Gutted to be pregnant

[Littlefluffyclouds81]

I found out on Thursday that I'm pregnant. It's a complete, unmitigating disaster for the following reasons:

1. I have only been with my bf for 3 months, so it's very early days.

2. he does not want kids.

3. because of our situations, there is no prospect of us being able to live together for ages, he cannot move because of his job, I cannot move because of my dc. We live about an hour away from each other.

4. I don't really want any more dc either. I have 2 and they both say on a regular basis that they don't want me to have any more dc. We don't have room in our house for another dc.

5. I am studying for a degree and would have to defer that.

So, the obvious thing to do is terminate the pregnancy. However, I had an abortion a few years ago and it completely screwed my head up. I am absolutely beside myself at the thought of going through that again. I have spent most of the time since Thursday crying and shaking. I feel like a complete shitbag.

I am also taking this out on my bf, which is unfair as it really isn't his fault, we were being very careful and neither of us can understand how this has actually happened. He is doing his best to support me but I am pushing him away, when I really want him there. I can really explain or rationalise my feelings right now, I'm just in a mess. He also has very different views on abortion to me, he doesn't see that the baby is a life yet, so therefore he doesn't think I'm doing anything bad. However he fully understands how I see it and realises how upsetting this is for me.

I am booked in for a termination in 9 days and I am dreading it.

If we were ever fully ready or in the best situation for a baby, me and DP would not have had children until oooh 50. My advice is have a proper serious chat with partner but keep an open mind.

And try and get some counselling at clinic? I thought they offered it before any termination.
You don't sound sure and as you say you are the one who has to do it.
I've never been particularly set up financially or practically for a child but I have two ( and one in oven) take care

I agree with getting some counselling. If you absolutely don't want a baby but absolutely don't want to go through abortion would adoption be worth a thought.

I've just phoned the clinic and booked in for some counselling on Tuesday. I really don't think i could go through having a third dc on my own with no support, I've had a rough few years and feel like I'm just getting back on my feet, dd2 is nearly 5 and getting a bit easier, the thought of doing it all again makes me shudder. I can't think of a single reason why another baby would be a good idea, except for the fact that I feel so guilty about termination. I am half considering the adoption route but I think i would probably end up keeping it if I went through a whole pregnancy and childbirth.

I would echo the recommendations for counselling.

Whatever happens with this pregnancy, I'd also strongly suggest you look into a more permanent form of birth control like the implant or IUD. It seems you have a history of unplanned or unwanted pregnancies and planning is the best way to prevent this situation happening again in future.

Good luck