Baby shower | Mumsnet

Findingthisdifficult1234 · 2015-03-16T05:55:44+00:00

Did you have one??? Always hearing negative things about them! Are they that bad? Have you been to one? What did everyone do?

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meditrina · 16/03/2015 06:05

Baby showers are fine, as long as you stick to the proper (for want of a better word) way of doing them:

a) shower means 'shower with gifts' so the honoree must never be the host
b) gifts are obligatory at showers. If you don't want gifts, it's not a shower, so call your party something else.
c) 'shower-type gift' means something small, and traditionally something that you woukdn't need before having children
d) no list is necessary, as showers are for honoree's closest friends only, and host can therefore co-ordinate (where necessary) small gifts to reduce duplicates without involving traders.
e) traditionally, they mark transition into motherhood, so are held for first baby only. Parties for subsequent babies shouldn't be showers.

And what you do at the shower depends entirely on your usual style of entertaining, and what you think the honoree would like. Just afternoon tea and chat is fine. Games only if it's your kind of thing.

Original poster

Findingthisdifficult1234 · 16/03/2015 06:11

Oh okay, thankyou :) so a party with tea and cakes is acceptable, I know some people play games (not sure which ones mind!)
Have you been to one? Do people generally resent going to them? Do you think it makes people feel awkward when baby is born as they think they then have to buy another gift?

OP posts:

happygojo · 16/03/2015 08:50

Me and my friend organised one for our mutual friend. We kept it a surprise but that was SUPER stressful! worth it though. That said..... If I did it again I would probably just tell her as I nearly put my foot in it so many times.

Imagine a hen do, without the rude bits, in the day time, with pink lemonade instead of shots. We did a bit of a tea party and then gifts and then some games like 'design a bib' or some quizzes online. We also did guess the nappy contents (put a chocolate bar in a nappy and microwave.... a but grim but funny if you have the right crowd).

I hope to have one for my pregnancy as is was fun, but my friends are so spread out that I would be happy to organise it myself to be honest rather than get one of my friends to try and organise people she doesn't really know.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 16/03/2015 08:56

I avoid them like the plague. Just my opinion though!

ImpatiencePersonified · 16/03/2015 09:00

I'm with lookslike... they make my teeth itch.

Very very American and just not for me... soz!

LittleRedDinosaur · 16/03/2015 09:02

My personal opinion (I know people get quite cross about this topic!) is that it can come across as a bit grabby.... Just because it isn't something that everyone does in this country and there is an expectation of gifts.
I think it also depends on where your friends are in terms of having children. Suppose it could be a bit of a novelty if you're among the first but it sort of gets to the point with friends where there's a baby born every few weeks.
I also can't get excited by pretending to eat poo or tasting baby food.

Just my opinion though! I know a lot of people think they are great so it's entirely up to you!

Gemerama · 16/03/2015 09:03

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AnotherGirlsParadise · 16/03/2015 09:09

I know someone who organised her own shower, as she was huffy that none of her friends thought to do one for her - mind you, she's probably the grabbiest, most mercenary person I've ever come across. Utterly shameless.

I can't say I'm a fan of showers myself - as PPs have said, they're just so American, and it can be a little uncomfortable if someone is invited who doesn't like feeling obliged to buy a gift, as they then feel bad for turning down the invite, or miffed because they've been cornered into buying something. Lots of people love them though, so stick to the etiquette and you should be fine

BumWad · 16/03/2015 09:12

I hate them. So very grabby. And I'm sorry but the baby isn't even here yet?!

I avoid, avoid, avoid too.

fabuleux · 16/03/2015 09:13

I went to my first one recently. Was lovely to see my friend and also catch up with some mutual friends I hadn't seen in a while. We all just sat around eating/drinking and chatting which was lovely, there were some games planned but we never got round to them!
Everyone brought her a gift, luckily no duplicates. I will send her flowers when baby is born, which I would have done anyway.

applecore0317 · 16/03/2015 09:34

I'm not keen on them but my Mum really wants me to have one, so have compromised by saying we will have a girly afternoon tea with friends at home. My husband is South African and he said its tradition there, but I don't like organising something where peoole feel they have to buy me gifts, that's just me though. I don't judge those that have them

gingerfluffball · 16/03/2015 09:51

I wasn't keen but DH was (much more of a thing in Australia) so we have also compromised with a pre-baby get-together type thing. Family and a few close friends bringing a plate, no games (I was pretty adamant on that - but then I'm not much of a girly hen party sort of person either) and people are welcome to bring along nappies as a gift if they really want to bring something. At this point we have everything ready for baby so I didn't feel comfortable asking for extra gifts.

Ultimately I say do whatever suits you and you feel comfortable with! After being very grumpy and conceding to this baby-shower-type-thing, I am actually quite looking forward to it

Scotinoz · 16/03/2015 09:51

They're the done thing in my group of friends, but also very low key. It's generally 6-8 girls and a good excuse for brunch, lunch or afternoon tea in one of the swish city hotels. Gifts extend to a little toy, Muslins, towel, tiny outfit etc - $20 spend. We don't do games, we just talk babies.

