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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How did you know when your last baby was going to be your last baby??

33 replies

lexyloub · 19/03/2015 04:45

My ds3 is just 3 weeks old, before the birth I Was quite set on being sterilised but now I'm not so sure. I find it quite sad that I'll never experience pregnancy or childbirth again ( I hated being pregnant too so not sure why I'd miss it) is this normal? Do all Mums who have decided no more children feel sad about it or are they happy never to do it again?
I'm aware my hormones are still all over the place which could be making things worse. Dc4 really is not an option for many reasons 1 I wouldn't want another baby so close on age to ds3 I don't think I'd cope 2 by time ds3 would be at school I feel I'd be too old and ds1 would be in high school by then 3 I simply can't afford another baby we only have a 2 bed house and can't afford to move a situation that isn't likely to change in the near future
Someone please tell me it's not only me that's sad I won't be doing the baby thing again?

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Sleepyfergus · 19/03/2015 05:08

I don't think it's unusual at all. I have 2 dds, my second when I was 40. For a few health and age related reasons, having another baby wasn't an option, plus cost wise and stress wise, I don't think I could cope with another baby and the 'upheaval' it brings. Mine are 5 and almost 3 now....nappies are over, we can go out and (just about!) cope with no meltdowns, nights are spent sleeping and so on.

But I miss having a bump, the experience of childbirth and the first few weeks of warmth and general lovliness of a newborn. I do get a stab of jealously when I see a pregnant woman, or someone announces a pregnancy but reality soon tells me that our family are doing great the way we are.

The raging hormones though just after childbirth though makes this all the more amplified I think. I recall seeing a preg woman not long after having dd1 and I was distraught with jealously - bonkers!!

CheerfulYank · 19/03/2015 05:17

I don't know but I've been wondering! I'm 29 weeks with DC3. The first few months were awful as I was so ill and I told DH I didn't want more.

But now that I'm feeling better, I don't know that I'm done. I think it will just be hard to admit that that part of my life is over.

zoemaguire · 19/03/2015 05:26

I had a mad period of feeling broody when dc3 was a few months old. As soon as she started moving and needing constant watching and entertaining, the broody feeling passed and for the last 7 months or so I've surprised myself with the intensity of the certainty of knowing that I am done. There is no way I could do pregnancy again, and I feel stretched thin with 3 DC as it is. I want to get past the baby stage of my life. Dp got the snip in the autumn and I have not regretted it for a single second! I've loved this stage of my life but I'm also very happy to be moving onto the next chapter.It feels great knowing that our family is complete.

Number3cometome · 19/03/2015 10:45

Well I did say that I wasn't going to have any more children after DC2.

DC1 is 12, DC2 is 7.

But then I split up with my partner, roll on two years and I am 22+3 with my current partners baby (planned)

He doesn't have children, and although he didn't push the issue I wanted to have a baby with him.

I am so glad I didn't decide to have any permanent form of sterilisation.

This is my 3rd c-section and I am again a high risk pregnancy, so very likely to be my last.

gamerchick · 19/03/2015 10:50

My last baby was not a happy accident.. I detest being pregnant and doing the grub year after birth and then the tedious crap part of toddler years.

Needless to say I would rather grate my face off than even risk it again

Skeppers · 19/03/2015 11:02

I'm 19+4 and already know that my first baby will be my last baby. I'm getting too old for this malarkey! Plus, we can afford to give one child a decent, comfortable life; we'd struggle with any more. It was a conscious decision all along that we'd only have one.

People say "Oooh, you don't know how you'll feel once the first comes along...you'll want them to have a little brother or sister...". What I may or may not want doesn't come into it- simple fact is that we can't afford to have more than one child. If I do get those feelings I'll just have to suck 'em up and deal with it. There are a lot of things in life I want, but can't have. I want a Dodge Viper and a pet unicorn, but I know I'll never have them!

shelley1977 · 19/03/2015 11:55

this is my 6th pregnancy but up till now it was a case of never say never, after 5th baby it was unlikely as stayed single and didn't want a relationship again. met new partner and got a surprise when discovered pregnant as we had been very careful. he was already booked in for snip. so definitely no more, between age and finances and health was why we hadn't planned on having a child together but we are glad we went through with it, even happier when he arrives as 9 days overdue

mummeeee · 20/03/2015 06:44

I feel similarly to you lexy, in that dc3 'should' be the last for lots of good reasons but i wish I felt more certain and confident in that decision. Even though I have struggled to get pregnant each time, had lots of mcs, found pregnancy so hard & I now have pnd (dc3 is 11mths) I am still slightly yearning for another baby, or at least don't feel ready to say 'no more'.
Both dh and I feel the same in that we agree it would be too difficult, we can't afford it, house not big enough, looking after the 3 we have whilst pg (dd has high care needs due to a serious medical condition) is too difficult, we are too old, would make holidays almost impossible etc

And yet there is a bigger gap between dc2 and dc3 than we wanted (due to multiple mcs), so another sibling for dc3 would be good i think. 2 plus 2 with a gap in between. we always talked of 4, dh is one of 4, me one of 7, And the thought of another baby and another member of the family just feels really positive.

I think I just need to accept that thre will be no more, but I just wish I felt more comfortable with that and less of a yearning mixed with sadness.

I know we are extremely fortunate to have the 3 we do. It has been a long road of infertility & serious illness for dd so they are very precious.

Perhaps I just need to make my peace with the decision that dc3 is the last.

AuntieStella · 20/03/2015 06:50

Not until I was well over 40 and youngest was in KS2.

I 'knew' at some level before that (IYSWIM) but was only really overtly sure by then.

