telling people. Last weekend I was a a family get-together and I was the only person not drinking and they all just assumed I was pregnant. I didn't say a thing and no one asked me but my mother says they were all talking about it behind my back. I love my family but that made me so angry. None of them know about the miscarriage I had last year so they probably don't realize how sensitive I am on the subject. I would love to not have to tell anyone ever but I know how unrealistic that is.

But on a good note, my husband offered to challenge any strangers who try to touch my bump by telling them to take their hands off his wife. ;) He is so sweet.

Also anroga, it is not about being ungrateful. It is about being more of an introvert suddenly thrust into the spotlight. Some people just don't like a lot of attention and pregnancy tends to direct a lot of it your way.

Ha, yes

It's people saying the SAME THING all the time . . . 'Looking big!' (I'm not); or 'Nearly there!' or 'It could be twins!'

It also took me a while to realise that when anyone asked me how I was, what they actually meant was 'How's the pregnancy?' I accidentally started talking about - y'know - things I'd been doing - before cottoning on.

anroga, I appreciate the way you feel - I've had four miscarriages, a battery of tests and have spent years trying for my current pregnancy. But it's really not fair to drop the guilt bomb on people for a bit of mild kvetching. Having had problems TTC hasn't changed my personality - I reserve the right to get cheesed off with inane pregnancy chat, and I can totally understand why other people are cheesed off too.

This is partly the issue; people expect your core personality to change just because you become pregnant. And anroga I think you are being a bit judgy, considering that you know nothing about any of our individual circumstances and not a single one of us has said that we are not happy to be pregnant. It's purely the reactions of others that seem a little OTT and that is what we're commenting on. This is what I'm talking about; people suddenly expecting you to become all tolerant and humble overnight. If that's your natural personality and you enjoy being fussed over, great! If not, or you have genuine social anxiety issues then suddenly being thrust into everyone's attention (even for positive reasons) is painfully uncomfortable for some. There is nothing 'ungrateful' about it. In my own personal case part of the reason that I've not wanted people to fuss is because I'm so convinced that something will go wrong with this pregnancy and then I will have let everyone down, because they're all so excited and happy. It's like an emotional forcefield.

True dat skeppers.

Skeppers Exactly . That is another reason I get awkward - its the unknown. I keep my excitement amd wishes to myself incase they are shattered - it's emotional protection. Added with the fact I am a private person who isn't keen on being centre of attention.

The day at work I had where one colleague told me I was looking "enormous" (thanks so much) and another told me I was "tiny" was the day I realised that pretty much everyone talks out of their bums about pregnancy. They just like having something to gas on about.

Mega cringe day for me was the one where my CEO asked me if I planned to breastfeed. She asked me in the work kitchen. Infront of other people. The IT guy then started lecturing me about how important it is to breastfeed for at least 6 weeks. I wanted the ground to swallow me up! It was not the relaxing decaff tea break I'd had in mind.

I do plan to try to breastfeed, but it is none of their business! Why are my boobs suddenly a topic of discussion in the workplace???

ladyrosy I share your pain! I am being asked that question all the time and generally by people who will never even meet my child! Also very irritating are comments about how I'll give birth. Two weeks ago I had a woman advise me as I was about to open an event with UN representatives to have a caesarean so I'd still be "neat and tidy down there". Obviously my boobs and vagina are now public property, but of course I should just smile sweetly and suck it all up because people are just being "nice"!