How do you get through the first 12 weeks?!

[cazzabazz]

This is my first post on Mumsnet as I only found out 4 days ago that I'm expecting my first baby! (I'm 5 weeks gone already apparently!) It was planned but I never expected it to happen so quickly (my husband and I only started trying in Jan). Anyway, since I found out, I've been crippled by anxiety, thinking something's going to happen to the baby, and I'm terrified of losing it. I'm a nervy person in general, and have had panic attacks in the past, so relaxing is virtually impossible! I'm even anxious about being anxious, thinking that I'm harming the baby by worrying but I can't help it! I've had absolutely no pregnancy symptoms either which is also worrying me (if I hadn't missed my period I wouldn't have even taken a test). I can't afford to have an early screening done privately, and it's still 7 weeks to wait to find out whether everything's OK, so how do you all make it through that time without hoping insane with worry?!!

First, you're not harming the baby by being anxious. Anxious people can have healthy babies. I'm anxious and have a healthy 2.5 yo DD, with a DS due in July (all signs so far point to his being healthy).

Second, it's normal to not have symptoms yet at 5 weeks. Some women do get nausea or fatigue that early, but not everybody does. Some pregnant women never get nausea or fatigue.

remember that missing your period is the biggest symptom of all!

congratulations! x

I'll be honest, I was lke this the first 12 weeks. I'm now 20+5 weeks and I'm still a nervous, anxious wreck! We have the 20 week scan tomorrow and I'm in a state about it. I'm hoping I'll calm down a bit after that...

All I can say it just try and trust your body to look after your baby:)

My wife and I are in the same boat,coming upto 8 weeks after two mc's last year,we aren't enjoying and are petrified with every twitch and boat of sickness.

The only advice I can give is just get through each day one at a time.

I think you just have to get your head around the fact that you are almost a passenger on this journey and you have a teeny tiny influence on its outcome. Accepting when matters are out of our control can help anxiety, be it redundancy or pregnancy! Easier said than done though....

If anxiety really did have a good chance of causing a miscarriage, there probably wouldn't be much need for abortion. I've never been pregnant when I didn't want to be, or been pregnant and known there was something seriously wrong with the baby, but I would imagine that's an anxiety-provoking experience. And yet there are significant numbers of abortions.

Congrats caz! I am 10+5 and absolutely worried myself to death up to 9 weeks. I had a scan at 5+5 where we saw a heartbeat but even that only stopped me worrying for the rest of the day. I had absolutely no symptoms at all other than sore boobs - and still haven't had any. So I was sure that was a bad sign and was utterly convinced that my baby had died, I wouldn't even talk about the pregnancy with my hubby. But then I had another scan at 9+1 and there was my little bean looking all perfect and healthy. So since then I have miraculously felt soooooo much better.

I know that is not helpful if you are not able to have an early scan but it was more about trying to reassure you about lack of symptoms - it really is OK.

Worrying is natural and nothing anyone can say will stop you completely but hopefully hearing good stories will ease your mind a little. Time up to my 9 week scan went so slowly it felt like it was going backwards - but since I stopped stressing it has flown - today I had to check my diary to remember whether my scan was last weekend or the weekend before as it felt so recent! And it was the weekend before.

You'll be fine but these early weeks are torture.

I've just written this on another thread but this is what I keep saying to myself in early pregnancy:

It is very, very difficult to cause or prevent a miscarriage.

TODAY, I am pregnant.

Hi Caz,
I'm the same!
We found out yesterday I'm only three weeks along but as excited as we are im a dreadful realist and can't help but worry about making it to the end!
I'm trying To keep positive but anxiety niggles at me!
Every tummy twinge has me panicing!

Glad it's not just me!

i have 4 children and never had many symptoms until 6/7 weeks gone, my sister had hardly any!

This may not help but, within reason such as eating properly and not smoking, there's absolutely nothing you can do. I had a massive spreadsheet on the go with key dates that updated at the beginning of every period. I got pregnant. I ticked off 5 fruit + veg/day. I then had three miscarriages. By the time of my 4th pregnancy I was SO over it all and in a hugely stressful job. But it was that bean's time and he clung on in there through the sleepless nights and mainlining carbohydrates. I was dubious. He got on with it.