5YearsTime · 20/03/2015 06:57

I'm almost due with DC1 and have a bit of a problem with this too. I've always known DH wanted only one and it took us nearly two years to conceive, I've been ill for a lot of the pregnancy and it's been really hard on both of us. I can already see me wanting another one but I don't know if DH will ever even consider it. But....I am so looking forward to moving on with life with our baby and trying to appreciate everything as much as possible.

HollyBdenum · 20/03/2015 07:04

I felt intensely broody for a year after DC2 was born, and then it stopped completely and I knew I was done, and I didn't want any more children.

TheNumberfaker · 20/03/2015 07:05

I thought I wanted 3 but when DD2 didn't sleep through until 9 months I knew I was done. She's four now and I haven't changed my mind, I need the sleep to function as a proper human being!
We can't afford another one either!

toptomatoes · 20/03/2015 07:10

I know I am done and I don't plan any more children (my 3 are 8,4 and 2) because I feel it would be difficult for me to give them the attention they need if we had more, we have a comfortable life but any more would mean more of a squash and I am ready to move into the next stage especially for my eldest, there are lots of things it is hard to do with a toddler.

However, I am very sad at the idea of never being pregnant again (even though my last pregnancy was awful), never snuggling a tiny baby of my own again. I only stopped breastfeeding DC3 a couple of months ago though so that makes me feel like I don't have a baby anymore. I don't want one but I am still sad that I won't be having one!

TeWiSavesTheDay · 20/03/2015 07:14

I think you know you're mentally done with children when at the end of each stage you think, 'aw, they're growing up! And I'm never going to do this again (thank feck)'

At the same time I think a lot of people have to stop for practical reasons. For me, quality of life us definitely a factor and it overrides passing broodiness quite easily.

jaykay34 · 20/03/2015 09:01

What you are feeling is totally normal ! And exacerbated a bit by hormones.

I have 12 year old twins, boy and girl, and always thought they would be my first and last. I used to get broody when they were tiny...but then I studied and got a (part time) career and by the time they were about 6, I was fully accustomed to the fact they were my last. I found milestones easy and looked forward to the next ones, and really enjoyed them growing up.

Anyway, last year I unexpectedly got pregnant. It was a real shock, I didn't find out until 15 weeks as I still had periods, and continued having periods until 20 weeks. I hated being pregnant - all the worry of the bleeding, plus the discomfort of being enormous all over the summer. Then, the minute I had given birth, it hit me that he would be my last and I would never be pregnant/give birth/have a baby again. He's 6 months old now and I feel a tinge of sadness that he's growing up, I will definitely be in tears when he starts school.

A facebook friend had her first child when I had my son, and she wrote something on there about trying for another next year. I felt insanely pissed off and jealous.

I have seen other posts on here about people feeling the same, so think its an entirely normal emotion.

ThatBloodyWoman · 20/03/2015 09:05

I realised once my hormones settled down after the second.
I found 2,18 months apart,as a working mum was quite enough for me.

Vagndidit · 20/03/2015 09:10

When my only child turned 7 and I crept up to age 40 with no BFp after ttc-ing for several years with no luck.

Obviously the choice was out of my hands. Am a bit of those who can make that decision for themselves...

Sorry to be the voice of doom...

lilyanna812 · 20/03/2015 09:20

My DS2 was my last.......and here I am 18 weeks pregnant.

This will definatly be my last :-/

like someone said.....I hate being pregnant, don't know why I miss it so much :(

GoooRooo · 20/03/2015 10:21

I wanted three children but it took us years and years and years to conceive the first time. I am now pregnant with DC2 and this will be our last - I'll be 41 when this one is born and I don't want to carry on having children into my mid 40s.

I'll be said I won't have the 3rd child, but it's definitely the right decision for our family and I feel so, so blessed to have had 2.

It'll be nice to be able to have a sex life without trying to make it the right time for conception - for the first time in nearly 10 years.

GoooRooo · 20/03/2015 10:22

*sad - not said!

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 20/03/2015 10:52

Skeppers, I'm exactly the same. In fact, all the houses we have been looking to buy have been only 2 bedroom so we will know we don't have any room for more! Yes, I know we might change our minds, I know partner would like to have two, but I know one child is the best thing for us. I'm looking forward to it, the idea of my little family of three . So, I guess I 'know' I'm done (right now).

HarrietTheFly · 20/03/2015 11:28

We deicided a while ago we were only going to have one child. I'm mostly happy with this decision but I do have a niggling sadness that I'll never get to have a newborn again... My dd is only 8 months old!

When I think I logically however, no matter how many you have they'll always grow up. The newborn stage, and each stage after, will only last as long as it lasts. I certainly never want to be pregnant again. The thought fills me with dread.

flippyflapper · 20/03/2015 12:57

I said I was done after 2 , dc3 was extremely hard work.

Rolled on 4 years and I was so broody. Dc3 started school and we both decided to have another.

Dc3 I enjoyed everything so much better no worries like I did with dc1 and both kids were at school so was lovely. I really wanted another but wasn't 100%
We had a condom failure and after discussion we decided that we didn't want dc4 so I took morning after pill.

I ended up pregnant with twins!!!

So I have 5 children and we are done, dh has been snipped

geekymommy · 20/03/2015 12:58

I'm 40, 22+1 with my 2nd DC. The chances of chromosome abnormalities get too high for my tastes if I try for one much after this (I was really anxious leading up to my CVS and getting the results this time, worse than last time). We also have room in our house for 2 kids to each have their own rooms, not for 3. I don't like the idea of moving or having kids share a room.

PossumPoo · 20/03/2015 13:13

I'm 13 weeks with dc2 and know this will be my last. I absolutely hated the first 12 months with dd and am not looking forward to it again. I think 2 dc is right for my family and have told DH.

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