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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How can I make my pregnant teen see sense

35 replies

K100J · 17/03/2015 22:55

Im worried about my daughter. Shes 15 and recently dropped the bombshell that shes pregnant. After the initial shock my hubby and I sat her down and told her that although its not the best situation to be in, we would support her 100%

Shes only a couple of months gone and up until a few days ago she has been dead set on keeping the baby, however now she has decided that shes thinking about adoption.

I would be really sad to see her going through with adoption for the simple reason that I think she is doing it for all the wrong reasons. I know in my heart she is being influenced by her peers reactions to her pregnancy although she would not admit it.

I know I cant stop her going through with an adoption but I know my daughter and I know she will regret it for the rest of her life.

I tried to explain to her that she might regret adoption and I would not pretend to agree with it (not that I dont agree with adoption in general, just that I dont agree its the best option for her) I told her she has the support of me and her father if she wishes to keep the child so she would never have to worry about doing it on her own.

Ever since this conversation she has become withdrawn and barley speaks to me, I want to be there for my daughter and I dont want to push her into anything but shes 15 and in my eyes still my baby, I am trying to protect her from making a big mistake but my hands are tied. I feel like I have to just sit back and watch her doing something that shes going to regret all because of what her friends think.

I dont know wither to tackle this head on or give her time and hope she changes her mind. I dont want to push her further away from me, we have always been so close and I dont want to wreck our relationship.

OP posts:

Stinkylinky · 18/03/2015 08:40

My sister got pregnant at 15 and was adamant she was going to give her baby up for adoption when she was born, she completely changed her mind once she had her daughter and has raised her to be a wonderful, intelligent 12 year old.

I would give her all the space she needs to think about her options and try not to force your opinions or let others force theirs on her. I know my sisters school were brilliant with her and she spoke to them a lot more freely than she did her mum.

Number3cometome · 18/03/2015 09:36

Have you told her that you are willing to look after the baby?

If she could see that keeping the baby at home, but without her playing 'Mum' for now was an option, she may be open to that?

ShanVanVocht · 18/03/2015 09:42

My thinking is if she would actually go through with the huge thing that is adoption simply because of peer pressure, its probably best she does, because she's not mature enough to be a mother.
That said, she's changed her mind once, she'll probably change it again. There are months to go, back off for a while and see what happens.

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 18/03/2015 09:46

I second the suggestion of speaking to the GP to get some counselling x

sosix · 18/03/2015 09:48

Right now all you can do is support her, think about neutral counselling, explore the options gently with her.

She may well change her mind. Is it an option for you to take baby on if push comes to shove? Not ideal I know.

RL20 · 18/03/2015 09:59

Very sorry you're going through this. 15 years old is such a difficult age even without a pregnancy. Hormones are still all over the place.
Each to their own but I wouldn't recommend a termination. I had one when I was around 17 and awfully regret it. Although it wasn't the right time for me, it doesn't ease the guilt or pain.
Of course you can feel guilt and pain with adoption, but in hindsight, that way at least the baby will be giving someone else a chance who possibly can't have children naturally.
Like others have said, it's still early days and she could completely change her mind. Tell her you support any decision she makes, even if you don't fully. Because she is under 16 is there not a law that the baby can automatically go into your care? I hope no one shouts at me for that if I'm wrong though, as I have no idea! It's just a thought.

Wishing you and your daughter the best of luck

AndWhenYouGetThere · 18/03/2015 10:37

Get her to contact Brook and they will talk her through her options. She needs someone impartial - not her parents, or her school friends, to talk through this with her.

sosix · 19/03/2015 10:21

How are you op?

YouAreMyRain · 19/03/2015 10:39

If she is making a decision based on the judgement and criticism of others, she may discover that she will ultimately be judged and criticised more for relinquishing her baby for adoption.

It's very unusual in this country and not many people may empathise with her.

The father may decide to become involved as he will be approached by social services at some point. How would she feel if his family kept the baby? He has equal say once the baby is born.

I would try and get her some independent counselling ASAP even if you have to find and fund it yourself. It's a massive decision.

GatoradeMeBitch · 19/03/2015 11:30

You told her you would support her 100% then told her (effectively) you don't.

But OP also says that her dd changed her mind about keeping the baby based on comments from girls at her school. It's not the best basis for a life-changing decision! Counselling is definitely something you should look into.

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