I then had sex once in December at the wrong time of the month and am now pregnant. Sod's law.

There's nothing you can do. Just relax (easier said then done, i know)

I paid £99 for an early scan. At 7 weeks it's possible to see a heartbeat and usually isn't an internal scan.
It was worth every penny
My dating scan is tomorrow at 13 weeks. There's no way I could have waited this long!

Thanks all - glad to know that worrying is just part and parcel of it! I'm doing everything the books say I should be doing, so it's up to Nature now I guess. It's the not knowing which is hard, but got 7 weeks to prepare myself for any bad news, so if it's good news it'll feel even better! Never thought I'd be wanting to have morning sickness though, just as confirmation I'm pregnant!!

Tricky isn't it? I'm 4w+3 so really early but my first day was fraught with 'omg if I so much as move I may miscarry!!'. Then I decided that actually, that sort of thing was stopping me enjoying the joy of actually being pregnant and the outcome would be the same if I worried and the same if I didn't so then there didn't seem to be much point in stressing! I don't know how this will go, it could all go wrong tomorrow but there is a much higher chance it won't so I'm just going to go with that and get on with it. Doesn't stop me wanting to do another pregnancy test (i've done two already - both positive) every day to make sure I'm still pregnant as I don't have many symptoms other than exhaustion and a twingy uterus lol!

Omg girls what a relief to know I'm not alone! I can so relate, I also fell pregnant straight away on the first try, and therefore still hard to believe it's real, especially also no/very little symptoms here. Boobs used to hurt so badly at first but now gradually almost stopped, only maybe very slightly. I'm also 4w+3. It's just so nerve wracking... All I do is googling and pressing on my boobs all day every day!
I'd say try and get distracted, read a book/watch a movie/bake a cake, something to take your mind off things. Also, isn't it true that if something bad happens, there's usually bleeding/pain? I think in our case no news=good news. Congratulations on your pregnancies btw everyone!

pupadillo I did 4 tests in the first 24 hours of finding out, 1 a week later as was convinced I'd made it all up and then another 2 or 3 weeks after that even though I'd had an early scan as I was so convinced my lack of symptoms meant that something had happened to the baby!

Go for your booking in appointment, they give so many leaflets etc that you'll be busily reading them up until the scan lol good luck

cazzabazz Congratulations!

It's not very helpful, but all I can say is try and stay chilled, eat right, avoid drinking and smoking and just look after yourself! I didn't have any symptoms until about week 7/8 and it was sickness, so I wouldn't wish that on you!

I am now 19weeks and I am still nervous everything I do might hurt baby, but I am just trusting my body to do its thing!

I was the same as you within the first 12 weeks, after getting past the first 12 weeks you find other things to worry about! I'm 17 weeks exactly today and I find im worrying more now than I did before, probably because we've seen he baby in a few occasions and I feel like we've bonded a little bit. I'm also a panick attack sufferer and get anxiety, but you really need to stop worrying about everything, it's most likely not going to happen...

Truth is, you probably won't stop worrying throughout your whole pregnancy. I know I havnt, it's fear of the U known and you need to trust your body to work it's wonderful magic and make your baby stronger as each day goes by. Literally take it each day at a time. Face the fact the worries will always be there, and try to enjoy your pregnancy! X x

I am SO GLAD it's not just me! We've got 2 kids already, plus one miscarriage about 5 years ago. Been petrified to try since then, came off the pill the last week of Jan, and discovered I'm pregnant last Tuesday, which already feels like a lifetime ago! I've got my first midwife appointment on April 1st, which feels like such a long time away and then I'll have another 4ish weeks until the dating scan. I refuse to talk about making any plans with DH as I'm just so petrified this little bean won't stick either. I had no concerns at all with the 1st two, miscarriage never even crossed my mind, I wish I could be like that again, the time flew by!!