We call it a shower for second babies, but it's an excuse to ditch husbands and bubs for the afternoon Afternoon tea is the popular choice, and it's a couple of hours eating cake and relishing wearing nice clothes that haven't been grubbied up by a toddler. There are no gifts for second babies!

GalindawithaGa · 16/03/2015 10:01

I hosted my sister's baby shower yesterday. It wasn't in the slightest bit 'grabby' what a horrible thing to say. I threw it for her, how the hell could that be grabby! Plus I completed disagree with the first reply outlining the 'rules' of the gifts. The shower I threw yesterday was an afternoon tea party for the friends and family of the expectant mother to get together and enjoy the shared excitement of the imminent first baby. Still a baby shower! We showered her with love. Is that allowed under the rules? The gifts were lovely and thoughtful but very much a small part of a bigger event.

Anyway my sister loved it and I loved seeing how happy and excited everyone was.

Personally, I'm not one to write something off because it's American (seriously? What a vile attitude) and I'm not 'grabby' and neither is my sister. She was completely shocked that people had brought gifts and I had said in the invites that people didn't have to. Some people didn't bring anything, they would prefer to wait until the baby was here and that was totally fine no one batted an eyelid.

Do what you want, if people are going to be snooty about it, they don't have to come. Tbh it is only in MN that people are so snobby about baby showers, pretty much everyone I know that has had a baby has had one and enjoyed it. Like a pp said, it's like a tame, baby-themed hen do. I get perplexed when people are so negative about something that has the potential to be such a lovely happy thing.

beno57 · 16/03/2015 10:38

I think a baby shower is best seen without 'rules'. It is just a chance to get together and show how much the mother to be is loved and talk babies over tea and cake. I think they may be seen as american if you follow the prescribed rules. It can be what ever you want it to be!

And in terms of gifts, if I was attending a baby shower for someone I would be buying a gift for the baby anyway once it was born, so it just brings that forward a few weeks.

2015isgoingtobeBIG · 16/03/2015 12:08

As a girly get together and a chance to talk babies, they are fine, and I enjoy them more in some ways if somebody brings along their own baby (has to be a baby not a toddler for me to find it a good thing to bring along).
Based on my experience of attending though, everybody does feel obliged to bring a gift and the mother to be ends up with frequently a lot of very cute but impractical clothes the child won't wear more than once, and a few toys. If there are a few other mums in the friendship group then you might get a useful "I couldn't live without this" gift. I've always asked the mum to be what she needs and gone for this. This is how I approach gifts after a birth and would offer to wait until the baby is born to get the main gift and just go for a token small thing if she isn't sure yet what she needs.
I'm not having one and would only have agreed to one if gifts were taken off the idea completely and it was purely an excuse to get my friends together before the birth when it might be harder to see everybody.

Turquoisetamborine · 16/03/2015 12:19

I was adamant I didn't want a baby shower, I very much see them as an extra way of getting more gifts. So I'm hosting my own pre-baby get together. I haven't called it a shower at all and decided on my own guest list. I have a large group of friends so it's not fair to expect someone to host 40 odd people but I don't mind it in my own house.
I specified on the invitation that it was an excuse to see everyone I love and I did not want any gifts to be brought.
I'll do food and because it's on an evening, people will probably bring wine or whatever. I see it more as a girls night in.

meditrina · 16/03/2015 12:42

'We showered her with love. Is that allowed under the rules?'

It's a bit like inviting people for dinner, then giving them only crisps. Or inviting them to watch the match, then not putting the telly on.

A shower isn't a generic term for any pre-baby party. It's a specific type of gift-giving party. So your gathering sounds lovely, but it wasn't a shower. And it's likely to just lead to confusion if you use the name of one type of gathering for something different.

Original poster

Findingthisdifficult1234 · 17/03/2015 20:24

Hmmm kind of what I worried people would think.
My mum and sister want to organise me a shower, which id love, as had a not nice pregnancy and haven't seen my friends as much lately. Don't want to be slagged off and called grabby though!

OP posts:

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 17/03/2015 20:35

My friends organised one for me as a surprise so I can't be called grabby as I knew nothing about it . It was just my close friends, we had some nice food/cake, played a couple of silly games and generally just caught up. They bought small gifts (it coincided with my birthday so mainly pampering type gifts for me and a couple of little bits for the baby). I live about 130 miles from all my closest friends and don't see much of them so it was a lovely afternoon.

curlii103 · 18/03/2015 08:21

You can say no gifts but if you jeep it to your nearest and dearest they will probably buy anyways. I wasn't going to on the basis they are very American and gift focused bur since Decided I moved away and haven't see people and I like tea and cake I'm going to!!