Shall I find out?m

[MissTwister]

I have my 20 week scan this week. I know the purpose of this scan is to check there's a healthy baby and that's priority but I know they will also ask if I want to know the sex - they did at my 13 week scan!

We said no then as my husband was keen for it to be a surprise but now I am not sure. What are the benefits of finding out? I don't buy in to pink and blue and all that so that's not a consideration but do you think you bond more with baby in advance if you know?

We have a baby nickname which is a boys name and I am worried that will become ingrained and then if its a girl it might be weird!

Thoughts anyone?

I had a strong feeling each time that it would be a girl, and so just wanted it confirmed, as I was buying dresses! Also with dd2, dd1 was certain it was a girl and so I wanted to forewarn her if not. I rather like the little surprise half way through too. i think that the birth itself is so surprising that then the sex of the baby is immaterial, whereas at 20 weeks one really wants to find out... I also don't like the fact that the scanner knows, the consultant knows, if other people know then I want to know too!

I was desperate to find out with ds but dh said he didn't want to know so we didn't. I'm glad in a way we didn't as 'it's natures surprise' and we got the whole 'it's a boy!'
Now however I'm 6+5 with number 2 and we both want to know :)
It's purely personal choice.

I don't buy into the blue pink thing and had already decided on nursery colours before my 20 week scan. For me it was all about control. I'd felt that so much about pregnancy is in the lap of the gods and I'd found the period between 12 and 20 weeks so stressful (anterior placenta so no movements to confirm anything was in there), I just wanted to know one definite thing about my pregnancy.

That sounds terribly deep actually but I only figured out that was my motivation after a loooong conversation with a friend about reasons for finding out. For me it has helped me to relax and to an extent bond with the baby. I prefer using 'him' to 'it'.

We have our 20 week scan on Friday this coming week and will definitely be finding out as long as the baby is in the right position. We both really want to know and as the technology is available for us to do this neither of us could see a reason why not to find out. For us it is also about bonding as I don't really like referring to the baby as 'it'. Also, I don't really like surprises (I do know sometimes they can get it wrong though). Personally, I just get a bit annoyed when you mention to people that you are going to find out and they frown because they think you are going against so called 'tradition', it really is each to their own when it comes to this decision. Good luck with your scan

I didn't find out. It was incredible, OH told me we'd had a daughter and it was an amazing moment. I'll do ththe same with future babies.

It's each to their own I'll personally be finding out when I go for my 20 week scan providing all is well, I can focus on names then and it'll be nice to know as the wait between scans is so long!

I found out at 12w.
To me it was more that I needed to imagine the baby somehow once it is born, my life with a baby and I was always imagining a girl. I did not wanted to create the entire girl fantasy in my mind and for it not to be true.

Im not into pink/blue but truth to be told there is more to it than just pink/blue.
The unisex selection is quite poor and boring IMHO.
You might not purchase many pink things-I didnt, but many other color things have girly details like frills etc. i love green, bought her green sleeper with strawberries and frills, love yellow, got her something yellow with butterflies.

Some people are happy with white and beige clothes because that is mostly all what is there in unisex.

I wanted to know because it breaks things up a bit, 12 weeks you see it for the first time, 20 weeks we found out the sex (although dd wasn't playing ball and had her legs crossed so we went for a private scan a week later and found out for sure) and then meeting them. I would find out again but I know lots of people who have preferred to have a surprise!

I am 39 wks with DC3 & I've not found out with any of my 3.
For me it would totally ruin it. I don't want to know who it is, I don't want to have a name chosen & already be referring to him/her by its name. I don't feel the need to bond until the baby is here (though movement alone does make me feel bonded) I'd just feel like there was no excitement left at the birth if I knew who I was expecting.
I find it really exciting to go out with the baby once born & buy pink or blue, it's something to look forward to after the birth.
People always say to me it's easier to be organised if you know what your having but that's kinda rubbish as I am fully organised, I love my pram & my nursery both of which are neutral.
It's totally personal choice but for me it has to be a surprise

We waited last time and will be waiting again this time. Personally I didn't want to get preconceived ideas about who my baby was going to be based simply ion knowing their sex and nothing else about them, nor did I want those around me to, I wanted to meet the whole baby as a person all in one go if that makes sense.

Totally personal preference!

Zahrah you don't have to abide by those rules of frills for girls, trucks for boys, you know.

DD came home in a sleepsuit covered in blue cars (she'd puked all over her lovely grey one). On her first outing, she wore a Batman onesie and a pink hat. Yesterday she got mistaken for a boy because she's got blue dummies with space things on them, blue trousers, trainers and a dark raincoat.

Then again, maybe that's just my attitude - I wear guys clothes, so if it's good enough for me, it's good enough for DD. She looks adorable roaming around in dino pyjamas and dungarees!

I found out with ds and I'v done the same this time with my baby girl. I too found the unisex clothes a bit dull, you end up with a lot of beige and white as gifts! I also went to a fantastic baby sale and bought loads of clothes up to 6 months age (by which time you probably want to do some girl clothes/boy clothes) which i wouldn't have been able to take advantage of if I hadn't known. You still get the big surprise, just early!

We didn't find out with either. The moment they were born and we found out were amazing.

I disagree about the neutral clothing, I found it really easy to buy lovely unisex baby clothes. Next for example have some lovely stuff that isn't just white or beige.

I had a strong feeling with both of mine that I knew. I wanted to know so it was confirmed it was a boy with DS. I felt like I could identify with him a little. With my second, baby's legs were crossed so I couldn't find out. Had a strong feeling it was a girl. The birth was so fast when I delivered the midwives didn't say anything when she was born as they weren't ready so my DH who was in shock just said 'we've got a girl'

Im with some of the others that have said that they had a strong feeling anyway. I'm currently 33+6 and from very early on it was almost like I 'knew' he was a boy! So for that reason I wanted to confirm I was right! At a private 16 week scan I booked, called a 'Reassurance Scan' they asked if we wanted to know the gender, which I wasn't expecting at all! We said no and the lady suggested she write it in an envelope incase we changed our minds or if the legs were crossed at the 20 week scan. So we said yes and as the weeks went by, people couldn't believe we hadn't yet opened the envelope. At the 20 week scan we asked if they could do the same, and so at least we would have 2 'confirmations of gender'! cue the endless people that mentioned what if they were both different!. We opened the envelopes on Christmas Day, one each and it confirmed he was a boy just like I'd thought!

So you could always ask for the gender in an envelope and open it on a special day if you have one coming up, or just incase you change your mind!
I haven't gone for everything blue either, the first things we bought were blue but there's actually more choice than I thought. I've bought things in lots of different colours! I always said I wouldn't do just pink or blue anyway. For a girl I would have gone for pastel colours like lilac and yellow. I have bought a gorgeous little boys white/cream babygrow with pastel green/yellow detail on

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

Thanks all for your thoughts!

I've always been determined I wouldn't find out, I wanted my husband to tell me at the birth. We stuck to this at our 20 week scan. But I've had a really hard time coming to terms with being pregnant, and have had severe anxiety and depression. At 30 weeks we had a 4D scan, and still planned on not finding out, but the lady said she knew and offered to write it down for us. We weren't sure, but in the end my husband found out and told me later on our own at home. We're having a boy, which is what I always wanted, and knowing that instantly made a huge difference to how I felt about things, so now I wish we'd found out sooner. I don't like the whole pink/blue thing and it hasn't made any difference at all to how we've decorated or bought clothes, it's just really helped me to bond with my baby.